mr_roggger Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 Hi all, been a while since I last posted here but here goes: History: Have been out on a few dates recently, 2 of which were with people I met through an online dating site. The first was not too god as I'm not sure just how honest the girl was with what she put up on the site, turned out that I didn't get on with her any way and I wouldn't like to be with someone I couldn't trust to even fill in a few forms! Anyway, tonight I met up with a girl who I've been emailing/texting/chatting with since June. She is very nice, just my kind of girl, and has a fantastic sense of humour which really appeals to me. I met her "blind", i.e. I'd not seen a pic. of here before (she had of me), and I was pleasantly surprised when I did meet her: again, just my type. Well, she's from the next town along from mine, so I drove to meet here so obviously I couldn't drink. We spent about an hour at a bar chatting and laughing, things were going great, laughing at each others jokes etc. We then went onto the place where she works at the bar, more of a club/bar place with no seats, had another drink...here's where the problem starts...I am so self-aware about dancing, so much so I can ONLY do it after a few drinks (I'm not that bad, just self-conscious!), so I felt that I couldn't with her. She understood, but decided it was time to leave and she was going to meet some friends, so we said our goodbyes, wished each other well etc. (her last night out for 7 days as she's working, so I thought it best to leave her have a good time with her friends)... Problem: I'm not at home, feeling stupid, how could I have let this happen, I really like her! Next time, if there is one, I'm going to be sure to not drive, have a few drinks and show her the real "Friday-night-me" lol! So, my question is, what can I say to her to see if she will meet up for another date, or how should I test the water to see how she feels about me now etc. Anything is good, out in my town, hers, to mine for a meal, out for a meal, whatever...I'm unsure what to do as I don't know how she feels about me! Any advice would be much appreciated as usual! Thanks!
gd1039 Posted September 4, 2004 Posted September 4, 2004 Try going out with her once more, but this time what about doing something different that going to a bar again? Also, I don't know your "Friday Night Self" but be sure its going to be something she will want to see too. I don't drink, and have nothing against it, but I act the same when I'm at a bar (yes people that don't drink go there) as when I'm not. I think alcohol is a crutch for people who couldn't meet members of the opposite sex while sober. So, great she think you are cool when you are drinking, but what happens when you have to do something and you can't /aren't drinking (like the other night)? I think you should work on self confidence (because yes it can be nervracking on a date and alcohol helps to "relax" you) and go out with her one more time, see how that goes. I had one decent date with a girl a few months ago, and then a second date was a bomb. We didn't talk after that. We had a lot in common but there was no chemistry there if thats what you want to call it. So, I say give her a call and go out once more, see how it goes. Good luck...
Author mr_roggger Posted September 4, 2004 Author Posted September 4, 2004 Yeah, I was thinking along the lines of going out to dinner or inviting her to mine for dinner and a night in. What I meant was that, under the influence of a little alcohol (not blind drunk) I tend to be, I don't know, a little more relaxed etc., and possibly more entertaining etc., but in a good way, not an offensive way! I don't think I see alcohol as a crutch for me, especially given that I met her while sober and we can have good conversation sober too lol! I'll call her soon about meeting again, and as always have a clear plan of what to suggest in my head (i.e. "mine for dinner, friday at 7" rather than "would you like to meet up sometime and do something" lol), and hopefully she'll agree! I'll be sure to let you know. Thanks for your advice, and more is still welcome though!
gd1039 Posted September 4, 2004 Posted September 4, 2004 Sorry if I misinterpreted some of what you said. When I talk about alcohol as a crutch, I think of a friend of mine who is a complete chump. This kid will NOT talk to a girl if I am around, but as soon as I strike up a conversation he jumps in (and usually says something retarded within 30 seconds). I have gone to bars with him and he will say he needs a drink or two to loosen up before he can start talking to some girl, but he never does. Then he "claims" that when he is out with these other friends of his that he meets all these girls. I know he's a bull****ter. But, anyways that is a situation where I meant it is a crutch. Thats awsome that you hooked her sober and can still show her a good time. I wouldn't bring up that you thought the first date could have gone better, just ignore that for now. Good idea to have a plan, and like you said try to think of someting she will find interesting as well as a place where you can shine. Just play it cool, and you should do fine. Try not to worry or think to much when you are out with her, things will go more smoothly. Just remember to have a good time!
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 4, 2004 Posted September 4, 2004 Pffffffft. I'm sure you are stressing over the first date far more than she is. The initial meetings are always the most awkward. Coffee and/or drinks is "safe" however ho-hum. I think your idea is great. Plan something different ahead, then invite her along. I always thought the BEST part of dating was using imagination and coming up with interesting things to do. However, if you hook up with someone who's only idea of a "good time out" includes bar hopping and dancing, you might be better off waiting around for someone with a little more depth. As long as your having fun, getting out and meeting new people, that's all that counts! Besides, the bad dates always provide interesting material for comedic relief later on. PS...Remind me to tell you the story of the guy who greeting me at his door wearing a pair of spandex shorty-shorts and a fanny pack...
Author mr_roggger Posted September 4, 2004 Author Posted September 4, 2004 I don't think its her only idea of a good night out, at least I hope not! I've just text her saying that I had a really nice time, that I'm away at my parents this coming week but would like to take her out for dinner after that. I decided against dinner at mine as that may be seen as too forward, I'd rather if anything that it's her choice to come back to mine rather than have to be persuaded here by me lol! Anyway, am still awaiting a reply as she's at work now. Sorry Enigma, I'm from England, what is a fanny pack lol!!??
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