lovehurts5 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 So I started dating my boyfriend about 3 months ago. We are both 25. Went to high school together, he messaged me on Facebook a couple months ago, we got to talking, and he basically said to me this is what I want lets go out I want to be with you and I was like whatever I have nothing to lose. So we moved very fast. Met the families and everything within the first 2 weeks of talking. Things were great. Some pros= He makes me laugh 95% of the time I'm with him, he extremely handsome, very personable and outgoing, love his family. Cons=no schooling, spends his money like its nothing, has A LOT of girl friends. In the very beginning I felt like he was more into the relationship and I was like eh whatever since I had only gotten out of a 4 year relationship 8 months prior. Just having fun living in the moment. Now I find myself getting attached and he seems to be pulling away a little. Our discussion tonight..... He talks about his ex gf ALOT. (He dated her for 3 years on and off and they broke up in December of 2011) so tonight we talked about her... Again... And basically he said she texts him often and he responds to her and this really hit a nerve. Because 2 months ago my ex bf texted me and he made such a big deal about me responding that I was like ok I won't respond if it'll make u feel better. So I stopped. Then he goes on to tell me that he has a guard up with me and was basically talking this girl up like she could have done no wrong (even tho she repeatedly cheated on him). I just don't know. I feel like hell never truly get over her unless he stops all contact and this guard he's feeling with me will never come down unless he's done with her. I feel like ill never measure up to the ex. He told me I'm insecure and that that's my own problem meanwhile he doesn't see that it just upsets me...
Soxfaninfl Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 (edited) He needs to end all contact with his ex. She is his ex for a reason. I would feel insecure also if I were you if he was talking to her. It goes both ways if you can't talk to your ex then he shouldn't either. If he won't give up talking to his ex then maybe you should move on. Why continue to invest time and energy into a guy that is hung up on his ex? Edited March 1, 2013 by Soxfaninfl
Author lovehurts5 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Yeah he broke up with her but they were on and off for the 3 years. Idk why I don't want to just get rid of him. He's a good person and he makes me laugh but he's not seeing this from my perspective. With him everything is a double standard. I tell him experiences I've had and he gets made over them and he tells me things that are like 10X worse and expects me to just take it. I don't feel special in his life at all. Last night he told me before me he probably casually dated at least 40 girls after his ex. And with me he's like I feel like I care about you but I just can't force myself to really open up and give you all of my affection because I feel like i'm gonna get hurt again. Meanwhile he doesn't listen to my stories on being hurt. He always says "you don't understand I had it way worse" like it's a competition or something. Idk... I want to give him a shot but I find i'm having a really hard time trusting him and idk if that's me or if it's for a reason... How long do I wait this out and see?
Author lovehurts5 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 AND when it comes to being intimate i'm a very forward person. So I like kissing a lot. And he doesn't really. So that's something i'm adjusting to. And last night he was like I mean I used to kiss her all the time. I was like oh but for me you can't do that? He was like well of course I kissed her all the time she was my first love. Like what?! Ughh... Idk...
outsidethebox Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 (edited) Can't understand why you're still talking to him. Watch a sitcom to get laughs. He isn't providing anything else except humiliating debasement. Edited March 1, 2013 by outsidethebox 3
MidwestUSA Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Can't understand why you're still talking to him. Watch a sitcom to get laughs. He isn't providing anything else except humiliating debasement. Exactly this. Unless you like being a doormat. He sounds very immature. 1
Treasa Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Get rid of him. If he seriously is this controlling and doesn't realize that what he's doing is wrong and turns it around on YOU when you bring it up to him, he's not going to change. You can do better. It's not worth the futile effort to try to get him to change. 2
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