Author LostGirl11 Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 You are pretending to be unphased. You say you are not affected, yet you write up a thread titled, "Made to feel guilty again." Then you go on to say that you now feel sad that he is lonely and misses you. And now you feel guilty. Then we tell you to block, but you say you don't need to because you are not affected. But you are affected because you just wrote a thread about how you are being affected. Yes, I see your point. The text did affect me a little, but no where near as much as they used to, and not in the same way...was more of a 'meh' moment than a 'crying, missing, over thinking moment'
Simon Phoenix Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Serious question -- why the aversion to blocking? 1
cavalier99 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 So when are you going to block him? Can you do it it right now? Do you want to heal or not? What did you decide? If you cant block him (which isn't hard) there is nothing anyone can say. Don't you think you've strung your self along enough? The truth hurts doesn't it? Cav
Author LostGirl11 Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 Serious question -- why the aversion to blocking? Because they're arent setting me back and I have a crap phone, I can't block. It's just a simple phone, doesn't have apps ect.
destroyed4sho Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Yes, I see your point. The text did affect me a little, but no where near as much as they used to, and not in the same way...was more of a 'meh' moment than a 'crying, missing, over thinking moment' Sometimes my emotional responses confuse me. So like when i first say the vday breadcrumb my ex threw on me...i was numb, like mehh whatevr, then shock, then a few days later depression and anger. But it wasny as intense as i thought it would be if she contacted me again. I actually thought id be excited and that i wouldnt be able to control myself from messaging her back. I dont trust mu emotions anymore its like they are unpredictable right now. Also, another example was when my fav uncle died during the summer. My ex was dumping me at the time and lots of problems. I always imagined that when he died i would be a mess but since this whole thing was happening with ex i just cried once and in 2 days i wasnt really dwelling on his death. I loved him sooo much. I feel guilty about it too.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Because they're arent setting me back and I have a crap phone, I can't block. It's just a simple phone, doesn't have apps ect. Isn't that something you would do through your phone company? If so, why would the type of phone you have matter? If not, then disregard. And I don't buy that they aren't setting you back, though I will agree that they aren't setting you back as much as they did before.
Author LostGirl11 Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 (edited) Isn't that something you would do through your phone company? If so, why would the type of phone you have matter? If not, then disregard. And I don't buy that they aren't setting you back, though I will agree that they aren't setting you back as much as they did before. No, I've asked my phone company to block a number in the past and they said they're not able to. And I don't have an android phone to download a blocking app, and there isn't an option to do it through my phones settings. Edited February 28, 2013 by LostGirl11
Author LostGirl11 Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 (edited) So when are you going to block him? Can you do it it right now? Do you want to heal or not? What did you decide? If you cant block him (which isn't hard) there is nothing anyone can say. Don't you think you've strung your self along enough? The truth hurts doesn't it? Cav If you read the whole thread then you would have seen the reasons. I'm not stringing myself along. And what truth? Did you just see this thread and think 'Oh she seems a bit upset, think I'll join in' Edited February 28, 2013 by LostGirl11
cavalier99 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 If you read the whole thread then you would have seen the reasons. I'm not stringing myself along. And what truth? Did you just see this thread and think 'Oh she seems a bit upset, think I'll join in' Hmm maybe your right. I did read the thread. I don't know Lost. I really want you to get better. Here is the thing and your not going to like it. When i see you posts even before i read them i tend to feel, here is someone who can do great and recover but isn't doing the work. Why is that? Is it the tone of your prior posts? Is it you fighting some simpke advise. Im not sure? Im sorry. I want you to get better. Maybe it is time for a gut check. I dont mean to pile on..but if i did ....there might be something to it? I hope you do well. Do anything and Everything in your power to get on with your life..i just don't sense it yet. Im sorry. I'm sorry your hurting. Cav
Author LostGirl11 Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 Hmm maybe your right. I did read the thread. I don't know Lost. I really want you to get better. Here is the thing and your not going to like it. When i see you posts even before i read them i tend to feel, here is someone who can do great and recover but isn't doing the work. Why is that? Is it the tone of your prior posts? Is it you fighting some simpke advise. Im not sure? Im sorry. I want you to get better. Maybe it is time for a gut check. I dont mean to pile on..but if i did ....there might be something to it? I hope you do well. Do anything and Everything in your power to get on with your life..i just don't sense it yet. Im sorry. I'm sorry your hurting. Cav Guess you didn't read this either: I don't dwell anymore (This is a massive thing for me) I've accepted that the relationship was toxic and that he treated me poorly, I'm not holding on to hope, I'm eating well, sleeping well, I've joined a yoga and zumba class, I'm finding joy in little things again, I don't read into his bread crumbs anymore, yesterday was just a blip. So I'm not doing the work? Not even trying, no? And I've taken heaps of advice actually, loads from geegirl.
Minneloa Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 No, I've asked my phone company to block a number in the past and they said they're not able to. And I don't have an android phone to download a blocking app, and there isn't an option to do it through my phones settings. If you can't actually block his number, you can send him a text that says his number is blocked (tip courtesy of Tara Maiden). I don't think anyone on this thread is denying that you've made progress. Rather, I think folks here believe that blocking (or faux-blocking) his number would be an additional empowering step for you to take.
cavalier99 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Guess you didn't read this either: I don't dwell anymore (This is a massive thing for me) I've accepted that the relationship was toxic and that he treated me poorly, I'm not holding on to hope, I'm eating well, sleeping well, I've joined a yoga and zumba class, I'm finding joy in little things again, I don't read into his bread crumbs anymore, yesterday was just a blip. So I'm not doing the work? Not even trying, no? And I've taken heaps of advice actually, loads from geegirl. Ok im sorry my bad. I did read it. Glad you truly feel better. Maybe i was unnecessarily harsh. Cav
Author LostGirl11 Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 Ok im sorry my bad. I did read it. Glad you truly feel better. Maybe i was unnecessarily harsh. Cav I don't feel better, just better than what I did. No worries.
