PrinceAli94 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 (edited) As the thread title explains, do you think it's okay to hit on someone who's in a relationship? I've recently been getting into collecting old vinyl records and have been frequently visiting this little college town shop that specializes in such. In my first visit I met this pretty chill guy who was a Co-Owner and got me a great deal on some loudspeakers and a turntable. He even went out his way to help me look for this obscure LP amongst their thousands of records. He was certainly the kind of guy I'd hang with. On my most recent visits, I've noticed a cute girl working the shop by herself. The first time I saw her, I called her over to ask if they had anymore Dark Side of The Moon, though really It was more of an excuse to talk to her. As she explained that their only copy was on hold, I kept enthusiastically smiling (couldn't help myself) and when she noticed she smiled back, but not just in a polite way, but more so a curious/interested one. As she was checking my items out I began to flirt a bit as she struggled to fit the records into their tiny store bags. Once she finally managed, I said bye and gave another smile, which she returned again. This time she was blushing. After I left, I found myself thinking of her more than the new records I'd gotten. Couple of days later I had a copy of Purple Rain put on hold and went to pick it up. Sure enough, she was there at the counter again. We chatted for a bit about the album ("She likes Prince" I told myself. "She's a keeper!") And then I started asking her some more personnel questions, like how long had she worked there, if she was a student, etc. She told me she wasn't a student, and didn't even work at the store, but was volunteering to help out her boyfriend. The Store Co-Owner! I've felt pretty conflicted about it all since. I know I'll be going back to the store for more records and she'll be there. But I don't know if its right to flirt with someone who's in a relationship. Her BF was a cool guy and he helped me out before. But at the same time, if I never try, how will I know if I ever had a chance? Anybody here on LS been in a similar situation? Any advice is appreciated. Edited February 28, 2013 by PrinceAli94
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 It's hard sometimes not to flirt. But put forth effort. And don't flirt with her. It is wrong. Why? It is disrespectful of her bf. Would you like some guy, flirting with your lady?
Author PrinceAli94 Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 It's hard sometimes not to flirt. But put forth effort. And don't flirt with her. It is wrong. Why? It is disrespectful of her bf. Would you like some guy, flirting with your lady? Honestly there are two clashing points of view in my head right now. Normally i always go by the "don't mess with people in relationships" one. However the other "Don't be a pushover and go for it!" is appealing to me. Don't know why! Usually i'm not deviant like this. But it's better to ask for help/guidance than to pretend like i'm some saint and end up going through with it right?
CptObvious Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Do you want her badly enough? Do you want to win this or not? **** morals. You're allowed to do whatever you can to win. There is no right or wrong in this game. You can choose to follow arbitrary rules of "honor" that others live by or you can choose to get laid. Scoreboard, folks. Every girl is just another point. Nobody cares how you got it.
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Is it right or wrong? It all depends on who you ask. One of my friends that I have known for many, many years has cheated on his (then) girlfriend/(now) wife more times than I can remember. Another one of my good friends has his now wife because he stole her while she was in a serious relationship with another man. Do I still talk to them? Yes. But I would strongly prefer that my own wife/GF would never pursue a man who was taken. I never have. I think that is the answer to your question. If you would be OK marrying someone who would do that, then it's OK for you to do it.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 You wouldn't want it done to you so why do it someone else's bf?
