McDonald Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Hey LS I am having a hard time trying to figure out if I have been moving in the right direction as of recently. I have been in about 2 months of NC and its been 3 months since the break up.. Lots of stringing along by her until she got her new BF who she broke up with me for. I am not longer really sad, no longer really depressed, no longer thinking about her constantly.. no longer asking my self whhhyyy me. So in a sense, I feel like I have been moving on. Yet I am at a point where I am close to fully letting go, but something is not letting me and I cant figure out what it is. Maybe Im am rushing it? I have not yet deleted her number from my phone.. but she has only texted me once witin the past 5 weeks, and I of course did not reply. On a different note, I have had this urge to text her though.. to get closure is what I was saying.. but I know that is a lie, it was really to keep a door open (okay, I am now going to be attacked by the LS community lol, but I recognize that I am not at that stage yet to fully rip the band aid off. Im not hiding where I am anymore). but I was talking to one of her ex roomates last night on the phone. She was the first person I called after the break up three months ago. She told me that when she texted my ex to ask what was going on she replied with.. "I just cant take it anymore. my hearts no longer in it. He didnt do anything. Its all me. IDK what I am doing. But I just hated the fights we had and wanted him to just break up with me when the fights were happening. I know I have been changing since the beginning of the relationship, like not wanting to party. And now I have moved to this new place, That had an influence on it too. But it was like a breadth of fresh air" Then she goes on and says she hopes it will pass and that we will get back together... Then a week later she tells me that... then she has another BF talk about mixed messages lol I guess in a way what her roomate said to me was the final closure... becuase its almost impossible to have someone whos heart is no longer in it. and that really sent me back a bit. because having your past girlfriend say that, after everything I have done to make her happy, it just hurts like hell. And the fights... so stupid.. not even worth explaining to you. To sum this up... I have gotten all the signs to move on, yet Like one finger is holding onto the ledge. I just want to let go.
J_L_C Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Hi there. I can totally relate to the situation you have going on. My ex did the same thing to me 7 months ago and I'm still not over it either. 3 months is still pretty fresh after being with someone for a year. It's completely normal to still have these thoughts and feelings. My ex told me that he'd fallen out of love with me and that our love was gone and would never be coming back. He said there weren't really any 'issues' per say and therefore nothing we could openly work on. The feelings just aren't there anymore. I totally understand what you're saying about it hurting and bringing you down. There really isn't anything that can be done in helping a situation where the romantic feelings are gone. I think it's unfair that she was talking about maybe one day getting back together, but then slams you with the new bf news. That's really selfish and unfair of her. It's providing you with false hope and trust me, I get how hard that is to let go of. I heard an interesting phrase the other day: "A final exit is hard but its a certainty, hope is just paralyzing and it can go on forever". I definitely don't want to be in this position another 7 months from now. I'm trying my best to let go of the hope. The ONLY thing I have found that's helped to a degree is NC. I was in touch with him DAILY for the 6 months following our breakup. It's only been 1 month of NC now and little-by-little, I'm able to get through the day. Something else that helped me was writing out the negative things about our relationship on recipe cars. Example: Didn't wish me happy birthday only days after breaking up. Told me I was a fu**ing idiot in the way I ran my life. Whenever I have a bad moment, I pull out the cue cards and it helps me to remember some of the harshness that was there. Then I'm not as emotional over him I hope I helped a bit.