SJC2008 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I'm not the cold approach/bar approach type but at my last job I did ask a few women for numbers and got a few so I know it's doable. One thing that holds me back a lot is that there is so much competition for women that I often use it as an "excuse" not to ask for a number or approach. So from my POV, I'm not thinking women are purposely holding out for a better guy it's just that I think if they're remotely cute they'll HAVE better looking guys than me hitting on them and I eliminate myself from the competion before even trying. How do I change this thinking?? I think it would be classified as a slef limiting belief.
normal person Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 So from my POV, I'm not thinking women are purposely holding out for a better guy it's just that I think if they're remotely cute they'll HAVE better looking guys than me hitting on them and I eliminate myself from the competion before even trying. How do I change this thinking?? I think it would be classified as a slef limiting belief. You should become aware that a lot of girls aren't necessarily holding out for the best looking guy. They're holding out for the guy that's attractive in a variety of ways or someone that's simply a great match for them. Things that can tip the scales include charisma, personality, values, sense of humor, etc. You might actually have exactly what they're looking for but they probably won't know it unless you're willing to show them.
dasein Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 It's a reality that you can use to your advantage. Just like gorgeous women, there are lots of gorgeous men out there who haven't a social clue or much of any clue because their looks have always gotten them everything in life. They are not that hard to elimidate out of her mind, and usually do much of the work for you if she has two brain cells to rub together and is at all discerning with any class. She may bang them casually easier than you, but if you play your cards right, the feeling of busting your name to the top of the list past pro athletes and male models feels really, really good. Once you have done it a couple times, it becomes second nature. Now that's not to say they won't sell you out for a multimillionaire down the road a bit, which has happened to me several times while dating very good looking women. There's not much you can do to compete with a dude who has 5 yachts if she has any kind of proclivities towards money. It's fun while it lasts definitely. How to do it? The same things I preach here constantly. Ask out for dates, plan and have good active dates. Stay light funny and flirty and have a healthy, confident attitude about your male sexuality and show her at every opportunity why that healthy sexual attitude and performance is hard to find in a man today. Watch Jack Nicholson movies juxtaposed with Cary Grant and you will get the idea.
Author SJC2008 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 For clarification purposes I tried to word it the best I could and it's not my intention to have a women date up/ have more options debate. While I do know there is competition for women part of it is that I don't think I match up to the competition, self limiting beleifs I guess.
Estate Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I'm not the cold approach/bar approach type but at my last job I did ask a few women for numbers and got a few so I know it's doable. One thing that holds me back a lot is that there is so much competition for women that I often use it as an "excuse" not to ask for a number or approach. So from my POV, I'm not thinking women are purposely holding out for a better guy it's just that I think if they're remotely cute they'll HAVE better looking guys than me hitting on them and I eliminate myself from the competion before even trying. How do I change this thinking?? I think it would be classified as a slef limiting belief. You're right that it's a competition but someone has to win... why not you? If you're not in the game you won't win. Try to think of it that way and don't let failing any time set you back, just means she wasn't the right one and you try again. You don't win every hand but you win a lot more the more you play.
ThaWholigan Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Men need to have a better mindset towards competition, they tend to waver from one extreme to the other - and that does include when it comes to girls. Guys either have the mindset of absolutely immersing themselves so far into competition that they attach their egos to it and rub it in their fellow man's face and other such ways - or they are too timid and shy away completely from competition feeling that they are unworthy, and therefore shun it altogether. You need to have a mindset that competition is a part of life. Obviously you want to win and you hate losing - so you try to win. However, you don't attach so much of yourself that it makes or breaks your entire self-esteem. It is meant to spur you on to higher plateaus, even when you fail. So when you know that a girl might have other admirers, that shouldn't stop you. In fact, you might get the drop on them because those other admirers might be slow off the mark as they usually are when it comes to really super good looking girls.
Author SJC2008 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Cold approaches tend not to work for me because I prefer to know someone a bit better before I go on a date with them and I also assume the guy is usually just asking because hes attracted to me (usually that was the case). I would assume if a girl is less cautious than me, single AND is attracted to you, shed say yes. No so much shes comparing you to potential competition Yeah I'm thinking more toward the bar scence/work encounters than an outright 100% cold approach. I find you very attractive and think you're out of my league so I wouldn't approach you at a bar (even though I've never done a bar approach) or wouldn't ask you for a number if you were a customer of mine. Then I read that you date average men and I wonder well if someone as attractive as you dates "average" men I must be below average. It's this type of thinking plus the amount of competition for women that really holds me back because there is a chance that you would find me attractive but I'd never know becuase I already "eliminated" myself.
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