Martor Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 The purpose of this thread is to vent, get advice, and perhaps hear people that have felt this pain and regret I am feeling now. Backstory: Early 20s, met at school, fell in love almost instantly, dated for almost 3 years. Story: We had a wicked honeymoon phase. We loved each other very much, she was the apple of my eye for the first year. For the next two years, I often contemplated breaking up with her because I wanted to try new girls, and I thought that there were certain things about our relationship that were just not perfect enough for me. At the 1 year mark, I started getting frustrated, namely because the sex was horrible and very infrequent (once every two weeks). However, I loved her enough to stay with her for 2 more years and put up with that crap. I had a very rough period of time in my life between years 2 and 3. At the 3 year mark, I moved to another state for 4 months (as a mini-vacation, to ease my anxiousness about life and take my mind off of everything). Here is where I started screwing things up: - I somehow lead her to believe that I was going across country to meet other girls, and basically "try my hand" at meeting someone better than her. Unfortunately, this was SOMEWHAT true, I had G.I.G.S and just wanted to see what was out there. - I did end up cheating on her with a girl for 2-3 weeks, but all this did was make me realize that I loved my girlfriend and so I stopped. *She never found out about this and never will. I know I'm a complete ******* - I yearned for my girlfriend for the remainder of the trip, I was ready to come back to my home state and be the best boyfriend ever. Naturally, I got dumped the day I arrived home because of the way I left things with her before my vacation. I ended up contacting her 1 week post-breakup, and she still wanted to be friends. For the next 4 months we saw each other about twice a month and acted as if we were a couple, there was still TONS of love between us (We kissed, held hands, went on dates, had sex, etc.) She breaks the news to me that she started going on dates with other guys. I felt like I wanted to die, but I know I deserved this pain. However, we hang out a few weeks later and end up sleeping together again. We went out for her birthday (early February) and I tried to kiss her. She refused. This is where I started NC. I could see things were just unhealthy, I would always be in love with her if I tried to continue being her friend. I wanted her back, but I guess she didn't want to do that anymore (even though we love each other so much). So there you have it. I'm NC for almost 3 weeks. SHE now basically has G.I.G.S, and I miss her every single day I live. I know I was in the wrong for cheating on her, but I truly believe it made my love for her much stronger (and this was NOT why we broke up, she never knew). I have no idea if she will ever contact me again. She was my first love. I am extremely confused. At least I'm better prepared to not be an idiot in my next relationships. Any comments, consolement, advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading ladies and gents.
purplereigncb Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 I want to say karma.... But if she like you realizes she loves you more, then more power to the both of you. The only sad part is just that she has to pretty much be with other guys to see if she really wants you. It could easily go the other way.
Author Martor Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 You both are young so let me be the first to welcome you to life / love / dating / relationships. It's not like what you see in the movies. In this day and age, it's almost unheard for you to marry your "first love", "second love". "third love", etc. Both of you will date plenty more people and go through several more long term relationships before you reach the age / maturity where you are ready to meet someone you want to settle down with and marry. Don't take your break up and things not working out as a reflection of you or your self-worth. Chalk it up to timing / age / maturity (lack of perspective / lack of life experience / lack of dating and love experience / etc.) which is basically all "GIGS" is anyway. Get out there, date around, have some fun and experience the world. As you are doing this, take note of qualities that you like, don't like, etc. and know as you mature, your "taste" and what you think is important will grow, develop and change. Thanks for the reply, I found some comfort in it Though there are still constant thoughts of "was she the one?" "will I ever find someone I love as much as her again?" and of course the years it took to build up the trust and comfort we had. Breakups suck, especially when it doesn't feel like it was MEANT to happen at this time.
OSCAR_BUSTOS21 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 (edited) I must say I have never cheated on my current ex, although at the start I was still seeing another lady but I wasn't in a relationship. However, sometimes it does take involvement with others to see what you really have. Looking at your situation you should have stated that you were going on a break and indicated what that would involve and for the length of time. Having said that hindsight is a great thing and I am guilty of somehing very similar but I actually dumped my gf. Let me state what I have learnt, simple I love her more than any woman and that the grass is definately not greener. I regret it big time and although this break may make us stronger if we get back it has been v painful and I'm still working hard on getting her back. For me her new guy is probably a rebound, wait in the wings with a bit nc/lc and see what happens. Your basically the dumper here as very few gfs would wait around especially if they thought you had gigs. Oh and by the way Im 30 years old, I'd kill to be your age again and experiment. Most of my twenties I was in a relationship that sucked. Enjoy, go travelling and play the field. Hell you'll have the time of your life. Edited February 28, 2013 by OSCAR_BUSTOS21
Author Martor Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 I must say I have never cheated on my current ex, although at the start I was still seeing another lady but I wasn't in a relationship. However, sometimes it does take involvement with others to see what you really have. Looking at your situation you should have stated that you were going on a break and indicated what that would involve and for the length of time. Having said that hindsight is a great thing and I am guilty of somehing very similar but I actually dumped my gf. Let me state what I have learnt, simple I love her more than any woman and that the grass is definately not greener. I regret it big time and although this break may make us stronger if we get back it has been v painful and I'm still working hard on getting her back. For me her new guy is probably a rebound, wait in the wings with a bit nc/lc and see what happens. Your basically the dumper here as very few gfs would wait around especially if they thought you had gigs. Oh and by the way Im 30 years old, I'd kill to be your age again and experiment. Most of my twenties I was in a relationship that sucked. Enjoy, go travelling and play the field. Hell you'll have the time of your life. I'm hoping that slowly this undying love will fade away. It's horrible to have to live without her.
siamex Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Sometimes you wonder if life would've been better without knowing an ex or that if you could have existed without that one moment of love. I know that sometimes I do wish I could trade the hurt and pain for a non-relationship but then it wouldn't be vital as a learning process. Take this situation and learn something from it--being young it is probably a better idea to date more than to be serious with one. I made that mistake in my younger days and I think it impaired me for the nature of future relationships because being with someone for 8 years w/o marrying them can lead you to certain behaviors and shortcomings that severely hinder your future experience in relationships. It's tough to let go of your first love (any legitimate love...) but there will be other sunrises and hopefully you'll find the one that won't let you down.
Author Martor Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Sometimes you wonder if life would've been better without knowing an ex or that if you could have existed without that one moment of love. I know that sometimes I do wish I could trade the hurt and pain for a non-relationship but then it wouldn't be vital as a learning process. Take this situation and learn something from it--being young it is probably a better idea to date more than to be serious with one. I made that mistake in my younger days and I think it impaired me for the nature of future relationships because being with someone for 8 years w/o marrying them can lead you to certain behaviors and shortcomings that severely hinder your future experience in relationships. It's tough to let go of your first love (any legitimate love...) but there will be other sunrises and hopefully you'll find the one that won't let you down. I'm happy for the experience she brought me. I'm way better equipped for my next relationship.
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