Pyro Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 As the thread title explains, do you think it's okay to hit on someone who's in a relationship? I've recently been getting into collecting old vinyl records and have been frequently visiting this little college town shop that specializes in such. In my first visit I met this pretty chill guy who was a Co-Owner and got me a great deal on some loudspeakers and a turntable. He even went out his way to help me look for this obscure LP amongst their thousands of records. He was certainly the kind of guy I'd hang with. On my most recent visits, I've noticed a cute girl working the shop by herself. The first time I saw her, I called her over to ask if they had anymore Dark Side of The Moon, though really It was more of an excuse to talk to her. As she explained that their only copy was on hold, I kept enthusiastically smiling (couldn't help myself) and when she noticed she smiled back, but not just in a polite way, but more so a curious/interested one. As she was checking my items out I began to flirt a bit as she struggled to fit the records into their tiny store bags. Once she finally managed, I said bye and gave another smile, which she returned again. This time she was blushing. After I left, I found myself thinking of her more than the new records I'd gotten. Couple of days later I had a copy of Purple Rain put on hold and went to pick it up. Sure enough, she was there at the counter again. We chatted for a bit about the album ("She likes Prince" I told myself. "She's a keeper!") And then I started asking her some more personnel questions, like how long had she worked there, if she was a student, etc. She told me she wasn't a student, and didn't even work at the store, but was volunteering to help out her boyfriend. The Store Co-Owner! I've felt pretty conflicted about it all since. I know I'll be going back to the store for more records and she'll be there. But I don't know if its right to flirt with someone who's in a relationship. Her BF was a cool guy and he helped me out before. But at the same time, if I never try, how will I know if I ever had a chance? Anybody here on LS been in a similar situation? Any advice is appreciated. Ask yourself if you would be OK with guys flirting with your GF knowing that she is with you. 1
rocketman122 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 I can tell you this. if you flirted with my GF knowing she was with me, I would find you and bring you a lot of pain. be aware that many guys would not take it litely. youre crossing a very sensitive line here. control your snake and look elsewhere. im not worried about competition, as you are not any. you can be certain you would not get far but the fact that you knew she was with me and you still tried would be the problem. get your values straight and find someone who isnt in a relationship. I hope youre a smart person and come to realize this wrong. just hope it doesnt happen to you. 1
Eggplant Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 He has not put a ring on her finger. If they were married or engaged or in a marriage-like relationship, flirting would be absolutely out of the question. If they are just boyfriend and girlfriend, however, I think you can perhaps hint to the girl, one time, that you would be interested if she were ever to become available again. Nothing more.
rocketman122 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 He has not put a ring on her finger. If they were married or engaged or in a marriage-like relationship, flirting would be absolutely out of the question. If they are just boyfriend and girlfriend, however, I think you can perhaps hint to the girl, one time, that you would be interested if she were ever to become available again. Nothing more. and how would you feel that it so happened that another girl flirted with your BF knowing you were with him. and she wanted him. I know youre single, and dont forget, its VERY easy to get a guy to go there. many guys would have no problem getting free lunch. be careful what you say. it will come back and smack you in the face,
Eggplant Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 I would never flirt with another girl's boyfriend, certainly. So, you're right, I would be irritated. But if my boyfriend met another woman, liked her, wanted to pursue her, and broke up with me to be with her, I would be losing him fair and square to the other girl, wouldn't I? He's only my boyfriend and at any time he may break up with me for whatever reason...
Leigh 87 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Sometimes you have to over power your urges with your integrity. You just don't do certain things in life; flirting with other peoples partners is one of them. Even if a girl your totally crazy about comes onto you hard, and she has a boyfriend that really likes or loves her; YOU JUST WALK AWAY. If being the best person you can be, matters more to you than giving into your desire to flirt with a taken women, go ahead. For me personally, I feel happier in my life in general, if I do not respond to people who flirt with me, when they are in relationships... It may feel harder at the time, to ignore a person you are into and want to flirt with, but trust me; in general, you will feel better about yourself if you refrain from wrongful behaviour. Please leave people alone when they are already in relationships.... Because it is the right thing to do. 2
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Poaching isn't fair. Of course, honor and morality are dead. Just look at the results. The guy who willingly screwed my ex. Knowing she was with me. I wonder if he enjoyed the results of hi actions? Cause I recall him running like the pussy he was. Poaching, simple as that. Wanting what isn't yours.
Leigh 87 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 If a person flirts excessively and cheats when they are in a relationship, they are sh*tty people, and you DO NOT WANT them anyways.... Decent people leave their partners if they feel the need to cheat and flirt a lot. Decent people know they their partners deserve to find someone who is crazy about about them to not want to cheat or flirt heaps.... Flirting is okay in moderation, if it is harmless, but it is not okay when it is with a person you know you will develop feelings for... Apparently common sense and respecting people your in a relationship with is not something many people have these days.... 1
Eggplant Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Poaching isn't fair. Of course, honor and morality are dead. Just look at the results. The guy who willingly screwed my ex. Knowing she was with me. I wonder if he enjoyed the results of hi actions? Cause I recall him running like the pussy he was. Poaching, simple as that. Wanting what isn't yours. I'm confused. The OP wasn't talking about screwing anybody's girlfriend. He was talking about smiling at her, I believe. Basically, bf/gf relationships are basically like being married, I see.
