Bluesocks Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 The last time I spoke to my ex was end of last year and even ran into her a few months after, which was extremely frustrating and disheartening. I Stopped talking to my ex though, no contact for about five to six months. Was very upset and still struggling to move on. She broke up with me more than a year ago, but we still saw each other and reminisced and I tried to make things work, but she wasn't having it and eventually told me to stop contacting her. At this point I gave in and stopped contacting her, but it hurt so much to hear that after almost five years of being together. I have been trying to date other people and she has moved on with other guys, which is fine, but still hurts. I am trying to work, stay busy, and think of anything but her, but at times it seems almost impossible and I feel pathetic and miserable. I started working out again, trying to stay positive and move on, and restart and put my life back together. NC is truly painful, but I try to remind my self, in the long run, it hasn't been enough time for NC but I am afraid she will never call me again. How can my ex not call me for so long and how she moving on? Is she happy? Is the guy shes with better or more loving than I was? Did what we "had" mean absolutely nothing? I guess, in her mind its completely over and I should move on with other people and my life. I have not meet anyone amazing yet, but have seen people here and there. I am afraid to give myself again to anyone else and I think about what my ex. is doing with someone else and it eats away at me. I do understand though, if I do not get things together and move on and, "man up," I will never be happy again or find someone else to be happy with. I could be missing out on life and life with someone truly amazing, I get it. But...I always wonder, will I ever receive that email, that text, or possibly even that phone call, like in the end of the movie, "Swingers." We all secretly want and hope for this and it drives us mad, but whoever has had that opportunity, I consider that a blessing and a curse, but ultimately amazing. It has only been four to five months with no contact, but I do not know how people go so long, I read on here 8 months and more of NC and I think thats just torture. Will she ever call me again? Will I be one of the lucky ones to look down at my phone and see that number that makes me scared and amazing at the same time? So, will she call and if she does, what will it mean? Will it mean she dated and got tired of it and thought of me or, she always loved me? She said so many harsh things at the end, which were so hard to understand and take in, it was truly painful. Here's some harsh things I had to hear and read- I was told that- "I love you, but I am not in love with you right now." "Right now I do not think we should be together, but maybe someday." "Do not call or contact me, you will just cry and be pathetic." "Move on, because I am moving on with someone else, not you." "We can't be together right now, but who knows." I was told we would be, "just friends," and I will always love you, which makes me feel like total poop. That means nothing to me, even though its something. She made it sounds like, no future plans, don't hope because that is pathetic, go find someone else to love, and do not call or contact me, NC forever. I am low and have been through hard times, but I do not want to feel pathetic forever and always wonder what could be someday, will I ever see or hear from her again? Will she make that call everyone hopes for? I do not know how to continue with the NC, because it hurts soo much and everyone says that, they will eventually call back and I do not believe it to be true but I hope it will be because I hurt so much. In the meantime, I want to find someone else, but hope that my ex. and I will be together someday, I just can't picture anything else and its killing me and making me feel so foolish. Any advice would be appreciated, I just want proof that they eventually call back, that you need to give time and space, to almost everything, even to the ones you truly love. That they will call back, it may just take a long time of NC to see so. I just want to hear from her so bad, but do not want to make things worse. Thanks.
jovan Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Am sry blue but its over. She's not going to call you back. She just doesn't want you anymore. Its rough I know, but hey I see a bright future in front of you, case you know how to love, and one day, you will love again, and that one will appreciate it. So keep your chin up and move forward, I know there are some hard times in front of you, but that much sweeter the reward at end of the road will taste
spiritofjosh Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 (edited) I'll tell you a short version of my story because it relates and may help you, or at least show that there is always hope. I dated a girl for close to 5 years, like you. We had broken up 3 different times during this period. The first two were for about two months each. After no contact she would call me and pick our relationship back from there. The third time we broke up for 7-8 months because she dated somebody else. I made no contact with her the whole time until finally 7 months later I wrote her a myspace message saying I missed her. She left her boyfriend about a week after for me. We dated one more year until she finally broke up with me for good and I haven't heard from her since. Now the reason I wrote this isn't to state my problems or direct attention to me. The reason is years after I gave excuses to why she broke up with me, defended her and thought I'd never move on. That I'd never meet somebody like her, maybe not be alone forever but not have a "proper fit" to the void she left. 3 years later I met my current ex girlfriend whom I dated for a year and a half, it's actually a month post-breakup now(my fault for the breakup, not hers. Whole other story). But truth is, my current ex is trustworthy, honest, loyal and isn't "easy." My ex I dated for 5 years had none of these qualities. Besides that we are broken up, my point is I DID meet somebody better. Maybe she doesn't have all the similar characteristics that the previous ex had, but she made me forget her, made me happy. This can and will happen to you. After waiting three years for her to come back, that switch went off almost literally the second I met my current ex, it happened that quick. You WILL move on to bigger and better things and you WILL meet somebody who will make you forget. And will make you realize how imperfect your ex was after all. Sorry this was so long, but you deserve to have a reason to hold your head up. I felt my situations were similar, so good luck to you. Edited February 28, 2013 by spiritofjosh 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Here's some harsh things I had to hear and read- I was told that- "I love you, but I am not in love with you right now." "Right now I do not think we should be together, but maybe someday." "We can't be together right now, but who knows." My ex said all these things too....sucks. It is either bc 1. Indecision at the moment...typical dumper behavior 2. Feel guilt and they are trying to put you down easy "Do not call or contact me, you will just cry and be pathetic." "Move on, because I am moving on with someone else, not you." I am sure your ex cared about you at some point but these words are thoughtless and cruel. Your ex meant them and just did not choose their words wisely. My ex said worse things to me at the end such as: "I don't care about you anymore" "I don't need you anymore" "I wish you would go away" Then about a week later one of the last things she said to me was: "I loved you and I still do" "I want to be friends so we can see if we can work things out"...lol and before that she had said "I will always miss you".... When they start talking future, they are already over you. It is just a moment of nostalgia or guilt and it goes away very quickly...it means NOTHING. 1
RiceaRoni Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 I read the first post, and yeah I know how tough it is too :/ just hoping you'll get some type of message or call or text...for me it has been 5 months also and he has been in a new relationship with a girl for about 4 months...I'm doing NC too and it's even harder when I have too see him about once a week when I go help teach a dance class.. It does get easier though I am a million times better than I was the first couple of months...I guess in time and in doing activities to get your mind off stuff you feel a lot better and not think so much about the other person..Although I still hope to hear from him, the hope has been getting smaller and smaller and eventually i probably won't care anymore. So I hope for the same thing for you...live life and try to get your mind off hoping for a message. Do fun things and when you're alone and start thinking of her and hoping for a message try to instantly take your mind off of that by watching a funny movie or playing video games, etc. "Time heals all wounds" and what also helps me is that i think to myself that he isn't the same person I fell in love with anymore...otherwise he wouldn't have left.
