ColdAsIce Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 (edited) A four year relationship with such potential and promise down the drain because she cheated and ran away like a coward (so many other 'nouns' I could use). She simply said, "Hey, I'm a crazy person and a bad person. I'm sorry for everything. I'm still trying to grow up. Have a great life." That was that. A half-assed insincere apology to somebody that loved her more and did more for her than anyone else in the world ever will. She fed me false promises, led me on, deceived me and smashed my heart into a million tiny pieces. Every day I feel a mixture of anger, sadness and some reason, there's love. I can't shake it. It's not some unconventional story. Plenty of other men have been screwed over by a woman which saw the woman move on like a heartless bitch without remorse. How do I move on and get over this? It's been eating me alive inside for so long now (over a year...). I have major commitment issues when it comes to getting into another relationship. I'm afraid of what I'd do if I get into another relationship and the girl cheats. I'm 22-years-old, if that's necessary to mention. I'm a young dude, yes, but angry, cynical, bitter and more pessimistic than ever. I can't get over the fact that she ****ed me over and moved on without one bit of remorse. How can you destroy someone that is the greatest thing you will ever possibly have? Why do I look at myself as the best she'll ever do? Because I was there for her during the roughest patches of her life when nobody else was. I invested my heart and soul into that relationship and got taken advantage of. I just want her to feel as much remorse and pain as possible. She should. She most definitely should. She needs to reap the repercussions and consequences of her actions. But she doesn't feel a thing. And I have no idea why. And that bothers the living hell out of me. And I can't figure out a way to move on from the fact that she hurt me so heartlessly and moved on as if I never meant a DAMN THING TO HER............. HOW THE **** can you do that somebody? Really makes you feel like a worthless, unlovable piece of **** at the end of the day. Maybe that was the message she tried to convey with her whoretastic actions. I bet so. You made your point, then, you molecular structured cold-hearted slut. Edited February 28, 2013 by ColdAsIce 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 I have been here. Four and half years, ruthelessly cheats. Glorifies in it. Anyway.. Realize she's trash who saved you loads of trouble. She is evil. Go out, be active and find a loving girl...your ex isn't just immature She's a total bitch..who will pay one day. 4
fixing Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 wow, EXACTLY what i am going through... I bet you trusted this girl without a shadow of a doubt? You would have married her? Been faithful? wanted kids? She made you feel so special and loved? Dream girl etc etc Than boooom, you find out the dirty secrets. I know man, i feel for you. And, of course, a year on, after a 4 year relationship is standard. You know what though? **** her, she is a sad, sad, heartless whore. With no morals or principles. And she will live a sad, and bitter lonely life, when she has burnt all her bridges and lost all her friends. Theres no point in waiting/wanting to see remorse. The sad fact is, your a GOOD guy, and you gt burned, like me. She is a sociopath, she is not capable of feeling remorseful. Maybe, down the line, when she meets her match, and she is USED AND CHEATED on she may truly repent. She may even feel to apoligise to you down the road, but, by than you will have the best GF ever, and your ex will mean ZERO to your heart. **** that bitch, she is just running from herself. Love yourself mate. And remember, you WILL get the girl of your dreams, but only when you let this hoe go, and learn to trust again 3
VirileEntity Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 She's dirt. She's trash. She's tantamount to toxic waste. Her body now serves as nothing more than a living, breathing life support operating machine for her vagina which is now nothing more than a cesspool pit for semen to be deposited into. She is a dime a dozen. Plenty of useless entities out there like her. She doesn't deserve one iota of a single solitary millisecond of your time because of what she did to you. You deserve better, hotter, higher quality women. You are in the prime of your life. You are a young, virile, testosterone-fueled STUD while she is, well, the aforementioned. Give us one good reason why she deserves one thought from you? You don't have any solid, concrete answers do you? Then there's the legitimized response that validates the fact that she should therefore be nothing at all to you. **** the memories. **** the past. It's the present time now and only the future remains. You are in control of your own destiny. Let go of this piece of **** who's in the guise of a 'woman' find a REAL, better, higher quality woman that will respect herself, respect you and will give you just as much love as you give her. That will require meeting many women. And that will be the fun part. You go, young buck! You go! 8
markus36 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Can I say, I get the anger, but can we recognise that this level of misogyny isn't good? 1
