calgary Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I don't think this was my situation, i'm just curious. But what if despite all of your best romantic efforts, taking her for dinner, wearing her favourite aftershave, still flirting with her and trying to make her feel loved and adored.. she starts losing attraction? i'm sure it happens to most couples after a long time together, i'm sure everyone can agree after around the half a year mark you start getting settled and comfortable.. laying around eating chips in bed watching the same tv programs, going to work the next day. routine can kill romance right ? What if it's too late and your girlfriend starts to think of you as a best friend and all of a sudden kissing you seems similar to kissing her brother all of a sudden ? how do you go about getting the spark back? or once it's gone, is It gone for good? Like I said this is just out of curiosity ! me and my ex broke up over different reasons I just sometimes think maybe this was a small part in it. maybe they just want the excitement of a new relationship again after a certain period of your relationship going stale ?
man_in_the_box Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Things cool down after a while, yes. That's inevitable. But if they completely die then there something really wrong.
amolya Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 A friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend of seven years because she felt he was too much like her best friend and not a partner (though I'm sure sex was an issue also as they got together when she was 17 and were in an open relationship for the las year of their relationship because she wanted to experience sex with other guys). My friend was happy being best friends with his girlfriend, but I guess she felt she needed more of a spark
Soxfaninfl Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 You have to keep the romance and the passion going otherwise you'll just become roo ages that have sex if you live together. Send her love notes, tell her you love her every day, show her affection, buy her flowers atleast once a month, do nice things for her and don't always expect something in return. Make sure your fulfilling her love language also. There is a great book called the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman. It's a great book. Keep yourself in shape also, so your appealing to your GF. If you let yourself go, her eye will start to wonder.
Author calgary Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 You have to keep the romance and the passion going otherwise you'll just become roo ages that have sex if you live together. Send her love notes, tell her you love her every day, show her affection, buy her flowers atleast once a month, do nice things for her and don't always expect something in return. Make sure your fulfilling her love language also. There is a great book called the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman. It's a great book. Keep yourself in shape also, so your appealing to your GF. If you let yourself go, her eye will start to wonder. I just sometimes wonder if that's the problem? what if we're overly nice.. if she's getting everything on a plate and has no worries and knows you love her dearly.. it's no longer a challenge? it's easy, she knows she can get away with anything and you'll be there no matter what? think sometimes it's good to keep people on their toes around you rather than sucking up to them?
Soxfaninfl Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I just sometimes wonder if that's the problem? what if we're overly nice.. if she's getting everything on a plate and has no worries and knows you love her dearly.. it's no longer a challenge? it's easy, she knows she can get away with anything and you'll be there no matter what? think sometimes it's good to keep people on their toes around you rather than sucking up to them? If your overly nice then she will never leave you. If she does then she will see that the grass isn't greater on the other side. Don't suck up to her, and don't let her take advantage of you. Keeping the passion and romance is a challenge because you have to change it up some times. You can't be predicable. You habe to keep her guessing. I know I was married for 11 years.
Els Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I don't think this was my situation, i'm just curious. But what if despite all of your best romantic efforts, taking her for dinner, wearing her favourite aftershave, still flirting with her and trying to make her feel loved and adored.. she starts losing attraction? i'm sure it happens to most couples after a long time together, i'm sure everyone can agree after around the half a year mark you start getting settled and comfortable.. laying around eating chips in bed watching the same tv programs, going to work the next day. routine can kill romance right ? Half a year? I gotta say, I don't think that's normal at all. I don't think most people even move in together before the half a year mark. Like I said this is just out of curiosity ! me and my ex broke up over different reasons I just sometimes think maybe this was a small part in it. Well, every couple needs different things to keep the spark alive (and I'm talking 2+ years here, I really think that if things get 'stale' after just 6 months it just wasn't meant to be). But general suggestions tend to include: Reasonably frequent and varied date nights out, reasonably frequent and varied sex (which includes orgasm for both parties), a lot of non-sexual affectionate gestures such as hand-holding, hugging, etc, and taking some time to yourselves to just talk about things deeper than what's for dinner and whether or not you feel a new fridge is needed.
