expos Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 OK...first off I'd to thank everyone beforehand that decides to reply and help me out with my situation. Here it goes: Back in 1999, I met my girlfriend and things were really good for about two years. Things started to get iffy in late 2001 after I graduated from college. She was being really mean and irritable with me, and I noticed an overall change in attitude. It turns out she was pregnant. I was completely devasted by this, because I made it very clear to her that I did not want children anytime soon. I felt that 22 was too young to be father and that our best days were still ahead of us. We thought about abortion, but both determined that this would too hard on us...and we both believed that our child deserved a chance at life. My son was born April 2002, premature (2 lbs. 4 oz). It was both the happiest and scariest day of my life. Happy, because I got to see a new soul enter this world before my own eyes, but scary because it's going to be a long hard road that I wasn't even prepared for. We are an unwed couple with a child. Those of you in this position know it isn't easy... I must first tell you a little bit about my girlfriend. I don't find her to be all that bright, and sometimes a little annoying. I don't claim to be the world's brightest bulb...but her intelligence is lacking (love is blind in the beginning of a relationship...and having fun is all that matters). My girlfriend's mother is a little mentally slow...and her father seems to be bitter man who hates his own life. Family functions are not fun with these people. Their way of life, beliefs, and personalities are not what I want out of my girlfriend and I'm afraid that she is on this path to chaos. It's very disturbing that my girlfriend finds her mother "the most talented and coolest person in the world" when obviously this women is a complete wack-job. I try to look past this. My girlfriend is an outstanding mother and worships our son. The fact that she is a excellent mother is seems to smother her shortcomings. Since then I've held down a really nice job and supported the both of them. My son is my pride and joy and I love him with all of my heart and I have provided 100%. I've never cheated on my girlfriend and have done the best I could. I see myself as a good father. My girlfriend hasn't worked a day since his birth...and is a stay-at-home mom. My son does not go to daycare because it's too expensive. So she basically stays home with everyday..all day. She does not own a vehicle...so they are trapped in the house all day until I get home. I think she lacks the motivation and drive that I want from a partner and I've discussed this with her. I'm afraid she won't change her ways. Well, now it's two years down the road and I've been miserable for the past year and a half. I realize that I no longer love my girlfriend but continue to be with her simply because I want to see my 2.5-year old son everyday. She continues to love me...but doesn't seem to sense my feelings towards her...which are NONE. We do not sleep in the same bed anymore, rarely hug or kiss eachother, or seem all that interested in sex and she seems fine with it! I have no longer have the sexual attraction to her that I once had. We are virtually roommates/friends raising a child together. We get along socially but still fight on occasions about little things. The sad thing is that I've basically got everyone fooled into thinking we are still in a happy relationship. It's not fair to anybody, especially my girlfriend. Now...the feelings are stronger than ever to break things off. I personally feel that we'd better off by ourselves...but I don't want my son to live in the father-less home structure...and especially with her wacko family. I'm completely torn on what to do. Money is not an issue. I don't care about child support...I can pay that without a problem. Everybody's well being is a concern...including my girlfriend's. But another problem has surfaced. I'm attracted to another girl who I've known since for a long time, but she does not know who I am. I'm tempted to set up a date to meet her just see what happens...just a friendly meeting. I'm not looking for sexual gratification or a one-night stand...but just a new person to share moments with. I'm disgusted by what I feel, but my heart is telling me that my time with girlfriend is over and that I should quit living the lie. I want to meet this new girl to figure out why I feel this way...and why I've been thinking about her for so long. The problem is, I don't want to be considered a cheater. I don't want to be a disgrace my son or my family. I want to prove my loyality to everybody else, but I'm too scared to break things off with current girlfriend because of all the drama involved. If it doesn't work out with this girl....fine....that's life. The best of luck to her. People say I should should seek relationship therapy for me and my girlfriend...but I'm stubborn guy who makes my makes my own desicions and choices about my own life. I don't see a justifiable reason to hear a formulated response from shrink who has dealt with these situations before. A shrink doesn't know my history...nor does he live in my world everyday. So...in any event...I'd like to hear your responses. A common human response if sometimes more truthful than anything else. So, what the heck should I do?
*Norma* Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 It seems to me, for sake of your son, it is hard to decide what is best, you have to put yourself in a path to happiness as well. The only advice I can give is don't give up just yet on your relationship with your son's mother-girlfriend, try to rekindle what you have lost, maybe re inact dates, make her smile, to see her smile, just may make you smile as well, it may help you realize and remember how beautiful she is, for if you don't feel she is the smartest woman, don't belittle her or make her feel that she is not smart, talk to her, tell her interesting stories and facts, be nice, laugh have fun! You will begin to see that the intellectual level isn't so important its being able to talk to someone and have a good conversation, smiling, and having fun! Even if she lacks some common sense, those are the things you should find cute about her, embrace the small things, if your stepping up trying to be a more caring boyfriend doesn't help you find what you lost, and rekindle that spark, then continue telling her how you feel, continue letting her know that you don't want to lose her and or your son, and if for some reason you don't mind if you lose her, then you must open your eyes wider, because the one way you may lose the contact with your son is if you lose her, you have to try, don't give up. Open your heart and eyes, because if your son loves her, and you love your son, it won't be hard to find it in your heart to love her as well! I don't know her, but I'm sure you can find your way back to happiness with her, if you stop doubting your love for her, and her love for you. She will show you more love, just as when you show her your love. A woman losses her sense of happiness often when her man stops reassuring her that he cares about her, maybe you haven't stopped loving her, your just so caught up in the fact you don't go on lil dates anymore, and have as much fun anymore, your getting bored. Bring back the fun and laughter! She will do her part in the relationship also, as soon as she see's that you are trying, and do her best to keep you two happy, and as a family!*Norma*
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