cavalier99 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 (edited) This is obviously pretty fresh for you guys. I mean hey I wanted my ex (still do to an extent) to burst into flames and explode. I can also see (maybe) grabbing a coffee with her in couple years to catch up if for nothing else to prove to my self I'm over it. Remember eventually you need to be able to forgive them and their huge flaws (for your self) and also forgive yourself for being duped. Remember the goal now is indifference. But go ahead and feel the emotions, be sad angry, mourn, cry, acknowledge the deep hut and get it all out. Cav Edited February 28, 2013 by cavalier99 2
CainJ Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 I am a firm believer that every man should have his heart broken at least once in life. As much as it hurts, it builds strength and character in the long run. And experience in life as well as adversity is a damn good thing. I know my words might not mean much, but you will soon find yourself happier. Might sound silly, but think about what you do have in life and ask yourself if you are better off without a lying, cheater or would you rather be with her in a stress-filled environment? Obviously you aren't saying that you WANT to be with her, but at the end of the day her having remorse wouldn't make you feel any better, anyway. She still lied to you, led you on, deceived you, cheated on you and left you. Remorse won't change the actions she already chose. 3
Thunderchild Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 My ex (of five year relationship) cheated on me at ther work Xmas party and came home pregnant by her paramour. I was completely blind-sided by it and it hurt like H*ll. The break up went surprisingly well from my point of view. I didn't beg or grovel, told her what she meant to me, challenged her to take responsibility for ther actions (which she has yet to do) and as she mumbled a half-assed apology I told her to get out of my sight. I haven't heard from her since. In my heart of hearts, I know we can never be reconciled, nor is she likely to miss me. She is 44 years old and was told that she could never have children. She now has a baby and nothing else on this planet will matter to her least of all the hurt she caused me. I've been No Contact for 12 days and realising that she won't be back combined with the knowledge of what she has done (plus her inablity to acknowledge her wrong doing) makes the healing that little bit easier. I don't trust her, I don't believe her and I have no respect for her. My advice - forget her, move on. Don't even consider speaking to her in the future. She has to learn that cheating has its consequences and that the consequence in this situation is losing you (and all you could have been to/for her) from her life forever. You are hurting now, but in a couple of years it will be a lot better and she'll be hurting far more and for far longer knowing what she threw away. Never mind all this New Age-y, beardie wierdie, open toe sandal, "Peace Man" forgive and forget (even if it is only for yourself) rubbish. Just cut her out of your life, forget her and move on. Strength to your heart! 3
Thunderchild Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Can I say, I get the anger, but can we recognise that this level of misogyny isn't good? And, when a woman goes off on one at her cheating scum ex-boyfriend will you be there to warn us about the misandry??
cavalier99 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 My ex (of five year relationship) cheated on me at ther work Xmas party and came home pregnant by her paramour. I was completely blind-sided by it and it hurt like H*ll. The break up went surprisingly well from my point of view. I didn't beg or grovel, told her what she meant to me, challenged her to take responsibility for ther actions (which she has yet to do) and as she mumbled a half-assed apology I told her to get out of my sight. I haven't heard from her since. In my heart of hearts, I know we can never be reconciled, nor is she likely to miss me. She is 44 years old and was told that she could never have children. She now has a baby and nothing else on this planet will matter to her least of all the hurt she caused me. I've been No Contact for 12 days and realising that she won't be back combined with the knowledge of what she has done (plus her inablity to acknowledge her wrong doing) makes the healing that little bit easier. I don't trust her, I don't believe her and I have no respect for her. My advice - forget her, move on. Don't even consider speaking to her in the future. She has to learn that cheating has its consequences and that the consequence in this situation is losing you (and all you could have been to/for her) from her life forever. You are hurting now, but in a couple of years it will be a lot better and she'll be hurting far more and for far longer knowing what she threw away. Never mind all this New Age-y, beardie wierdie, open toe sandal, "Peace Man" forgive and forget (even if it is only for yourself) rubbish. Just cut her out of your life, forget her and move on. Strength to your heart! Ha I'm assuming that is directed at my post. I'm not advocating ..not forgetting her and moving on. I think when i say forgive it is more like don't hold onto the hurt too long and let it consume you type deal. also some of us tend to blame our selves and need to let that go also and beat ourselves up over thing we didn't control. I'm all for emotional fortitude... not really a new age "peace man" type at all. Lol 1
Thunderchild Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Hi Cav - how goes? - no, it wasn't specifically aimed at your post. I see all this forgive and forget horse doo-doo all over these boards. And, I'm [pretty much anti this kind of stuff. If they dump on you why should you forgive and forget as opposed to simply forgetting??
