Emma11 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Has anyone every had a best friend or Signifigant other just break things off out of the blue? We were fine one day (telling me to have a good day, calling me later etc) and the next day just started ignoring me completely. My gut said something was wrong and after 2 calls and a few texts, I just gave him space. Then a week later, he sent an email saying some pretty cruel things and falsy accused me of things. He ended it by saying it was over and even if my car broke down he wouldn't come to help me. It's been a month, honored his decision and had NC. I'm pretty broken up and I feel complete guilt/shame. I wake up and my chest hurts just from the guilt/shame. The criticized my personality and made me out to be a mentally ill, weak loser. He said I was bipolar, depressed etc, how insecure I was, I was a liar, was bad at my job (where I just got a 98% job performance review???) I don't have any mental illnesses (apart from mild anxiety when I'm really stressed) and all my friends & family told me none of its true (and are pretty shocked about the whole thing). But, I'm beating myself to death about it like I can't convince myself its not true, even though I know its not. I feel so ashamed-its done a number on my confidence. I went from being happy, peaceful and confident to doubting everything. Anyone else experience this?
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Your ex is the bipolar one. His flucuating mood suggests that. He is also abuse. That is what he has done to you; it has worked. You should not feel so low over him; he's a loser, you are not. Start seeing yourself as above his words, above him. That he is messed up, not you. If you know he's wrong, everyone else knows, then stop doubting yourself...you only let an abusive person win over you.
Author Emma11 Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 My pastor said the same thing (netural party). I'm starting to see the bipolarness and possibly other things now that my mind is becoming clearer.
KansasChica Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 My ex did something similar. We were perfectly fine one day, he telling me how much he loved me, and then bam, he was devaluing me, telling me that I was basically a horrible person who never loved him... yadda yadda. I was shocked. He then broke up with me, blaming everything on me. I realize now how much of a coward he is- totally weak. The only way he could justify his fear of intimacy was to make me out to be a bad person and convince others that he was the victim. Even the few times I reached out to him, he was accusing me of things. It was insane! He avoided me at all costs for a long time, I assume because he couldn't face me. I went through the guilty feelings as well- to hear someone that you love so much tell you that the end is your fault- it was a lot to take in. I now realize that I did the best I could at the time, but it takes TWO people to make a relationship work. He never communicated any issues with me, just stored them to avoid conflict and grew to resent me. Remember that no one is perfect... focus on yourself and what you can do better your next relationship. Hang in there!
Author Emma11 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 @Kansaschica-I'e had several people say that he did it because he's a commitment phobe. His actions showed he cared a lot, but when we would get closer, he'd suddenly back off at a point. I'm realize what he said WAS untrue about me (I knew before, but convincing myself took a lot of personal reflection and words from friends/family). The extra guilt comes from the fact he *thinks* these things of me. I would never want to hurt him. It also says a lot that he brought up resolved issues and things I apologized for aganist me. If he had brought up issues, he KNOWS I'm honest and we could talk them out. I pride myself on being honest, understanding and open (as do many others.) Serious question for others-is it normal for a guy to be passive aggressive? Does that show he's hurt? He saw me one day volunteering for my job and immediatly put his phone on speaker and started fake talking to a girl he ALWAYS complained about (fake talking-when your voice tone says I'm forcing this conversation). Another time he saw me, he stopped on the sidewalk, went the other way, jumped in his car and drove off. Insight please??
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