Sloan Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 I will do my best to keep it short. My girlfriend of three years broke up with me last month and never told me why. She cheated on me the first year we were together but I was young and decided to take her back. Our family backgrounds are very different, she has had a very rough life and very little guidance from her parents. Her parents are very abusive to one another and sometime her. My family is the complete opposite, so I have always been a great example to her. Our relationship was great for two years after the cheating. At first it was tough because I had to slowly put down my walls again from all of the pain but I eventually did. However, the last few months she started acting differently. She met a new friend and I noticed that she is very easily influenced. She started acting weird like she was hiding something, and eventually she wanted a break and went and hung out with this kid alone and it didn't work out and came back. After that, we were together for a month and it was almost like I had to be on my best behavior or go out of my way to impress her, I was always really good to her, but it was like she put all the guilt on me to make herself feel better. She couldn't tell me why she wanted to break, and kept giving excuses. So a month later of being together, she met a new friend (she goes through friends like no other) and the friend knew someone from a North Carolina (I'm from NYC). My girlfriend started hanging out with her new friend everyday and sleeping over three nights in a row. She called me one day and said she was going to NC on vacation with her new friend and I said okay. We ended up breaking up a week before she went on this trip and she didn't give me any reasons. I am a sophomore in college and she's starting college. She gave me all these excuses that were so bizarre and she kept flip flopping. But one of the excuses was that she was looking at schools in NC all of the sudden and said I wouldn't let her go away. I never once told her she couldn't go to college anywhere, she is free too. So it ended. NOW: A month has passed and I am still very lost. I've tried everything and I found out today that she has met someone in NC and is traveling 14 hours to get their. She was obviously talking to this person when we were together and it's just sickening for me to think about. The thought of her hooking up sickens meHow does an individual possibly do this kind of stuff and not feel sick themselves or regret anything. I have been No contact for a month as well. I see her once a week when I pick my brother up and she will stare at me and I will just ignore her and make no eye contact. I sit here today more confused and depressed than I ever have been. This is no doubt the most confusing time in my life and I have no clue what to do other than time. I want her to be happy but I want her to do the right thing. She was a complete mess before I met her and I showed her she could of bettered her self. She improved her grades to get into college, signed up for sports, built a better relationship with her father (who died last year), etc. I have always been their for this individual. I just don't understand why we build these relationships which sometimes last years and years and then never talk to them again. I know she has GIGS but I'm still lost. How could she possibly do this to me?
TaraMaiden Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Why have you posted yet again? You already have a thread running on this, don't you...?
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 I am sorry, and I doubt it's gigs. It could be GIGS, but I doubt it. Her Past/Present: As you have said, she grew-up, in a wrecked home. There was abuse, and she suffered from it, thus abused too. Due to this abuse, she suffers low self-esteem, and quickly reflects what others' around her are doing, or influencing her to do. Random Break-up: She randomly broke-up, you say? No, if she broke-up, before a planned trip, to go to NC, where this new guy is; she broke-up, because it was already in her head to do so, and planned out. She met this new guy, maybe online, maybe somewhere else, who knows? Either-way, she quickly chose him over you. Consider your Options: Yes, you loved her. It hurts. You forgave her, from one of the most terrible relationship crimes: cheating. How does she reward that? By yet again, choosing another guy over you. I would carefully think: She has baggage, her home life was abusive, history of cheating(once is still history enough) Think. Is this the quality of girl, you would want to spend the Rest of your Life with? There would be continous issues on the rise; until she conquers her past, and accepts responsibility for her current actions; any future(if you did get back with her, I know, this is implied), would be rather miserable. There are only so many times you can forgive someone, of truly terrible crimes. She betrayed you for another guy, now she betrayes you again, for another guy: even if it wasn't cheating, she chose him over you. Why would you want a girl like that? In a long-lasting relationship, where there is love, that person wants you. They want to be around you. They seek you. She is product of doom, due to her parents. She is still responsible for her current actions, though. But she is not a keeper, as she currently is. She has broken your heart, yet again. This time, do not let there by a next-time. Your options are clear: Hurt forever over a bad-girl. Or hurt for a while, as you will, but find that inner-strength to move past her, for good. To go and meet someone who will want you, not every other person over you: Not immaturely be influenced into doing bad. She had a good example in you, but, she chose her path. I suggest you chose for yourself, a better path. It will be utterly hard; but you can do it.
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Why have you posted yet again? You already have a thread running on this, don't you...? Maybe he doesn't know how to look up his previous threads...or he's a good troll...i hope him being a troll isn't true..
destroyed4sho Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Maybe he doesn't know how to look up his previous threads...or he's a good troll...i hope him being a troll isn't true.. What is a troll exactly?
