yasmina1706 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 So, I am 23 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years. I recently spent a day working with another student I hadnt met before. I felt an instant attraction to him. I am not a very physical person but I found that we were standing/walking inappropriately close together almost immediately. We spent 2 hours over lunch and found out that we were very similar despite being from different religions and growing up in different countries. Some things that had happened in our lives and that we had achieved were uncannily similar. I felt simultaneously really comfortable and really nervous with this person, and had to catch myself to stop myself flirting with him. I quickly told him I had a boyfriend and saw his disappointment, but he stopped flirting with me as well. Anyway, I thought this was just a little crush and it would go away when I no longer saw him, but a week later I'm still thinking about him a lot. I have had relationships before and crushes, one night stands, whatever, and have never cheated on my boyfriend, or wanted to. But I've never felt this instant connection, comfortableness and attraction combined for anyone. I don't want to act on this, and I want it to go away, but it has got me thinking about what I'm missing in my relationship. I've never had that kind of spark with my boyfriend, although we have always got on really well, and our physical chemistry has always been somewhat lacking. I guess it has highlighted that maybe I am settling for something when I need more. I don't know. Has anyone been through this?
Bryanp Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Maybe you should ask yourself how you would feel if the roles were reversed and it was your boyfriend who was flirting with someone else?
Darren Steez Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Alot of people will pipe up for the "betrayed" boyfriend. But truth is, if you feel this way then you have to tell him, as hard as it is. Would you have "flirted" if your boyfriend was around? You felt this connection and in some small part you acted on it, but to be fair you did front up and tell him you had a boyfriend. Things might be a little samey with your guy, but be careful, you had an amazing "connection" with someone you just met, you don't really know him that well, after a while he may show his true colors, who knows? But you must also be careful of the grass is greener syndrome. Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. It might save alot of hurt later on.
Chi townD Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 There is no such thing as love at first site. Love is always mistaken for lust. And a lot of people will act on this lust, but once it wears off you're usually ending up looking at someone you really don't know...and the relationship ends. A loving relationship takes time and effort with two people doing the work. Now, if you truely feel that this guy is worth throwing your boyfriend and his broken heart down the toliet, then let him down gently as possible. But, you know absolutely nothing about this other dude that you only met once. He every well may have a history of beating every girlfriend he ever had. When we meet someone new, guys are usually on our best behavior, you haven't seen this guys true colors yet. You might be feeling a connection to an absolute monster. 2
loversquarrel Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Your age may have something to do with this. If you are feeling attraction toward other men in this fashion, that should tell you something. Its one thing to be in a relationship and notice an attractive person, but to bring it to "crush" level coupled with interactions, that's significant.
Author yasmina1706 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 So, I talked to my boyfriend and said I was weirded out by my connection to this guy and that it was troubling me as I feel we need to work on our relationship and connection. As soon as I told him my feelings for this oher guy dissipated.
Author yasmina1706 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Alot of people will pipe up for the "betrayed" boyfriend. But truth is, if you feel this way then you have to tell him, as hard as it is. Would you have "flirted" if your boyfriend was around? You felt this connection and in some small part you acted on it, but to be fair you did front up and tell him you had a boyfriend. Things might be a little samey with your guy, but be careful, you had an amazing "connection" with someone you just met, you don't really know him that well, after a while he may show his true colors, who knows? But you must also be careful of the grass is greener syndrome. Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. It might save alot of hurt later on. Thank you!! This was a brilliant answer and every bit of it true. You really helped
candie13 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 you're very young, still. While you may feel attracted by other people while in a relationship, ultimately, you choose to stay with your current partner because of the depth of your feelings for him, because of who he is... if, however, you spend weeks fantasizing about another man and you feel drawn to other people on constant basis... maybe that's a sign that your relationship is no longer satisfying. Learn to recognize each step of your evolution, so stay true to yourself and ultimately, be happy - in your relationship and outside them, as a person.
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