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 You are moving in the right direction. However, you are keeping avenues open. Her friends? Forget them. Her number - delete it. I know, you don't want to be flammed, and you know better - so what? Do it. Everyone heals differently. I used to look at my exes FB, but I knew, if I had kept at it, I would discover something that(I already knew anyway), would completely destroy me. So, I stopped. Your progress, is a ticking bomb. Why? Cause of these avenues that are still open. You are more a boy..if even that, a puppy, trying to get milk from it's mother's tit, but unable too. You are weak. We are all weak...But, you have to lift weights, eat right - get rid of her completely. What hope is there? There is no hope for you, for JLC, for none other. Hope is a good thing; but it is a very bad thing here. You are going to fall; to ruin. To death. Your urges come from having that hope. You keep her number on, cause it makes you feel better when you see it, knowing she could text, as she did 5 months ago -- go on and admit that truth to me! To you, it keeps it alive; somewhere. But it's dead. Festering. You are going in the right way; however, that progress will be shattered once you cave; oh yes, you will cave. Temptation is stronger than you think. She will one day text you again, maybe a sad, crying face, pleading with you of some nature, tellin you what a mistake it was, and how she utterly loves you... you'll give in. The more you let it, the more it eats at you. Doesn't matter if you're as strong as a lion; even they can play with a string....Get up. Do what is right for you man. No ones' exes care. It's that simple. I am not being mean, but look, they don't. Not mine, not yours. They probably are off with some guy, you aren't even, I am not even, no other poster isn't even in their mind. Only time we come to mind, is if they want to use us... She's dancing to someone else; you're alone. She's smiling. You're crying(I know, don't say). She's not hurt. It sucks. I hated deleting my exes phone number; not hearing her voice or seeing her dressed up for me.....God, I hated deleting that number...But it was for the best. You know, after three weeks, all she texted was "Hiya" as if she had done nothing. As if it where nothing. No heart. No care. That is how it is...I didn't answer. Do not leave temptations around...please...You will go insane just like me. 1
Author McDonald Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 You are moving in the right direction. However, you are keeping avenues open. Her friends? Forget them. Her number - delete it. I know, you don't want to be flammed, and you know better - so what? Do it. Everyone heals differently. I used to look at my exes FB, but I knew, if I had kept at it, I would discover something that(I already knew anyway), would completely destroy me. So, I stopped. Your progress, is a ticking bomb. Why? Cause of these avenues that are still open. You are more a boy..if even that, a puppy, trying to get milk from it's mother's tit, but unable too. You are weak. We are all weak...But, you have to lift weights, eat right - get rid of her completely. What hope is there? There is no hope for you, for JLC, for none other. Hope is a good thing; but it is a very bad thing here. You are going to fall; to ruin. To death. Your urges come from having that hope. You keep her number on, cause it makes you feel better when you see it, knowing she could text, as she did 5 months ago -- go on and admit that truth to me! To you, it keeps it alive; somewhere. But it's dead. Festering. You are going in the right way; however, that progress will be shattered once you cave; oh yes, you will cave. Temptation is stronger than you think. She will one day text you again, maybe a sad, crying face, pleading with you of some nature, tellin you what a mistake it was, and how she utterly loves you... you'll give in. The more you let it, the more it eats at you. Doesn't matter if you're as strong as a lion; even they can play with a string....Get up. Do what is right for you man. No ones' exes care. It's that simple. I am not being mean, but look, they don't. Not mine, not yours. They probably are off with some guy, you aren't even, I am not even, no other poster isn't even in their mind. Only time we come to mind, is if they want to use us... She's dancing to someone else; you're alone. She's smiling. You're crying(I know, don't say). She's not hurt. It sucks. I hated deleting my exes phone number; not hearing her voice or seeing her dressed up for me.....God, I hated deleting that number...But it was for the best. You know, after three weeks, all she texted was "Hiya" as if she had done nothing. As if it where nothing. No heart. No care. That is how it is...I didn't answer. Do not leave temptations around...please...You will go insane just like me. You are completely right. It does suck, and i know deleting the number is something i must do. Because the temptation to text/call her will be then over with. I do realize she is with someone else, that she doesnt care about me anymore. its just hard to believe... and being my first love, the first person I amde love too.... and first friend in college... my idea of relationships are just of her... and that makes it even harder, Though I have moments in which I do want to cry, I have been strong enough not too. its been a few weeks since I have fully broke down however, you are right in the fact that I could and will cave if I keep having these thoughts because I will think that I am ready to jsut be :friends" but i reality im just doing it to remain in contact with her....
