sillyanswer Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Summary: I've barely started dating this girl and she already wants to move in. Longer version: So I've been seeing this girl for a couple of months. Met on a dating site and first date just before Christmas. We had the "what are you looking for?" talk on the second date (early January) and she was very non-specific other than wanting to be happy. So, I figured this was just casual dating... see how it goes etc. All good so far. Jump to this week... we're still dating, maybe 2 or 3 dates a week now. At the weekend when I left her house to go back to mine she knew (but "forgot") that my phone battery was flat... and I didn't go directly home (which she didn't know in advance). So when I get home and plug my phone in there's voicemail and text messages (plural) in which she's concerned about whether I got home safely, where am I etc. I'm thinking "ok girl, I'm a grown man... I can find my way home during daylight all by myself" but I call her and she's all worried that something might've happened to me. (!) So I reassure her that I'm fine, and that she doesn't need to check up on me. My "something weird happened but I'm not sure what" alarm went off about here. A mid-week date this week, and all seems just fine. Then she's laughing at my joke (or just at me.... I have no idea) and tells me, apparently in response to something unrelated that made her laugh, that she loves me. That's the first time she's said this and frankly I'm surprised. An hour or so later she wants to move in with me. I change the subject but she brings it up again soon after and points out that she spotted that I changed the subject. So I tell her that it's all a bit soon, far too soon, to be talking of moving in together. My "something weird happened" alarm is off the scale at this point. I've lived with people before, but there's no way me and this girl are ready to live together. I don't even think we're in a relationship (but I'm now wondering if she thinks very differently about that). I'm sure I had a question when I started this, but I'm not sure what it was. Something about moving too quickly I think.
TaraMaiden Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Are you sure she's taking birth control....? Just asking........ 1
Author sillyanswer Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Are you sure she's taking birth control....? Just asking........ I'm pretty sure she isn't, and I forgot to put tabasco into the used condoms (or whatever waynebrady's twin was suggesting in another thread)
TaraMaiden Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Seriously... she sounds like a psycho-in-waiting...... If you have alarm bells clanging in your head - listen to them. We have instincts for a reason.
Author sillyanswer Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 You've reminded me what my question was now... "is she a psycho?" ps, i like your new avatar.
Eggplant Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 She's swept away in emotions. You need to get there at your own pace, if it is to be. My ex wanted to move in together after 6 months. It's hard to tell somebody to back down without hurting his or her ego. So just be assertive and reassure her that you like her, you just need time. I agree with Tara Maiden that this eagerness may be a red flag. It may show impulsiveness... but then a lot of people do move in right away, abd each person has his/her own pace. General rule of thumb: the guy should say ILY first, to avoid this very situation. (general not always)
Author sillyanswer Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 It's hard to tell somebody to back down without hurting his or her ego. So just be assertive and reassure her that you like her, you just need time. Yeah, that might work if she brings it up again. General rule of thumb: the guy should say ILY first, to avoid this very situation. (general not always) I never understood this... if someone says it too soon for the other person then surely it's a problem either way round?
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