picaso28 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Basically I took a girl I used to work with on a date. She sort of knows I like her and agree to go out. Date went well, pleasent enough but I didn't really feel we had a opportunity to grab a kiss or just be intimate. Only thing is at start of date she actually told me she is going for a quick drink with a guy she works with now....who I know.She said its just for an hour and tried to apologise. I played it down and we basically had a laugh about the whole thing. We ended date well and I left it as she needs to now contact me for a second date. But just want advice as to whether I should even bother at all? I mean if she is agreeing to date another guy it seems she isn't that interested and also halfway through she did say she isn't sure about how she feels about us. Just don't want to waste my time. Advice please?
thecrucible Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Nothing wrong with going on dates with more than one person at a time. It's just a date. Also if you're interested in her, why should she be the one to contact you? That's the dude's job.
todreaminblue Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 If she is single then she has the right to date others at least she has been upfront with you..... if you have feelings fro her it is your responsibility to share them if you would like to date her more then you need to do so and not wait for her, be calm and self assured not agressive and just ask , from what you are saying it is mutual so you dont have to be nervous, if you hold out and wait ....what exactly are you waiting for? are you waitign fro her to develop feelings for someone else.....take action.....not everything should be left for the woman to do .....it doesnt show a womans worth ...in this case....this womans worth to you..take the chance and jump in....deb
thecrucible Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 It is up to you...but I would not date a multi dater if you are in for a serious relationship... People who multi date will always be more prone to multi when they are in a relationship too... That's not necessarily true. Some people want to go on dates with more than one person so they can explore their options. If dating is basically a job interview for a boyfriend, why not have more options? I assume by multi-dating you refer to just more than one date. I'm not talking about this in terms of getting intimate with more than one guy at once. But it is perfectly acceptable to go on a date with one guy on Tuesday, and another guy on Friday. OP, another thing is that you asked her on the date, so she probably expects you to let her know if you're interested in another date. That is standard practice so if you expect otherwise, you're defying convention. I certainly wouldn't chase up a guy if he didn't get back to me after a date. I'd move on quickly and find someone else to go on a date with.
Axee Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 If same thing a guy had told a girl that he is going for drinks with another gal whom she also knows, would the girl have taken it so postively... She would have called him a player. Anyways, the meaning here could be miriad. She maybe thinkings thats being upfront, or she might have taken you like a friend and told you about it.. Anything is possible, contact her again and then you will know..
Keenly Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 I guess it all comes to how you feel about the other person, I would not accept someone to date anyone else while dating me... It is just not an option... If the other person is not enough interested on me that needs to look for other options I am not interested on it either... so you basically want some one to be exclusive as of the first date?
salparadise Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Basically I took a girl I used to work with on a date. She sort of knows I like her and agree to go out. Date went well, pleasent enough but I didn't really feel we had a opportunity to grab a kiss or just be intimate. Only thing is at start of date she actually told me she is going for a quick drink with a guy she works with now....who I know.She said its just for an hour and tried to apologise. I played it down and we basically had a laugh about the whole thing. We ended date well and I left it as she needs to now contact me for a second date. But just want advice as to whether I should even bother at all? I mean if she is agreeing to date another guy it seems she isn't that interested and also halfway through she did say she isn't sure about how she feels about us. Just don't want to waste my time. Advice please? She told you she was going for a drink, just for an hour. That's not exactly the same thing as dating the other guy. Perhaps she was telling you so that you would understand it wasn't a date-date, and so it wouldn't seem like she was being secretive about it. After one date I can understand that she wouldn't be sure how she felt about "us." Did you ask her a question that prompted this as a reply or did she offer it out of the blue, so to speak? If you're interested in her you'd better ask her out again asap or she'll certainly think that you're not interested and perhaps start dating the other guy. You're making way too many assumptions. Don't assume anything. The window of opportunity is open, but it may not be open for long. Call her!