jumbojet123 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 You are moving in the right direction. However, you are keeping avenues open. Her friends? Forget them. Her number - delete it. I know, you don't want to be flammed, and you know better - so what? Do it. Everyone heals differently. I used to look at my exes FB, but I knew, if I had kept at it, I would discover something that(I already knew anyway), would completely destroy me. So, I stopped. Your progress, is a ticking bomb. Why? Cause of these avenues that are still open. You are more a boy..if even that, a puppy, trying to get milk from it's mother's tit, but unable too. You are weak. We are all weak...But, you have to lift weights, eat right - get rid of her completely. What hope is there? There is no hope for you, for JLC, for none other. Hope is a good thing; but it is a very bad thing here. You are going to fall; to ruin. To death. Your urges come from having that hope. You keep her number on, cause it makes you feel better when you see it, knowing she could text, as she did 5 months ago -- go on and admit that truth to me! To you, it keeps it alive; somewhere. But it's dead. Festering. You are going in the right way; however, that progress will be shattered once you cave; oh yes, you will cave. Temptation is stronger than you think. She will one day text you again, maybe a sad, crying face, pleading with you of some nature, tellin you what a mistake it was, and how she utterly loves you... you'll give in. The more you let it, the more it eats at you. Doesn't matter if you're as strong as a lion; even they can play with a string....Get up. Do what is right for you man. No ones' exes care. It's that simple. I am not being mean, but look, they don't. Not mine, not yours. They probably are off with some guy, you aren't even, I am not even, no other poster isn't even in their mind. Only time we come to mind, is if they want to use us... She's dancing to someone else; you're alone. She's smiling. You're crying(I know, don't say). She's not hurt. It sucks. I hated deleting my exes phone number; not hearing her voice or seeing her dressed up for me.....God, I hated deleting that number...But it was for the best. You know, after three weeks, all she texted was "Hiya" as if she had done nothing. As if it where nothing. No heart. No care. That is how it is...I didn't answer. Do not leave temptations around...please...You will go insane just like me. Hit the nail on the head with that post. It makes it all seem worthless. Like a waste. I hate it. So much pain. Can't do anything but move on. He is happy, doesn't seem to remember I exist after living with him for a year seeing him every day, it seems so unreal. Can't delete the stupid number. At least I don't let myself contact him. I'm not letting myself be a fool anymore, but I'm not healed. Life is tough.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 You are completely right. It does suck, and i know deleting the number is something i must do. Because the temptation to text/call her will be then over with. I do realize she is with someone else, that she doesnt care about me anymore. its just hard to believe... and being my first love, the first person I amde love too.... and first friend in college... my idea of relationships are just of her... and that makes it even harder, Though I have moments in which I do want to cry, I have been strong enough not too. its been a few weeks since I have fully broke down however, you are right in the fact that I could and will cave if I keep having these thoughts because I will think that I am ready to jsut be :friends" but i reality im just doing it to remain in contact with her.... Look, you are a strong guy. I can sense that. You have been through hell. I understand the first love thing. I understand you. But you are too amazing of a guy, to sit here, and worry over her. When you have soo many women out there, waiting for you. Be confident, that you can live without her. That the sun can rise again. It hurts, it hurts like hell - no lie. But you have to do this, not to show her. Not for her. For you. To show you. You'd be surprised: you won't forget her. She was apart of your life. But you can forget the pain; you'd be surprised at how much stronger you will be because of this. In time, and that sucks to hear. But go flirt with a girl. Assign that as a goal of yours. Flirt with some cashier girl. Nothing big you know? Maybe a little bit, start small. Work your confidence up to exist without your ex. You are special, and strong. A survivor.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Hit the nail on the head with that post. It makes it all seem worthless. Like a waste. I hate it. So much pain. Can't do anything but move on. He is happy, doesn't seem to remember I exist after living with him for a year seeing him every day, it seems so unreal. Can't delete the stupid number. At least I don't let myself contact him. I'm not letting myself be a fool anymore, but I'm not healed. Life is tough. It is tough; and we often make it tougher on ourselves. I am sorry he hurt you. He will, too, answer one day. Not when we want it too, of course. The pain will go away. Do not think it will just in time though; it is actually what you do with that time, that determines your heal progress. That is why I usually suggest going out, and having fun. Maybe flirting with a new person; nothing big, just small at first - to rebuild your confidences. Eitherway, I am glad you aren't contacting him. But one day, you must face that final part of the battle, and remove his number. Stay strong; go, make yourself an assignement, and flirt with some new guy; test it, build your confidence back up friends. You'd be surprised at how well it works.
