Moving out after a breakup or stay in hopes of reconciliation?

[inkedup425]

Hi folks. I've been in a relationship for 5.5 years that just ended. We moved in together about 5 months ago and...as is his usual forte...when we started having issues, instead of communicating with me, he broke up with me. This has happened many times before over our relationship so I know living together has nothing to do with it. He just comes from a family that didn't teach him how to work through things with people. Even with his friends, if he has a problem he just stops talking to them. With me he usually comes back around and realizes he wants to be with me, but I guess I'm just tired of the cycle now. I do care about him...and I know he cares about me, but I need him to grow up and learn how to communicate with me/ deal with issues with me.

 

The reason he broke up with me this time is because he felt like he had been putting in a lot of work towards compromising in our relationship, which he had, but was still being asked to change and do things differently. Of course he never had a sit-down with me to tell me how he was feeling, but around the same time that he "checked out," I recognized these things on my own. I came to him and told him that I realize I had been contributing a lot of negativity to our relationship by pushing these expectations on him instead of just appreciating the things I already love about him...I have my own issues and I'm not perfect either. I told him that I was actively working on this...which to that he said "okay." I really am working on it, but I guess I'm just doing it for myself now. He's always said that he doesn't have a problem with our relationship, he thinks I'm beautiful, smart and fun to be around, but that the only issue he has with me are the problems I have with him. He really was going down the right path for those 5 months we got back together/moved-in and then I guess feeling under-appreciated made him give up for now.

 

Anyhow, since our big breakup last week, things have quieted a bit. He has been cuddling me at night, we paid bills, he bought lunch and we went grocery shopping together and have been amicable. Still, I am a bit stuck. I went out Saturday, met someone and even though it's no big deal...it just gave me some insight that I'll be fine either way this goes.

 

The issue is, I'm not sure if I should start making plans to move or not. I think he is getting comfortable with the idea that I will be here...as I have all these other times. He has a close friend that lives with his girlfriend and has had that on and off relationship thing going. I've already told him that's not my style...so I fell like I have to follow-up with action even though things are amicable. I know he's only interested in me...and that it really is just the issue of him not wanting to deal with relationship communication (because literally his mother told me she failed in that department and didn't show him how to properly deal with his emotions...why start now right?).

 

Part of me thinks making plans to move will put a little fire under his belt and make him sit down and truly evaluate the situation. I guess...for me...even though I LOVE our apartment and I will be extremely sad to leave it, I need to move in order to move on yea?

 

It's all so...blah. I'm not even sure how I feel about him right now. Guess I'm tired of getting my heart broken and the only thing that would change that would be a true change from him in the communication department.

 

Will moving out make things worse? Should I just do it for me? I just want to be happy.

 

I forgot to say that I asked him to move out already since it would be easier for him because he has family here. He refused saying he pays bills here and that he is not moving back home. I asked for a month, two weeks, a week where I'd reimburse him the money to leave and he said no. I think he thinks I'm stuck either way because I dont have a lot of money right now to be moving, but I think it's necessary. So yea...me moving seems to be the only option.

[Sheilalou008]

This is exactly what happened to me. I was asked to move out and I did. There was no way to make it work while being there at all. All fighting and drama.

 

My advice would be to move and as quickly as possible. It is going to be painful to drag it out.