picstr Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Hey all, I was on here years ago and unfortunately I'm back Its long, so move on if you're not a reader Tomorrow I'll be going to my first therapy session. Here is why. Very low relationship self esteem. I over think everything. If I have a minute to think that's all I need to destroy something. I have a problem accepting love/kindness. Needy. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Hell yes I'm a beta. Nope, not super alone, have had a fairly good dating run the past 4 months so getting dates really isn't the problem, although choosing the right woman might be Yep I have way more good traits but I'm not talking about them right now. I guess I may be looking for some validation as to why this is a good thing. This will probably sound nuts but hey, it ain't easy being me. Let me first say that any and all of my feelings were reciprocated, many times doubled as they returned. Met her on an online dating site. She's 45(I'm 49) divorced for 6 years, 3 boys, one with special needs, and absolutely no job, she's living off of alimony and child support(she was married to a popular dentist). Also in debt due to mismanaging some property she won in the divorce. I noticed she lived close to my parents so just shot a friendly "it's a small world eh?" type email. She responded and there it began, I had never had so much fun emailing a woman before, we just clicked, she was funny, witty, smart, thoughtful, and according to her profile pic very attractive. There needs to be a new definition because we totally blew "whirlwind romance" out of the water. We knew there was something just thru email. After 5 days of emailing I decided I wasn't good enough for her, and tried to disconnect, she didn't really buy it. So we ended up meeting and it was the best date of our lives. The next day she took me to meet her parents.(<Inorite?)She then came over to my place and it was an amazing time, when she left I was just so overcome with emotion, it had been awhile since someone had treated me as I wanted to be treated,(my ex didn't even come close) it was absolute bliss. Week 2 we had a bit of a communication issue that led me to the conclusion that things were going way to fast for me, so I told her I wanted to slow down, she said if I did she would end things as she didn't want to. Week 3: She told me she had valentines day open(hint,hint-my worst move ever) I decided it was a bit to late to get reservations at a nice place so I decided we'd just wait in line at Olive Garden. For some reason the fact that I didn't want to wait bugged her. Worst valantines day evar! Valentines day: Sent her one of my flowery emails and set off to work, she was meeting her best friend around noon and I was to meet her at Olive Garden at 4:30pm. At 4pm as I'm just out of the shower I noticed 3 missed calls and a text that reads, "I decided to come to you, it will be easier this way." What exactly did her and her best friend talk about? hmmmmmmmm? So I'm thinking, OOOOOKay. Not sure whats going on at this point. Upon opening the door I knew something was up, she didn't have that sparkle in her beautiful browns, nor did she have that sun bright smile that I loved so much. I thought, "This is gonna hurt." She was majorly pissed about something. I had a dozen roses on the counter and she said she loved them, I said, "It was a bit short notice, so they are not as fresh as they should be." She said, "why do you always have to qualify everything!?" We got in the car and she started telling me why she's pissed, apparently her Dad moaned and whined about everything(waiting to eat connection) so she pretty much took that baggage and threw it in my lap. I said, "I'm sorry I couldn't afford a fancy place at such short notice." She said, wait..... no she yelled, "Don't you ever say that to me again!" I then said, "I'm feeling some real bad vibes here, do you really want to do this?" No was her answer. I said, "I was having a pretty great day until about 10 freaking minutes ago." Then she started crying. We went to Mcd's to talk and she started crying. Decided to go to Applebees, she sat there unable to look me in the eye, so we had an appetizer and left for my place. Once at my place I told her I felt like I'm walking on eggshells with her, afraid to say the wrong thing.(more crying by her) She said, "if that's the way you feel then I'm out of here." I said, "are you ending this?" She said she didn't know. We had planned to hang out Saturday so I texted her that I still wanted to see her, she said she wanted to, but as friends, I thought, "great, here it comes." We had a blast, no hand holding, no contact, nothing, eye contact was great, we still had that connection, so I felt pretty comfortable. Once back at my place I kinda re-enforced her idea that we just weren't compatible(I have no idea why I did this). I then said are you ending this? She said yes. That night she texted me to see how I was doing. 2 days later she texted again wondering how I'm doing, I was surprised to hear from her, and said, "so I take it you want to be friends?" She said yes. I said it might take awhile as I have still have feelings for her. She said the same. The next day she texted me about her lawnmower, then asked if she could call me to ask questions about it, at the end of the call she said, "you're a really great guy", I had just been friend zoned,LOL. While I knew it, I didn't really need to be reminded like a slap in the face with sandpaper,lol. I thought fine she wants to be friends, I then asked her to the movies the following day, after the movie, went to starbucks to talk, she explained how she is just to sensitive to be able to handle our relationship, while crying the whole time(45 min). I told her I didn't believe anything is un-fixable, I told her the more we got to really know each other the better off we'd be, she thought if its like this now it'll be like this in the future. We went to my car and ended up kissing passionately, she said her feelings for me were unchanged she just couldn't deal with the conflict. My brain still can't comprehend this. How could something so good end up so bad? BTW within a week of our first date we were talking about marriage and whose house we would move into........no....I'm serious. 2 days later of almost no texting I decide I like her to much to be a true friend as I'll always hold out hope that we could try again. A day later she texts me that the temptation to text me is to great for her and that she is deleting my number. 2 days later(Sunday) I call her, telling her I don't want to disconnect entirely, she then says she doesn't know what to think at this point, and thinks that she isn't even sure she wants to even be friends. She asked, "why do you seem to think this is easy for me?" I am now in NC, and have deleted everything. The pain is substantial. What a difference 2 weeks make, huh? 2 weeks ago today? Bliss. Now.........heartbreak. Yep, I was having to much fun in bliss land to notice the flags,(trust me I know I was throwing flags up left and right as well). K, lets see what I've learned. She nor I am ready for any relationship at this point. We were both needy and starved for affection, a real bad combo. It moved way to fast to have any merit as being a real relationship. We both fell to hard and to fast. She is manipulative. She is an over thinker. She is very critical. She is very thin skinned. She has much baggage. She has no job and really no marketable job skill. She cannot let the past be the past. I still think it would have been repairable, but I showed way to many weaknesses. But whether I was stronger or not she would have probably broke it off anyway. So.........this is a good thing right? Picstr
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