McDonald Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Hey lost. I understand where you are coming from. Like you, I have accepted that the relationship is over. Yet, I have not blocked her number... Though she doesn't message me. I do agree with everyone though in terms of blocking it. Because I do get these feelings of texting her, because not blocking her number keeps a door open. I know blocking it will fully get rid of it.. Or just deleting her number... But I can admit that I am not there yet. one of many things I have learned from this whole breakup is dont lie to yourself about your progress. Accept where you are in terms of the healing process. For me, If I say "that text didnt hurt me, there was no feelings.." Then I'm only suppressing my true emotions an will end up getting hurt down the road.
Author LostGirl11 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Hey lost. I understand where you are coming from. Like you, I have accepted that the relationship is over. Yet, I have not blocked her number... Though she doesn't message me. I do agree with everyone though in terms of blocking it. Because I do get these feelings of texting her, because not blocking her number keeps a door open. I know blocking it will fully get rid of it.. Or just deleting her number... But I can admit that I am not there yet. one of many things I have learned from this whole breakup is dont lie to yourself about your progress. Accept where you are in terms of the healing process. For me, If I say "that text didnt hurt me, there was no feelings.." Then I'm only suppressing my true emotions an will end up getting hurt down the road. I'm not lieing to myself. I'm not over it, I still have a long way to go but I am trying. 1
iouaname Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 The only person who can judge her progress is her. She is the only one who knows and feels the change in her. As has been said many times and is actually said in the no contact guide thread - if a dumper wants to get in touch with you, they will. They will find a way. She can block his number, but that doesn't mean he can no longer get in touch with her if he wants to. I understand the point in blocking their calls and texts, but I don't think that that's necessary if the phone calls and texts messages aren't either a) qualifying as harassment or b) causing you to react and respond. If she's not reacting to the messages or the phone calls - I don't think it's "delaying" her progress just because she hasn't blocked him.
destroyed4sho Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 (edited) The only person who can judge her progress is her. She is the only one who knows and feels the change in her. As has been said many times and is actually said in the no contact guide thread - if a dumper wants to get in touch with you, they will. They will find a way. She can block his number, but that doesn't mean he can no longer get in touch with her if he wants to. I understand the point in blocking their calls and texts, but I don't think that that's necessary if the phone calls and texts messages aren't either a) qualifying as harassment or b) causing you to react and respond. If she's not reacting to the messages or the phone calls - I don't think it's "delaying" her progress just because she hasn't blocked him. Exactly. I didnt block my ex from my phone until recently. I just simply didnt feel comfortable with it. But i have progressed and feel better now. I wasnt supressing any emotions by not.doing.it. I just wanted to prove to myself that she had nothing substantial to say and i proved it. So now I just want her out of any immediate or live hannels she can reach my at like fb or text msg or phone calls..just in case she throws a lame "hi" i am not interested. But i havent blocked her out of my email bc its not really somethig i check often and its less personal more formal way of being in touch with someone. Hey, whatever works ! Everyone is different. Just because you dont block someone from txt or whatever doesnt mean that you are being set back in some way. Whatever you feel works best for you should be the final word. The most important thing is not to engage in convo. Edited March 1, 2013 by destroyed4sho
na49 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 She won't set herself back by not blocking his number. She'll set herself back when he texts her "I miss you. Can we talk?" and she responds and he asks her to be friends. I personally couldn't deal with it. I've felt a lot better emotionally since blocking her and feel like I'd be able to handle a conversation with her better right now than I did 2 months ago. You don't hear from them at all, which sucks. but what does she have to tell me anyway? Her new boyfriend is better than me? The sex is better with him? His car is nicer than mine? Okay cool, I don't hear any of it. I completely understand not wanting to block an ex's phone number though. If you don't REALLY want to move on, you won't do it.
Author LostGirl11 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Like I said so many times, I actually can't block him on my phone due to it be a basic model and nobody wants to change their number, it's just so much hassle. Maybe I was wrong in saying that his text didn't affect me. It did affect me but not in a way that set my back, which is the main thing. I didn't feel an urge to reply and I'm able to see the motives now. It will fade out, he will get bored of being ignored but if he doesn't and I feel myself slipping and wanting to react then I'll do what TaraMaiden suggested.
na49 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 What is your service provider? Verizon lets you do it for free for 90 days. I never replied to my ex as she was sending me texts, I just drove myself mad trying to figure out what she wanted exactly. Not hearing from her since blocking her number has definitely made me feel better, but only you know what's right for you. Oh and he won't get bored. I thought my ex would get bored too with her late night texts. She didn't until I told her to leave me alone.
Author LostGirl11 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 What is your service provider? Verizon lets you do it for free for 90 days. I never replied to my ex as she was sending me texts, I just drove myself mad trying to figure out what she wanted exactly. Not hearing from her since blocking her number has definitely made me feel better, but only you know what's right for you. Oh and he won't get bored. I thought my ex would get bored too with her late night texts. She didn't until I told her to leave me alone. I'm in the uk. That's my point, I don't over think his texts anymore, I can see them for what they are, which is nothing. 2
Author LostGirl11 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 I just want to say that I do take on geegirls advice and I always take it on board. It doesn't go in one ear and out of the other. I wouldn't be this far along in healing if it wasn't for her wise advice. I value her advice and opinions.
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