jumbojet123 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 You are completely right. It does suck, and i know deleting the number is something i must do. Because the temptation to text/call her will be then over with. I do realize she is with someone else, that she doesnt care about me anymore. its just hard to believe... and being my first love, the first person I amde love too.... and first friend in college... my idea of relationships are just of her... and that makes it even harder, Though I have moments in which I do want to cry, I have been strong enough not too. its been a few weeks since I have fully broke down however, you are right in the fact that I could and will cave if I keep having these thoughts because I will think that I am ready to jsut be :friends" but i reality im just doing it to remain in contact with her.... You should go flirt with girls, nothing crazy and do not get serious. Do not rebound. I have in the past. Leads you backwards.You need to get your pride back. My ex has not bothered to even contact me since he left me, yet if he did I wouldn't take him back as much as it makes me sick to say that..I can finally admit that is the truth. I can't trust him after he hurt me. He could do it all over again. I can't really trust anyone now..not for a long time. he doesn't want me..that is the bottom line. Live for yourself. I am just focusing on myself, trying to go scuba diving again, focus on my job and family. It is all ups and downs, mostly downs. And I am nowhere near over him. But it is over. It was over the minute he said he couldn't be with me anymore that night. Anyway, you're young, time heals. A friend found this on Facebook for me. Take care. "No matter what, once in your life someone will hurt you. That someone will take all that you are, and rip it into pieces and they won’t even watch where the pieces land. But through the breakdown, you’ll learn something about yourself. You'll learn that you’re strong. And no matter how hard they destroy you, that you can conquer anyone." 1
jumbojet123 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 It is tough; and we often make it tougher on ourselves. I am sorry he hurt you. He will, too, answer one day. Not when we want it too, of course. The pain will go away. Do not think it will just in time though; it is actually what you do with that time, that determines your heal progress. That is why I usually suggest going out, and having fun. Maybe flirting with a new person; nothing big, just small at first - to rebuild your confidences. Eitherway, I am glad you aren't contacting him. But one day, you must face that final part of the battle, and remove his number. Stay strong; go, make yourself an assignement, and flirt with some new guy; test it, build your confidence back up friends. You'd be surprised at how well it works. Yes. I have been in denial so long. Hoping he would miss me and want me back. But now I couldn't just take him back if he came to me..it could happen again...in a month or ten years. It is alarming. I love him. I hate it. It is insane. Thanks.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Yes. I have been in denial so long. Hoping he would miss me and want me back. But now I couldn't just take him back if he came to me..it could happen again...in a month or ten years. It is alarming. I love him. I hate it. It is insane. Thanks. I understand. I loved my dear Gemma, but things happen. Besides, why should a pretty person like yourself, waste tears and agony on him? You deserve love, and lots of it. A big hug* an internet hug, but a hug. Be strong, there is a sunrise one day, I assure you. It would be ashame for your pretty eyes to cry though anymore. You will find love, you all will. Just takes time, and it isn't easy, and we all know this. 1
Author McDonald Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Look, you are a strong guy. I can sense that. You have been through hell. I understand the first love thing. I understand you. But you are too amazing of a guy, to sit here, and worry over her. When you have soo many women out there, waiting for you. Be confident, that you can live without her. That the sun can rise again. It hurts, it hurts like hell - no lie. But you have to do this, not to show her. Not for her. For you. To show you. You'd be surprised: you won't forget her. She was apart of your life. But you can forget the pain; you'd be surprised at how much stronger you will be because of this. In time, and that sucks to hear. But go flirt with a girl. Assign that as a goal of yours. Flirt with some cashier girl. Nothing big you know? Maybe a little bit, start small. Work your confidence up to exist without your ex. You are special, and strong. A survivor. They way I treated her during the relationship, how