Tahoe996 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Okay ill try and keep it quick and sorry for the punctuation but I'm on my phone. And may not come off great but ill try. I posted a while back about my situation but in continuing. I am the other M and I have been seeing a MW for about 8 months. To cut to the chase her H suprised her and his brother with a trip To the Bahamas about 2 months ago. After I found out I told her that I couldn't continue this anymore if she went. She said that she understood and we called it quits. Few days later she emails me saying that she felt it was the wrong choice in letting me go, so like a idiot I fell back into her words and believed her. The trip she knew really was killing me and for the last few weeks she told me she didn't want to go and planned on telling him this. She has also been telling me that she didn't want to be with him anymore and one day about two weeks ago she did tell him that she wanted a divorce. I'd talk more about that but I have serious doubts she really even did tell him that now. I thought things were started to become more serious and I was feeling better. BUT then last Friday comes and she says to me in an email, long story short that she felt backed into a corner and he told her that she could have her own room and that him and his brother would stay in a room together. (Yeah right!) kinda pisses me off that she thinks I am this stupid! Well we talked through email and on the phone throughout the day saying she still didn't want to go, and so forth. She cried all day saying she didn't want to lose me and I said you don't have to if you don't go. Another long conversation on the phone and it was hard understanding everything she said cause she was crying so much but it was basically more of the same crap, I love you, I can't stand the thought of being without you, why am I so weak that I can't stand up to him and say no? I know I'm making a mistake and all that kind of stuff. In ending she sent me a text at around 5am saying that she knows her decision was the wrong one, she feels sad because she will miss knowing what it felt like to feel loved and appreciated and the decision she made is one she is certain will be one she already regrets. I don't know maybe everything she said is true in that she is that weak? Maybe she wants her cake, for whatever reason I know that I need to get passed this and I'm trying. I have deleted all contact info, deleted old emails, packed her stuff she gave me, deleted her off FB and I was thinking forced NC would be good, but I've been sitting here wondering what is going to happen come Monday when she gets an attempt at contacting me, is she going to grovel and beg at getting me back? Or will she accept her choices and will not contact me? In a final email to her I asked her not to contact me but she still sent me that 5am text. I am trying to get myself up for just not caring if she contacts me or not but it's hard! Any suggestions or help would be much appreciated! Thank you for any help!
Pierre Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Where is your self respect? She is playing you. Why do you allow that? 3
Author Tahoe996 Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Yeah your right, not sure why I bought into believing her either, I'm strong in every other aspect of my life and a very confidant person. I know that I can get through it but I'm just looking for that proverbial light to switch on I guess.
RickFox Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 "I might be making the biggest mistake of my life letting you go." That's what my xmw said to me and so easily slammed the proverbial door in my face. Ahh yes, that's true love, what she's doing to you ...NOT! You want that switch to kick on, it will, give it time, but it will be delayed each time you fall for her lines that hook you in. If you love something that much, let it go, but in this case, she won't return. Just recognize what you had, and what it truly was to her (just some 'strange) and begin to move forward. You want easy answers on how to heal, it ain't easy, it takes along time, but the first step is cutting it all off or you will be back at messed up square #1. BTW, she's not weak, she just doesn't want to lose her H, her lifestyle, you're not good enough to take his place, only good enough to fill that hole when she wants you. Bottom line, you're expendable. 1
whichwayisup Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Remember it's ALL about her and her needs, what she wants. Notice too, you asked for NC and she ignored that, still texted you, not caring one bit what it is doing to you? This woman is desperate and acting out, crying and all because she doesn't want to lose out on what she got used to - Two men meeting her needs! Good for you for ending it. Be strong and do all that you can do make it impossible for her to contact you. She is not leaving and divorcing her husband and yes, I doubt very much she even said a word to him about a possible D, let alone her not wanting to go on the trip. Separate bedrooms??? Yeah right, she must think you're stupid to believe that one. That's quite a bullshi.t line she gave you! IF I were you, I'd be laughing in her face saying "are you frucken serious? You actually think I believe you and your H will not share a room??!! You will have your own and he will share with his brother??!!" WTF is that. LIE LIE LIE. She's good at that to keep you where she wants you.
FightClub Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Food for thought... exMW broke No Contact one time two years ago and one of the famous lines in the e-mail was ' I don't want to live without teling you my heart everyday.' Wait, doesn't her heart belong with the one she shared vows with? A person of the opposite sex, who she shares a family with? What's the name of that kind of a person again? Oh! That's right, her husband! As everyone else has said, let this go, move on and use this experience as a frame of reference for the future; Love yourself more and find a wonderful, single woman! -FC
Author Tahoe996 Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 Thanks for the comments, I'm doing better I think, kinda a two steps forward one back right now, I'm getting stronger and seeing things more clear I think, I fell for her and her stupid lines. And as tough as it is right now at times, I think I have it pretty well figured out. If she was really weak, well then that's too bad, I do not want or desire having a weak person in my life anyway. If she regrets leaving well that is unfortunate and maybe it's a lesson learned for her and she can move forward with her life as I have to with mine. It's sad to me how there are these kinda of people out there that do this kind of thing to other people, I understand if your young but she is 38! Thing I'm really hating right now is that she knows everything about me, yet I feel as if I never really knew nothing about her. She will be back on Monday and I'm just trying my best to prepare for what happens. A part of me is still afraid of giving in, I'm getting stronger and I am really hoping to not hear from her at all, but I am just getting this feeling that she is going to try and contact me again. It's hard preparing for what she is going to say though. I guess what I'm trying to do is get to that point where I could really give a ****.