Author calgary Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Half a year? I gotta say, I don't think that's normal at all. I don't think most people even move in together before the half a year mark. Well, every couple needs different things to keep the spark alive (and I'm talking 2+ years here, I really think that if things get 'stale' after just 6 months it just wasn't meant to be). But general suggestions tend to include: Reasonably frequent and varied date nights out, reasonably frequent and varied sex (which includes orgasm for both parties), a lot of non-sexual affectionate gestures such as hand-holding, hugging, etc, and taking some time to yourselves to just talk about things deeper than what's for dinner and whether or not you feel a new fridge is needed. me and my ex were together 18 months I didn't feel a loss of spark at all until the last couple of months, she just stopped holding my hand or wanting to go for dinner.. instead of spending the night together, she'd just call me up for a couple of hours, moan about her day and people and how stressed she was getting. she seemed flirty with other guys and I didn't like it so I ended things.. but I was really good to her, like you said sex is important for both parties. I was quite deep with her and always making the effort but I wasn't feeling it back as much. I tried everything but I just felt like the more I tried the more I pushed her away eventually.. it sort of felt like I was smothering her? but I was giving her space. I think sometimes relationships at a young age are difficult to maintain. this is a generation that replaces broken things rather than repairing them.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 this is a generation that replaces broken things rather than repairing them. It's sad but true. I wish it wasn't this way.
carhill Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 what if your girlfriend starts to see you as more of a friend? Get another girlfriend. If her kissing you, as an example, in any remote way approximates a non-incestuous similarity to kissing her brother, drop her immediately. This act indicates that she has acted without clear communication of whatever issues mutated romantic feelings to sibling feelings, and for unknown reasons. You have become a placeholder. This answer respects the efforts you outlined in the OP. 1
man_in_the_box Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 If your overly nice then she will never leave you. I know your intentions are good but this advice is horrible. It's the highway to becoming a spineless doormat that many women find to be turned off from in long LTR's. I'm not saying be a jerk - just that this might not turn in the results you would expect.
StanMusial Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 If my gf started treating me like a friend or buddy instead of a romantic partner I would break up with her. Because it would be over.
Author calgary Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 If my gf started treating me like a friend or buddy instead of a romantic partner I would break up with her. Because it would be over. would you not consider trying to get her interested in you again ? would you just move on and never look back ?
man_in_the_box Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I think you're approaching this issue way to much from a point of view of fixing yourself. Unless you have physically or emotionally changed a lot during the time when she lost romantic interest in you. Sometimes people grow out of a relationship for no specific reason at all. I think you need to first find out what exactly is wrong before you start working on things that might not resolve the issue at all.
StanMusial Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 would you not consider trying to get her interested in you again ? would you just move on and never look back ? No and yes. Sometimes things just run their course.
todreaminblue Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I don't think this was my situation, i'm just curious. But what if despite all of your best romantic efforts, taking her for dinner, wearing her favourite aftershave, still flirting with her and trying to make her feel loved and adored.. she starts losing attraction? i'm sure it happens to most couples after a long time together, i'm sure everyone can agree after around the half a year mark you start getting settled and comfortable.. laying around eating chips in bed watching the same tv programs, going to work the next day. routine can kill romance right ? What if it's too late and your girlfriend starts to think of you as a best friend and all of a sudden kissing you seems similar to kissing her brother all of a sudden ? how do you go about getting the spark back? or once it's gone, is It gone for good? Like I said this is just out of curiosity ! me and my ex broke up over different reasons I just sometimes think maybe this was a small part in it. maybe they just want the excitement of a new relationship again after a certain period of your relationship going stale ? i think it takes mutual effort,to keep the spark there,doing things that are off side of routine helps,i havent found the spark dies with someone i am attracted to after six months...to me i know then what makes that other person happy and they feel relaxed around me and i can be relaxed around them.....that doesnt mean being lazy......and i feel love dies when apathy hits, you have to want to keep the romance alive...and then you can do exactly that....cherish romance and it and the gf will stay with you .....deb
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