thekarmacist Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 with relationships of this long in duration, the odds are high she'll be in touch with you again at some point. my hope is that when she does, you won't give a da.mn. the way she's keeping you on a string as mr. backup plan with the 'not right now' and 'maybe later' stuff shows her to be the selfish person she is. yuck. 1
purplereigncb Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 This sounds like the same crap I heard. Let it go. Dumpers feed off desperation. our desperation only convinces them that they are on the right track....that's why he's chasing.
destroyed4sho Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 This sounds like the same crap I heard. Let it go. Dumpers feed off desperation. our desperation only convinces them that they are on the right track....that's why he's chasing. Good point. I never thought about it that way...but I think you are right! :-) Just another reason why they act the way they do......lol
thekarmacist Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 i disagree. if the person who ends the relationship senses desperation, they feel they've made the right choice leaving the relationship. when we ignore and we don't chase, our indifference reignites their interest. she seems to be keeping this guy as a backup plan, which is downright mean. if you are gonna let somebody go, let them go already. 1
Coping Vortex Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 The last time I spoke to my ex was end of last year and even ran into her a few months after, which was extremely frustrating and disheartening. I Stopped talking to my ex though, no contact for about five to six months. Was very upset and still struggling to move on. She broke up with me more than a year ago, but we still saw each other and reminisced and I tried to make things work, but she wasn't having it and eventually told me to stop contacting her. At this point I gave in and stopped contacting her, but it hurt so much to hear that after almost five years of being together. I have been trying to date other people and she has moved on with other guys, which is fine, but still hurts. I am trying to work, stay busy, and think of anything but her, but at times it seems almost impossible and I feel pathetic and miserable. I started working out again, trying to stay positive and move on, and restart and put my life back together. NC is truly painful, but I try to remind my self, in the long run, it hasn't been enough time for NC but I am afraid she will never call me again. How can my ex not call me for so long and how she moving on? Is she happy? Is the guy shes with better or more loving than I was? Did what we "had" mean absolutely nothing? I guess, in her mind its completely over and I should move on with other people and my life. I have not meet anyone amazing yet, but have seen people here and there. I am afraid to give myself again to anyone else and I think about what my ex. is doing with someone else and it eats away at me. I do understand though, if I do not get things together and move on and, "man up," I will never be happy again or find someone else to be happy with. I could be missing out on life and life with someone truly amazing, I get it. But...I always wonder, will I ever receive that email, that text, or possibly even that phone call, like in the end of the movie, "Swingers." We all secretly want and hope for this and it drives us mad, but whoever has had that opportunity, I consider that a blessing and a curse, but ultimately amazing. It has only been four to five months with no contact, but I do not know how people go so long, I read on here 8 months and more of NC and I think thats just torture. Will she ever call me again? Will I be one of the lucky ones to look down at my phone and see that number that makes me scared and amazing at the same time? So, will she call and if she does, what will it mean? Will it mean she dated and got tired of it and thought of me or, she always loved me? She said so many harsh things at the end, which were so hard to understand and take in, it was truly painful. Here's some harsh things I had to hear and read- I was told that- "I love you, but I am not in love with you right now." "Right now I do not think we should be together, but maybe someday." "Do not call or contact me, you will just cry and be pathetic." "Move on, because I am moving on with someone else, not you." "We can't be together right now, but who knows." I was told we would be, "just friends," and I will always love you, which makes me feel like total poop. That means nothing to me, even though its something. She made it sounds like, no future plans, don't hope because that is pathetic, go find someone else to love, and do not call or contact me, NC forever. I am low and have been through hard times, but I do not want to feel pathetic forever and always wonder what could be someday, will I ever see or hear from her again? Will she make that call everyone hopes for? I do not know how to continue with the NC, because it hurts soo much and everyone says that, they will eventually call back and I do not believe it to be true but I hope it will be because I hurt so much. In the meantime, I want to find someone else, but hope that my ex. and I will be together someday, I just can't picture anything else and its killing me and making me feel so foolish. Any advice would be appreciated, I just want proof that they eventually call back, that you need to give time and space, to almost everything, even to the ones you truly love. That they will call back, it may just take a long time of NC to see so. I just want to hear from her so bad, but do not want to make things worse. Thanks. It's amazing how consistent dumpers are with the cliches. I got the same exact list from my ex. To the tee. Just Amazing.
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