Moon_Child Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Hello! Hoping someone here could help me with what im currently going through as im feeling rather confused and a little upset about it all I started dating a mutual friend and a few weeks later he asked me if I would be happy for him to call me his girlfriend... I asked if it was too soon and he said no and explained why... it all made sense to me and I really did feel the same about him so I went for it. It all seemed a tad rushed and a bit soon but I was spending a lot of time with him, and all his mates too so I felt like it was normal for things to progress at this rate as we was always together... Its only been about 2-3 weeks since then and the lack of sex was concerning me, as he really seemed to go out of his way to avoid having it, after a discussion he said he was holding back on having a lot of sex because he wanted to take things slow... that he didn't know "us" that well yet and that he cant stop himself from being really paranoid and worrying about stuff and wasn't very sure about us... I don't understand why he was so hesitant on starting a relationship with me if he was so unsure about me, us and what he wanted. He told me he was worried he would never be able to open up to me due to his past and is worried he wouldn't be able to always control his rage... I asked him if i should back away and stop seeing him so much and he said not to do that at all... He has also asked me to come over tomorrow and Sunday too! or whenever i felt like it he just wanted me to surprise him and turn up!!!! And also keeps insisting i attend weddings with him and go out with him every time hes meeting his friends... Im really not sure what im supposed to be doing here! How do I let him take things slow with me if hes always expecting me to be over his? I end up just sitting there and feeling very unwanted from him when he shows me no physical attention Hope this has all made some sense and someone can help me out with this! Thank you for reading
TaraMaiden Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Wait.... what...?! You're more worried about this - he was holding back on having a lot of sex because he wanted to take things slow... Than - this - ?!? ......and is worried he wouldn't be able to always control his rage... I personally think you need to re-prioritise.....
Author Moon_Child Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 His mother passed away not too long ago and during the same time his relationship broke down with his ex and well he went through a really bad time and has some anger about it all... I didnt mean the type of rage where he would hit me... Just angry at the world type...
TaraMaiden Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 That's still a much worse red flag than the other. I think 'the other' is respectful, cautious and quite justified. It's also rare, you should be grateful. The rage? Has he had counselling/therapy? Is he still going? If this is an issue for him, you should respect that, and accept that it concerns him.... And if it concerns him enough for him to pull back - then you should certainly be wary.
Author Moon_Child Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 I guess im just worried that his holding me back will only make me want him more spesh if im always expected to be around his. He said he did have counseling once, im not sure if it was after this and I dont think hes currently going either. I do respect it, its just confusing when hes always wanting me but then pushing me away.
TaraMaiden Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 He sounds like a whole sack of baggage and issues. I don't honestly think it's wise for him to consider being in a relationship right now. He has wounds which need to heal - both due to his mother's death, and his break-up with his ex.... You're not there to be his lean-on.... You need to be in a healthy solid relationship - and this isn't it.
Author Moon_Child Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Its hard I do really like him a lot and i really do want this to work out...
TaraMaiden Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Well, it doesn't matter how much you like him - it's not working, because you're not communicating effectively, and you want different things. Don't 'settle' for this. It's too much work, and it will end up choking you.
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