RickFox Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Uhh, 38 ain't old bud..... 39 here and getting better every day! You want to reach the point of not caring, understand it doesn't happen overnight, nor in a few months, but the better you are at fighting off your weakness and caving in to her, the stronger you will become and get to the point of saying go F your self should she attempt another come back. There are many of us here, male and female, who fell for the lines, use it and learn from it.
Author Tahoe996 Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 Remember it's ALL about her and her needs, what she wants. Notice too, you asked for NC and she ignored that, still texted you, not caring one bit what it is doing to you? This woman is desperate and acting out, crying and all because she doesn't want to lose out on what she got used to - Two men meeting her needs! Good for you for ending it. Be strong and do all that you can do make it impossible for her to contact you. She is not leaving and divorcing her husband and yes, I doubt very much she even said a word to him about a possible D, let alone her not wanting to go on the trip. Separate bedrooms??? Yeah right, she must think you're stupid to believe that one. That's quite a bullshi.t line she gave you! IF I were you, I'd be laughing in her face saying "are you frucken serious? You actually think I believe you and your H will not share a room??!! You will have your own and he will share with his brother??!!" WTF is that. LIE LIE LIE. She's good at that to keep you where she wants you. Thank you! I never really thought of that being the reason why she's crying all the time. She's not wanting to lose what she has going. Makes perfect sense! Yeah I did also ask for NC and she blew that one off! I did say in a response to that text "yeah you did lose something special, next time you do this to someone, make sure you don't get their heart involved cause that's a f'd up thing to do to someone" I also said "umm you've used these lines on me before" maybe she will get it and leave me alone.
Author Tahoe996 Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 Uhh, 38 ain't old bud..... 39 here and getting better every day! You want to reach the point of not caring, understand it doesn't happen overnight, nor in a few months, but the better you are at fighting off your weakness and caving in to her, the stronger you will become and get to the point of saying go F your self should she attempt another come back. There are many of us here, male and female, who fell for the lines, use it and learn from it. Haha! Yeah I meant at her age she would know better! Guess not in her case! I think of I can just get to that point of showing her I don't care. I may not mean it but at least show that to her. God those lines she gave me are hard not to think about but the more I do, the more pissed off it makes me. I mean damn! She led me to believe in her all the way till the plane landed lol!
spice4life Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the comments, I'm doing better I think, kinda a two steps forward one back right now, I'm getting stronger and seeing things more clear I think, I fell for her and her stupid lines. And as tough as it is right now at times, I think I have it pretty well figured out. If she was really weak, well then that's too bad, I do not want or desire having a weak person in my life anyway. If she regrets leaving well that is unfortunate and maybe it's a lesson learned for her and she can move forward with her life as I have to with mine. It's sad to me how there are these kinda of people out there that do this kind of thing to other people, I understand if your young but she is 38! Thing I'm really hating right now is that she knows everything about me, yet I feel as if I never really knew nothing about her. She will be back on Monday and I'm just trying my best to prepare for what happens. A part of me is still afraid of giving in, I'm getting stronger and I am really hoping to not hear from her at all, but I am just getting this feeling that she is going to try and contact me again. It's hard preparing for what she is going to say though. I guess what I'm trying to do is get to that point where I could really give a ****. The bolded part above is such a classic part of an affair! Read that over and over again because you know what it truly means?...they ain't leaving, never will and never intended to in the first place. I knew this because mine was at least honest about not leaving, but it was the same...he knew everything about me and I knew nothing (except surface work and kid activity stuff) about him. The bolded part should be burned into single OW/OM's brains as the one sign that can cut through all of the future faking bullsh*t directly to the truth. If that is what is happening in your affair and you were hoping for more then it's time to close the door and move on. Keep that in mind from this point forward Tahoe. It should help stay NC. Edited March 1, 2013 by spice4life
2sure Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 It is very very important to her to have her marriage and you.
Author Tahoe996 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Yeah, I think that is the part that is setting in now is more anger than anything else, a few weeks ago I was like leave and go on your trip. I'm doing you more harm than good. That's when the whole I don't want to lose you thing started up. Funny thing is I would have been okay with being just friends with her at some point. Instead she decides to drag this out a few more weeks telling me this and that to keep me around for just a few more weeks? It would have been so much easier to walk away then. I was ready for it then but she continues to tell me her lines just to keep me around for a few more weeks?!?! This is why I'm so awaiting to see what kind of line she is going to feed me when she comes back. Maybe she will not talk to me at all though, that's where I'm afraid my weakness will come in. Because well I am curious if she will contact me now. This week has been hell as I first thought I made a mistake in telling her if you go then I'm gone, to sadness to feeling lied to to more or less feeling anger. I just hope I can avoid the sadness part from here out. I may be able to cause I look at it as I didn't talk to her on weekends anyways. And the weekend is almost here. Monday scares me though.
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