clia Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Basically I took a girl I used to work with on a date. She sort of knows I like her and agree to go out. Date went well, pleasent enough but I didn't really feel we had a opportunity to grab a kiss or just be intimate. Only thing is at start of date she actually told me she is going for a quick drink with a guy she works with now....who I know.She said its just for an hour and tried to apologise. I played it down and we basically had a laugh about the whole thing. We ended date well and I left it as she needs to now contact me for a second date. But just want advice as to whether I should even bother at all? I mean if she is agreeing to date another guy it seems she isn't that interested and also halfway through she did say she isn't sure about how she feels about us. Just don't want to waste my time. Advice please? Are you sure she is going on a date with her coworker? I grab drinks with my male coworkers from time to time, one on one occasionally, and they are not dates. But even if it was a date, it sounds like she already had this date set up before she went out with you, so she is going through with her plans, and has told you accordingly. If you like her, there is no reason to stop pursuing her. One guy always wins out when a woman is multi-dating in the early stages of the relationship. Why not you?
ltjg45 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Yes.. after the first date I consider it totally exclusive... if the woman I am dating is interested on me would see it in the same way, else I am not interested either... I can't fault you for that line of thinking because I don't believe I should multi-date either. One women at a time. If it doesn't work is when I look elsewhere. On that same token, I would respect and prefer any women that dates the same way. However, I don't consider it an absolute requirement like animalover does. Still, his reasoning for doing so is legit and I can respect that just the same. 2
clia Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Maybe because he doesn't want to enter in a competition game about who gets first? I would feel very humiliated if I had to pass such a selection process... Which is obviously why you only date women you know and require exclusivity after the first date. To each their own. However, when people date in more common dating scenarios (i.e., they don't know the person very well on the first date and/or have just met), there is naturally a selection process that is going on as they weed out the people they don't like, and continue to see more of the people they do like. One person inevitably rises to the top. And to be clear, I think it's perfectly okay to discuss dating exclusively after a few dates, and certainly after sex, if things are going well, but to expect to be number 1 priority after one date when you've just met someone is a little strange to me. I would think a guy was cuckoo if he expected me to be exclusive after one date. 2
Author picaso28 Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 Wow thanks for all replies ....obviously a contentious issue! Few points: I have told her I like her but not in a clingy too strong way. this prompted her to discuss 'us' and how she feels. I told her I am totally cool taking it slow and seeing how she feels. Also she did make arrangement to have drink with this guy before I asked her, again I told her I'm fine with it, which I am , we aren't an item. Yeah it is definitely a date with him, they never speak in work. Last point, before our date she called me drunk late one night and asked me to go round. now I did leave but I called her halfway to her and made excuse to say I couldn't come. I did this because I do genuinely like her as long term option not just sex fling. Hence why I don't know whether to even bother now. Now the other thing is I am actually going on a date tomoz with someone I met , I didn't mention this to her when she told me about the guy as I didn't want to put her off. However if she showed more interest in me I would call this date off.
siamex Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Why wait around for this girl to come around? I mean, sure keep her as a viable option but go out with the other girl and see how that goes. Waiting for someone to catch notice wastes your time as an eligible person. You never know if the girl you didn't go out with turns out to be the one you've been seeking and the one you waited and waited for turns out to be vastly incompatible with you.
Author picaso28 Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 sjamex ......that's what I have been thinking and why I posted really. I mean I do like the girl I took out, have done for some time but I guess I am just thinking why waste time on her if she if keeping her options open....I mean if she did think we could work she would not be wanting date other guys really..... I am going on a date with the other girl that's for sure. Just don't know whether I should even bother with the other anymore. That's why I told her to txt me really. I asked her out, took the laid, was open how I feel but I want sonething back now to make me pursue her if you get what I mean . Thanks for reply bro
hudson701 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Dating is expensive. This, I do know. Furthermore, women never chase, which kinda makes dating a bit of a grind sometimes.
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