markus36 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 And, when a woman goes off on one at her cheating scum ex-boyfriend will you be there to warn us about the misandry?? If I see it... it was more inspired by VirileEntity's post which was pretty offensive. I get the anger, I was cheated on
flitzanu Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 A four year relationship with such potential and promise down the drain because she cheated and ran away like a coward (so many other 'nouns' I could use). She simply said, "Hey, I'm a crazy person and a bad person. I'm sorry for everything. I'm still trying to grow up. Have a great life." That was that. A half-assed insincere apology to somebody that loved her more and did more for her than anyone else in the world ever will. She fed me false promises, led me on, deceived me and smashed my heart into a million tiny pieces. Every day I feel a mixture of anger, sadness and some reason, there's love. I can't shake it. It's not some unconventional story. Plenty of other men have been screwed over by a woman which saw the woman move on like a heartless bitch without remorse. How do I move on and get over this? It's been eating me alive inside for so long now (over a year...). I have major commitment issues when it comes to getting into another relationship. I'm afraid of what I'd do if I get into another relationship and the girl cheats. I'm 22-years-old, if that's necessary to mention. I'm a young dude, yes, but angry, cynical, bitter and more pessimistic than ever. I can't get over the fact that she ****ed me over and moved on without one bit of remorse. How can you destroy someone that is the greatest thing you will ever possibly have? Why do I look at myself as the best she'll ever do? Because I was there for her during the roughest patches of her life when nobody else was. I invested my heart and soul into that relationship and got taken advantage of. I just want her to feel as much remorse and pain as possible. She should. She most definitely should. She needs to reap the repercussions and consequences of her actions. But she doesn't feel a thing. And I have no idea why. And that bothers the living hell out of me. And I can't figure out a way to move on from the fact that she hurt me so heartlessly and moved on as if I never meant a DAMN THING TO HER............. HOW THE **** can you do that somebody? Really makes you feel like a worthless, unlovable piece of **** at the end of the day. Maybe that was the message she tried to convey with her whoretastic actions. I bet so. You made your point, then, you molecular structured cold-hearted slut. did i miss the part on how you know she cheated on you?
Thunderchild Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Markus - the point of this whole place is to provide a forum for people to vent; free of judgement. People are hurting on these boards and they'll say some pretty extreme things in their pain and anger. God knows, I've said some pretty hurtful things to people in my life which I didn't really mean. And, I've listened to friends venting who have said some pretty harsh things. The best thing to do is let them burn it out of their systems. If we start judging people on here and telling them that what they are saying is offensive/misogynistic/misandrist how are they going to get it all out there??
Chi townD Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Wow, that was cold as hell! Are you sure you didn't date my Ex?
KatZee Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 "Hey, I'm a crazy person and a bad person. I'm sorry for everything. I'm still trying to grow up. Have a great life." She said it herself. She's crazy and a bad person. Really makes you feel like a worthless, unlovable piece of **** at the end of the day. She's messed in the head. What she does doesn't reflect who you are as a person. SHE'S the screwed up one. You're not worthless and unlovable, you just made a bad decision to stay with a s.hitty person. And be honest here. She didn't just wake up one day 4 years later and turn into a c.untlord. I'm sure there were more than enough signs that pointed to her crappy personality and her screwed up mind. Look back. Recall the red flags you blatantly ignored. Lesson learned, don't do that again. 2
markus36 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Markus - the point of this whole place is to provide a forum for people to vent; free of judgement. People are hurting on these boards and they'll say some pretty extreme things in their pain and anger. God knows, I've said some pretty hurtful things to people in my life which I didn't really mean. And, I've listened to friends venting who have said some pretty harsh things. The best thing to do is let them burn it out of their systems. If we start judging people on here and telling them that what they are saying is offensive/misogynistic/misandrist how are they going to get it all out there?? I get the venting, I truly do, but surely that doesn't mean that we've got carte blanche - the comment that offended me didn't even come from the OP
cavalier99 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Hi Cav - how goes? - no, it wasn't specifically aimed at your post. I see all this forgive and forget horse doo-doo all over these boards. And, I'm [pretty much anti this kind of stuff. If they dump on you why should you forgive and forget as opposed to simply forgetting?? Ha. Well at the end of the day forgetting is what we need to do. So I'm not sure there really is any difference in forgiving and forgetting. Once we forget (or remember without emotion) we will appear to be forgiving because we just wont give a flying f*ck.
