Broke up with my long distance boyfriend, unsure if i did the right thing?

[mariestrat]

Broke up with my long distance boyfriend, unsure if i did the right thing?

I've been dating this individual for almost two years -- we met at work. for the past 7 months, we have been living on opposite sides of the country. I started a very rigorous graduate school program and he has unfortunately been living at home with his parents. needless to say, our lives are very different -- i live in a big city and is experiencing a lot of new things/people whereas he has a job he essentially hates and is living at home with his parents, an unideal situation. At first the distance was not bad, we saw each other about once a month but every time we parted ways, I was devastated and sad about it for a considerable amount of time after left each other... it started getting harder and harder. Around two months ago, I realized that I was not as happy as I once was in the relationship. It was confusing though, because he was a very wonderful boyfriend and I loved him; he was very attentive, considerate, loving and available. I was just unhappy with the distance and felt that seeing an individual only 3 days out of 30 was just not enough. I became resentful of myself for feeling this way, since my partner was so happy, content with our relationship and so deeply in love. I tried to look past this unhappiness but, it was an issue that was going to be constant unless he got into school in the same city I was in, which is something that was not going to happen until July or August... ( another issue was that he was not really working towards getting into school i.e, hadn't started studying for the GRE, was submitting applications late/right before the deadline -- his priorities didn't seem focused) So, this past weekend when he came to visit me, I didn't know what to do -- these thoughts were in the back of my mind the entire time he was here and finally, at the airport.. I told him I just couldn't do it anymore. I had expressed my doubts in our relationship previously, and when I finally did the deed he said he wasn't surprised. I feel an indescribable amount of guilt though... we had a wonderful weekend, he flew all the way out to see me, I crushed him so badly and now I know he's in pain and is angry and probably never wants to speak to me again. He has a crappy living situation, a job he doesn't like and does not have many friends in his town, I feel like he is very much alone and I feel terrible because of that. In addition to this, he lives in a state I have no formal ties to, me sending him off in despair at the airport is probably the last time I will ever see him. It was a horrible feeling. I still love him, and I still care for him deeply. I have some residual doubts that I made the wrong decision but at the same time, I am relived I finally told him the truth. Has anyone else experienced this? If so, how long did it take to speak to this person again? I plan on calling him in a week, just to see how he is doing, if he is willing to talk to me.

[H3Drvr]

My LDR gf broke up with me for practically the same reason. Although I was already making plans move to her country in about 7 months. She she told me it had been stressful for her being away from me; I had planned on going to see her every other month. I asked if I did anything wrong as a bf and she said I was perfect and could do no wrong.

 

In any case, I've been NC with her for the past 2 months. I'm trying to get over her and if she contacted me, all I would want to hear is if she wanted to reconcile. Otherwise, there's no point in her contacting me. So, hopefully that may give you some insight into what he maybe thinking.

[316]

You did the right thing OP. It doesn't matter how great your SO is; if you're unhappy for whatever reason, the relationship just wont work in the long run. Think about it this way - would it be fair for you to stay with him while pretending to be satisfied with the relationship? All you'd be doing is giving him false hope and hurting him even more in the end... just delaying the inevitable.

 

The feelings of regret and confusion are 100% natural. A lot of dumpees on this site think that most dumpers move on from the relationship much easier, when in reality many dumpers have as much of a hard time moving on as the dumpees. Right now you need to give your ex some space so both of you can begin the healing process. DONT ASK FOR HIM TO REMAIN FRIENDS WITH YOU OR KEEP IN CONTACT WITH YOU RIGHT AWAY. Give him some time to realize that the relationship is really over so he can heal faster.. At least a couple of months or so. Some time down the road you can attempt a friendship or perhaps more if you both can seriously see the relationship working again. But for now what both of you need is space and time. Things will be better overtime.

[mariestrat]

Thanks for the replies. I just noticed he completely blocked me on Facebook, I can't even find him anymore. I didn't think it would boil down to this, him cutting me out completely. When we were dating he always iterated the notion that he would always want to remain in contact, whether or not we were romantically involved. Does this block-out indicate hatred? or that hes in pain? I still feel terrible, I just hope one day he can forgive me.