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 What is a troll exactly? A monster under a bridge, who eats wee girls
Author Sloan Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 A monster under a bridge, who eats wee girls I am new to this website and my story has updated since when I first wrote about it. I wasn't sure if I could post again, I apologize.
Author Sloan Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 I am sorry, and I doubt it's gigs. It could be GIGS, but I doubt it. Her Past/Present: As you have said, she grew-up, in a wrecked home. There was abuse, and she suffered from it, thus abused too. Due to this abuse, she suffers low self-esteem, and quickly reflects what others' around her are doing, or influencing her to do. Random Break-up: She randomly broke-up, you say? No, if she broke-up, before a planned trip, to go to NC, where this new guy is; she broke-up, because it was already in her head to do so, and planned out. She met this new guy, maybe online, maybe somewhere else, who knows? Either-way, she quickly chose him over you. Consider your Options: Yes, you loved her. It hurts. You forgave her, from one of the most terrible relationship crimes: cheating. How does she reward that? By yet again, choosing another guy over you. I would carefully think: She has baggage, her home life was abusive, history of cheating(once is still history enough) Think. Is this the quality of girl, you would want to spend the Rest of your Life with? There would be continous issues on the rise; until she conquers her past, and accepts responsibility for her current actions; any future(if you did get back with her, I know, this is implied), would be rather miserable. There are only so many times you can forgive someone, of truly terrible crimes. She betrayed you for another guy, now she betrayes you again, for another guy: even if it wasn't cheating, she chose him over you. Why would you want a girl like that? In a long-lasting relationship, where there is love, that person wants you. They want to be around you. They seek you. She is product of doom, due to her parents. She is still responsible for her current actions, though. But she is not a keeper, as she currently is. She has broken your heart, yet again. This time, do not let there by a next-time. Your options are clear: Hurt forever over a bad-girl. Or hurt for a while, as you will, but find that inner-strength to move past her, for good. To go and meet someone who will want you, not every other person over you: Not immaturely be influenced into doing bad. She had a good example in you, but, she chose her path. I suggest you chose for yourself, a better path. It will be utterly hard; but you can do it. Thank you so much for this, it means a lot and will definitely become helpful. The thing that bothers me most is that I have always been there for her, through everything. As I mentioned, she didn't have the best upbringing and I wanted to show her she could better herself and succeed. She was so happy when she got on the honor roll and got into college. But once she met her friend, she changed completely. I am worried that she might go downhill again, and maybe not complete college. I was the only one in her life constantly pushing her. I just pray she doesn't do something wrong but she's not in my control anymore and I am sticking to no contact. I read about forgiving and forgetting but wasn't sure if thats for me inside or if I have to tell her one day I forgive her and talk to her. I know if I speak to her now she won't learn her lesson and maybe she never will but it's so sad that she is this way. You would think she would want to stir away from that. My father cheated on my mother while she was pregnant and had three little ones, and I have never been able to discuss this with my dad because i'm afraid to but I have always said to myself I don't want to do that to someone especially after it happened to me. Why doesn't she do that with the way her family is?
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 You're alright. Don't take the troll thing seriously. I was making a funny.. I am glad it is helpful, thank you. What she does is no longer your concern. I am sure she will fall. She's already made vad choices. It wouldn't surprise me if she quit college. Why? Her willpower and minset aren't as strong as yours. Differen't people handle impacts differently. I once did the samething for my beloved...i watched in horror her changes...despite my efforts...my great love and four years and a half...despite the help..i was powerless. I tried to show her...you cannot ever show them... It will drive you crazy...just move on. It's time. Time you focus on you. 1
Author Sloan Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 You're alright. Don't take the troll thing seriously. I was making a funny.. I am glad it is helpful, thank you. What she does is no longer your concern. I am sure she will fall. She's already made vad choices. It wouldn't surprise me if she quit college. Why? Her willpower and minset aren't as strong as yours. Differen't people handle impacts differently. I once did the samething for my beloved...i watched in horror her changes...despite my efforts...my great love and four years and a half...despite the help..i was powerless. I tried to show her...you cannot ever show them... It will drive you crazy...just move on. It's time. Time you focus on you. Nice meeting you! This forums has really helped me through the process. -- As of right now, I need to continue NC and build my relationship with myself. I once was so happy in my life but when I met her, I slowly lost interest in the things that I love. I need to learn how to continue to do what I love with and without a girlfriend. I was just wondering though, do you ever become friends with your ex? I know deep down inside I should never date this girl again and that I shouldn't have to put up with this. But, I'm worried for her and I don't want to see her fall and I know it's not my life but it's tough to watch. Down the road if she keeps contacting should I contact her? I will ignore her, but how far do you ignore someone?