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 If a person flirts excessively and cheats when they are in a relationship, they are sh*tty people, and you DO NOT WANT them anyways.... Decent people leave their partners if they feel the need to cheat and flirt a lot. Decent people know they their partners deserve to find someone who is crazy about about them to not want to cheat or flirt heaps.... Flirting is okay in moderation, if it is harmless, but it is not okay when it is with a person you know you will develop feelings for... Apparently common sense and respecting people your in a relationship with is not something many people have these days.... Foolish people. They think the world will keep spinning, but one day...
Eggplant Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Anything more than a smile is crossing the line.
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 I'm confused. The OP wasn't talking about screwing anybody's girlfriend. He was talking about smiling at her, I believe. Basically, bf/gf relationships are basically like being married, I see. Of course he wasn't talking about screwing around. I related a sgory of someone who was a heacy flirter which resulted in screwinv around. Yeah, you can say that. You swear to be with one person, in a committed relationship. Not do disrespectful crap behind their back. Evenso, flirting isn't something totally avoidable. Guilt is when it's done intentionally. 1
Author PrinceAli94 Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 Thanks for all the insightful replies everyone, took them all into account. Guess the overriding sense of immaturity on my part has lead to my decision to not go and do it. Just seems too much like a cowardly underhand tactic, and that's just not me. Suppose I should chalk this all up to a momentary lapse in moral value on my part... what can I say. Looks like I need to find a new record store @.@ 1
Author PrinceAli94 Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 I'm confused. The OP wasn't talking about screwing anybody's girlfriend. He was talking about smiling at her, I believe. Basically, bf/gf relationships are basically like being married, I see. Thank you. I never said anything about sex, and didn't even think about that in regards to the record shop girl until somebody mentioned me needing to "control my snake".
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Thank you. I never said anything about sex, and didn't even think about that in regards to the record shop girl until somebody mentioned me needing to "control my snake". Guys, don't twist the meaning of what I was saying. As if I were accussing the op of that. it was a warning of what out of control flirting can build up too, if emotions are there. I'd say im amazed but meh.
Author PrinceAli94 Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 Guys, don't twist the meaning of what I was saying. As if I were accussing the op of that. it was a warning of what out of control flirting can build up too, if emotions are there. I'd say im amazed but meh. Ah sorry. Hadn't read your post clarifying the story you told. Thanks for your advice.
Leigh 87 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Thanks for all the insightful replies everyone, took them all into account. Guess the overriding sense of immaturity on my part has lead to my decision to not go and do it. Just seems too much like a cowardly underhand tactic, and that's just not me. Suppose I should chalk this all up to a momentary lapse in moral value on my part... what can I say. Looks like I need to find a new record store @.@ You have done the right thing! You have come and talked about it with other people; we are people from all walks of life, from all cultures.. We have all told you what is right and what is wrong. I have listened to us, and have decided to take our advice. I am GLAD you want to better yourself; had you not come and talked about it, you may have let your selfish desires come before doing the right thing. It is so easy to just flirt and let fun happen naturally with a girl you like, and who seams to like you back.. it does not make you a BAD person, but it makes you a BETTER person if you refrain from such behaviour as flirting with people that have boyfriends..........
harnold Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 I'm truly surprised by the responses in this thread. What's the big deal? I don't think it matters. Why not? Doesn't mean she'll **** you. And if she does, that's just as much on her as it is on you. Who's to say if she ****ed you she wouldn't have ****ed someone else too? I'd say its more of a reflection on her than anything else. And to all the other people in this thread saying "you wouldn't like it if it was your girlfriend". People, come on. Girls get hit on all the time. If not by him, than by someone else. The trick is finding a girl that secure enough with herself that she won't pass herself around at the slightest hint of flirtation. You can't live your life walking around with your girl in shackles giving the evil eye to every guy that looks at your girl. You might as well just put her in a bearhug and scream "MINE MINE MINE" every time a male walks by In my book, it's not a big deal. Again, the choice she makes of whether she wants to act out on it says more about her strength of character than it does yours.
Pyro Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Thanks for all the insightful replies everyone, took them all into account. Guess the overriding sense of immaturity on my part has lead to my decision to not go and do it. Just seems too much like a cowardly underhand tactic, and that's just not me. Suppose I should chalk this all up to a momentary lapse in moral value on my part... what can I say. Looks like I need to find a new record store @.@ You can avoid having to change record stores. You could treat her like a normal person and just engage in normal conversation with her. Every interaction with the opposite sex doesn't have to be flirtatious.
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