much I gave to her.. How much I allowed myself to change for her.. Its hard to think that all this effort I put into it did not work. maybe thats what was wrong with it. Maybe Im not supposed to put that much effort into a relationship.. that I healthy relationship will be both sides equally making sacrifices for each other. Not just one person changing for another. For instance, I wanted to go out some weekend nights but she would get upset at me because for some reason she changed and didnt want to go out anymore. She would make me feel hurt when I went out because she would say things like "I cant believe you left" etc. So then I stopped going out.. Then she moves to a new place and all of the sudden wants to go out with her new roomates... breaks up with me.... I mean, It was all so fast. She got plane tickets to see me over winter break, then 3 days after breaks up with me... it wasnt even my idea to get the tickets lol. SO I do see that the break up was not because of me. It wasnt because i wasnt good enough, its just I was no longer what she was looking for. and I have to come to realize that For me its not what i want to do anymore.. like send her a message.. but its what I HAVE to do.. which would be to remove her completely. that will come. I have been able to go out on weekends now. Im talking to more girls. Not completely flirting, my ego is still bruised. But, at least im getting myself out there.. Also, Im working out everyday and am already looking like how i did when I played baseball for my college. So I am doing everything that I did before the relationship, and im feeling good. Just, idk.. its hard to explain.. just something is missing
Author McDonald Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 And then there's today. I don't understand why I dislike weekends now. Maybe it's because I don't have school to occupy my time. I just hate how I can't figure out why my emotions are so f'd up. I'm just having an internal struggle with myself. Picture a giant fan blowing infront of you. Your body is in the air, read to get blown away yet two fingers, that's all, are gripping onto the ledge in front of you. The only thing stopping you from going. That's how I feel. That the majority of me is like let's get out of this but then a small portion is like wait noo!! Idk why it is. Idk what is wrong with me. Idk why a Lin for her Ben free she hurt me. It's been three months and maybe I'm putting too much pressure in MYSELF now because I know she is not the problem anymore, it's me.
na49 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 You seriously need to stop feeling exactly like I do.. I understand how you feel about weekends being the worst time. Having extra time to ourselves should be a good thing right? Wrong! It's more time thinking which only makes us feel worse. As for not wanting to let go, none of us really want to let go. I've found even after I "let go" I didn't actually let go. I still want her to come back to me. I think I'm just trying to accept that part of it. I'm never going to not want her unless I'm dating someone new. I'm in no position to be even thinking about dating right now with all of my problems. I accept that I miss what I had. I would give anything to have it back. BUT my life can't just stop because I don't have it. You are your own problem now. If it's been 3 months, it's better to assume she's happy without you. (don't sell yourself short though, she may not be happy BECAUSE you're gone. but you being gone doesn't impact her emotions anymore especially if she's found someone new) I know how bad you want their relationship to fail so she comes crying back but that may not happen. and by the time they do break up there may be another guy involved or we may not be anything to them at that point so we won't be the first person they call. Reality sucks.
Author McDonald Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Yea it's just hard to believe you put so much effort into something, and it can leave that fast. How are you supposed to trust anyone again? But that's a totally different thing. I want to get over this before even thinking about that lol. I do have to get to the point where I can delete her number, because the urge to send her a hey whatsup will continue to grow inside me. I will feel like I just want to be friends... But that's not true. That's not true at all. This tiny part of me is holding on. And it really sucks; and at least for me I know I'm better than this guy. He will never give her the effort that it takes to keep her happy. That works against me though has my self esteem slowly grows, I slowly begin to think I can win her back but I can't think like that. My mind is really all over the place
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