esstee Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Hi all, so basically recently I was seeing this guy (dunno if it will even count as seeing him now if I mucked things up), and he seemed so perfect, we have the exact same interests, both get on hilariously well, both feel so easy and happy in one another's company; it feels as if we are girlfriend and boyfriend when together. Only one problem. I'm 19. He's 32. Yeah, massive age gap. It certainly is completely forgotten when we are together; part of the reason why I'm so sad this has potentially ended because we were on each other's level so much. But obviously that is a big big factor/problem. So I decided to take it super super slow, physically and emotionally so I wouldn;t get hurt. I've been rejected/hurt by guys horribly in the past so I am terrified of affection/rejection overall, so I was a little apprehensive. First date was wonderful, we got on so well and agreed to see each other again. Things were great; the only weird thing was apart from the first date he'd just ask me to come round to his, he'd cook me dinner we'd watch films. He never tried anything malicious or anything, heck we haven;t even made out, we just enjoyed each other's company so so much. But yeah, all the dates were at his, with him cooking dinner...he'd be affectionate with me like stroke my hair or hold my hand but that was it. So I didn't think he could be using me? However last week something weird happened. I went round to his, he cooked me dinner etc and he had asked me to stay over...but he said 'i won't try make a move or anything' (he never explicitly told me we were dating which was confusing but the atmosphere and his behaviour were certainly date-esque...) so I agreed, brought over my least sexiest pair of cosy pyjamas (he didn't care, he laughed) and again we watched films and cuddled for a bit and we fell asleep; I didn't FEEL like he was trying it on with me, but then again I could be awful at reading signs? Anyway, this week he's being so off with me..do you think the age gap has become all too apparent to him and he wants out or did I do something wrong, should I have been more flirty/initiated something? I just wanted to respect myself and my boundaries as I was wary of the age gap and how I had been hurt previously. I just wanted to get to know him before we did anything physical, to be cautious, I just think he thinks I'm a total prude/not interested/not worth the time...maybe he just wanted me for fun :/ its such a shame as I really felt he ticked all my boxes emotionally and I related to him so much, I'm so devastated and feel like there won't be someone else with his humour or affection.... Should I try see whats up or should I just move on and hopefully find somebody new?
roaminghart11 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 What you need to do is talk to him. Just tell him that you have been having a good time hanging out, and if you want to date him maybe ask him out. This could be nothing to do with you, if he's 32 I'm assuming he has a full time job. Maybe work is really busy this week. Communication is the only way to figure out what is going on. Good luck!
ja123 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 It's too early to say, really. He might have extra stress at work or is tired. I do find it odd, though, that he doesn't want to hang out with you publically. Does he feel weird with the age difference? Only he would know. As a side note, I dated a guy who was 32 when I was 19. Unfortunately, he only used me for sex. I'm glad to read that you have some boundaries and ask to be respected.
Author esstee Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Well update guys he still is being very off/hardly speaking to me. Guess he did just want sex after all I keep blaming myself and thinking 'if I had slept with him would he still be speaking to me' because I just wanted to take things slow, as he's older and I didn't want to get hurt; it was more of a protection thing to see his true colours not to play games or anything! Well it sucks but hey what can you do better it stopped now rather than getting hurt later down the line. He's already flirting with lots of girls in front of me, he acts completely different from when he was dating me...looking back I can kinda see that he seemed too good to be true compared to what he actually behaves like...guess he is just a player?!
Kingtut380 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 He probably just thought you weren't interested. He sounds like a saint to me. I couldn't imagine a girl being at my house that much without at least making some intentions know. Sounds like this guy didn't try anything. Guys are morons. Let him know how you feel.
Author esstee Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 He probably just thought you weren't interested. He sounds like a saint to me. I couldn't imagine a girl being at my house that much without at least making some intentions know. Sounds like this guy didn't try anything. Guys are morons. Let him know how you feel. Thing is it was verrrry obvious I liked him and I would reciprocate in the flirting touching etc, just wouldn't go further, it was pretty blatant we both liked each other!!
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 You were at his house, slept over, and he didn't make a move on you. It doesn't sound like he just wanted sex to me. But, in all honesty, I have no idea what's going on with this guy. From what you say, his actions don't point to an obvious answer. Maybe you should just ask him....
Author esstee Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 You were at his house, slept over, and he didn't make a move on you. It doesn't sound like he just wanted sex to me. But, in all honesty, I have no idea what's going on with this guy. From what you say, his actions don't point to an obvious answer. Maybe you should just ask him.... It is confusing. I left it awhile to give him space, then started chatting suggesting we meet but he's been making excuses, i then asked him if he was ok as he'd been very quiet and he said he was fine...then proceeded to continue being off with me. Oh well, it was really fun and great what we had but obviously he found somebody better!!
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