Mack05 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 (edited) Thunderchild forgiveness helps us get free from a grip that a person has over us. It takes the power we have given them, away from them. I love this clip from Girdiron gang which illustrates perfectly how forgiveness can help us... 'Harbouring resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die'..If the OP can forgive his ex for her horrible behaviour, he gets to move forward in a positive frame of mind. He gets to leave go of all baggage associated with her and never looks back. She probably ends up with a trainwreck of a life. It's about putting the blocks in place for a happy future and not having her horrible actions effect his future. Sometimes people p!$$ all over us. "Let god deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you to". Even if you are not spiritual, forgiveness can still work. Some people are incapable of forgiveness. I feel sorry for people who can't forgive. Their hearts and their minds are closed and most will never go onto feel the happiness they should in life. I hope the OP forgives his ex and moves forward with his life in a positive frame of mind. Living a great life is the best revenge on an ex. 9 Steps » Forgive for good Edited February 28, 2013 by Mack05 3
purplereigncb Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Mack should we tell them we forgive them? I don't wish to do it now, but maybe years from now. If I do it know it will sound fake and forced
adelia Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Hate will drain your good energy. hate is poison. with hate there can never be happiness. hate is unresolved. Ive hated before not an ex but someone very close and it took a lot to realize what forgiveness was. it wasnt being ok with what happened it was taking a look at the whole picture minus the emotion then it was accepting that they were what they were and for reasons i didnt understand. eventually i felt pity for them not to say that always happens. once i forgave it was like a huge weight had been lifted and i could move on in a new direction. the hurt was still there but it was less consuming without the gnawing hatred
Mack05 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Mack should we tell them we forgive them? I don't wish to do it now, but maybe years from now. If I do it know it will sound fake and forced No need bro. They don't need to know. Just remember sometimes forgiveness takes time. It doesn't have to be rushed. 1
LostOne1 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 No need bro. They don't need to know. Just remember sometimes forgiveness takes time. It doesn't have to be rushed. True that.. I think I have forgiven my ex finally.. I mean I remember the good moments and have let it all go now. I wouldn't want to be with her again, but I def don't have anymore hate now. I think after 9 months I have finally moved on. I'm ready for what's ahead even knowing that she isn't going to come for the ride anymore. Looks like I got an empty seat to fill or just use as more room for myself 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Either they will own you: through hate or love. Forgiveness is that key that sets free the bitter chains that bind us to them. It doesn't mean, we should tell them, we forgave them. It doesn't mean, we can be friends. What it means: freedom, from the wrongdoer. 1
Author ColdAsIce Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Wow. I never expected this many replies. Thanks to everyone who took their time to write retorts. @the guy that asked how I knew she cheated: I guess you failed to read the meat of the post, or at least the beginning paragraph that involved her calling herself 'crazy' and a 'bad person' and delivering a half-hearted, insincere apology and an excuse that was simply "I'm just trying to grow up and I'm nowhere near as mature as you". I could go into the nitty gritty of finding out she was cheating and how she tried to curve it into NOT cheating and that she was doing nothing wrong (before she admitted it), but I'd rather refrain so that I can keep the intense angry emotions at bay. Someone else also suggested that she was always like this, deep down, that there were red flags before. And yeah, I guess so. Good point. During the two years of our relationship, she was an absolute angel. Perfect in every way. The model girlfriend. Then, red flags ensued. Out of nowhere she showed signs of extreme -- and I mean eXtreme with the random capitalized X -- jealousy anywhere we'd go. It was kind of nice at first, but eventually it was more of a finger pointing game of making me feel bad. And continuing from the last paragraph -- I made a crucial error. Instead of addressing her out-of-nowhere showings of extreme jealousy issues, I didn't. Just agreed with her. Disrespected myself. That was one of the many red flags, but the biggest. That and the fact that she would constantly compare herself to exes that I had...... back in 2006 AND 2007. People that she never even knew nor met in the first place. Eventually she tapered away from doing that. Our relationship stabilized. Some days were great, some days were meh. We would argue over petty BS, and she would be the one to instigate it. Then she'd come back later and apologize. I could ramble on and on.
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