destroyed4sho Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Thank you so much for this, it means a lot and will definitely become helpful. The thing that bothers me most is that I have always been there for her, through everything. As I mentioned, she didn't have the best upbringing and I wanted to show her she could better herself and succeed. She was so happy when she got on the honor roll and got into college. But once she met her friend, she changed completely. I am worried that she might go downhill again, and maybe not complete college. I was the only one in her life constantly pushing her. I just pray she doesn't do something wrong but she's not in my control anymore and I am sticking to no contact. I read about forgiving and forgetting but wasn't sure if thats for me inside or if I have to tell her one day I forgive her and talk to her. I know if I speak to her now she won't learn her lesson and maybe she never will but it's so sad that she is this way. You would think she would want to stir away from that. My father cheated on my mother while she was pregnant and had three little ones, and I have never been able to discuss this with my dad because i'm afraid to but I have always said to myself I don't want to do that to someone especially after it happened to me. Why doesn't she do that with the way her family is? Bc people react differently to abuse or family dyfunction. There are soooo many factors that go into how a childs personality is developed ranging from genetics to type of abuse to inborn temperment, sex,..age of abuse, etc....so many things. Your father cheated on your.mother but sounds like he was a good parent to you. You rejected your fathers cheating and and now as an adult you see it as a wrong thing to do. Your gf situation sounds different. Logically she may know her parents arent right but emotionally she may have self esteem issues that make her seek out men similar to her father in order to feel validation. I can tell you from my own experience the feeling of validation from someone that resembles your abusive/neglecting parent can be very intoxicating. I dont know you or your gf and the above is just an 2 diff examples.
Author Sloan Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Bc people react differently to abuse or family dyfunction. There are soooo many factors that go into how a childs personality is developed ranging from genetics to type of abuse to inborn temperment, sex,..age of abuse, etc....so many things. Your father cheated on your.mother but sounds like he was a good parent to you. You rejected your fathers cheating and and now as an adult you see it as a wrong thing to do. Your gf situation sounds different. Logically she may know her parents arent right but emotionally she may have self esteem issues that make her seek out men similar to her father in order to feel validation. I can tell you from my own experience the feeling of validation from someone that resembles your abusive/neglecting parent can be very intoxicating. I dont know you or your gf and the above is just an 2 diff examples. Thank you for the reply. I totally understand what you're saying. She was very self-conscious to things that made no sense to me. I was somewhat horrified and confused when I witnessed some of the things she had to go through with her family. I was confused to her situation but tried my best to show her the right thing. Her mother would always try to buy her relationship back with gifts and it always bothered me. But, her grandparents are very proper and I became somewhat close to them. They understood how much my ex had been through and really thanked me for being their for her fathers passing and through her mother/step fathers relationship, and helping her do better in school, etc. They were really happy she had me in her life. Now I sit here and wonder, what will she tell them when they ask her why we split? Will she tell the truth or make up a lie.
Author Sloan Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 You're alright. Don't take the troll thing seriously. I was making a funny.. I am glad it is helpful, thank you. What she does is no longer your concern. I am sure she will fall. She's already made vad choices. It wouldn't surprise me if she quit college. Why? Her willpower and minset aren't as strong as yours. Differen't people handle impacts differently. I once did the samething for my beloved...i watched in horror her changes...despite my efforts...my great love and four years and a half...despite the help..i was powerless. I tried to show her...you cannot ever show them... It will drive you crazy...just move on. It's time. Time you focus on you. I definitely need to build on my relationship with myself but I'm having trouble building confidence. I have always been shy why prevents me from walking up to a girl and communicating. I was just wondering if you had any tips to build confidence. I think the biggest one I hear is through experience and one day you just need to do it because if you don't, it more than likely you won't see that person again.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 You just h av e to do it. 1) dont worry about strangers; if it doesn't go well, just remember, it is nothing big: you don't have to see them again. 2) never start big; actually, start with a hi, how are you? 3) Leave. Start again, maybe next time make her laugh, yeah, it's corny. I would better help but am at work so.
Author Sloan Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 You just h av e to do it. 1) dont worry about strangers; if it doesn't go well, just remember, it is nothing big: you don't have to see them again. 2) never start big; actually, start with a hi, how are you? 3) Leave. Start again, maybe next time make her laugh, yeah, it's corny. I would better help but am at work so. -- Thank you for that. I'm just worried for my ex, I know people say she's old enough to make her own decisions but I shouldn't do anything in the future to help her out? I just hope she doesn't go down the wrong path but with the people in her life right now, anything is possible. I just feel I won't ever be able to get the truth out of this girl unless something makes her change but I have no clue about this.
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