crashvector Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 (edited) Today makes 2 months since the break with my ex-fiance, and I am REALLY struggling here.... I keep thinking about her....how much I loved her, etc. I guess one does not go from being so in love with another person that you want to spend the rest of your life with them to being "normal" without them in 60 days. I tried "dating" if you want to call it that, but have decided to stop, as all I was doing was distracting myself from thinking about her all the time. Yeah, it worked, but I felt (and feel) like a jerk for using someone else to try and patch up my broken heart. Anyhow, its been 2 months and I'm still struggling to sleep and eat. I have now lost a total of 35 pounds, and am down to 140. I have to FORCE myself to eat still...and often cant even finish something as small as half a sandwich because I start to feel sick to my stomach. The crying every day has returned...and its often multiple times per day...whenever I think about her. Guys (and ladies)....I'm not really sure I can recover this time This is SOOO much worse than my divorce was. I guess because I thought (hell, I was CONVINCED) things would be different this time...I had found the woman of my dreams and I loved her so much that she took my breath away every time I saw her. For 5+ years, EVERY time I saw her, the air would get thick and it would be hard to breathe.....the room would get brighter, and I would get butterflies in my stomach....the sound of her voice DID something to me I cannot describe. Yes, this happened EVERY time I saw her. I am SO hurt....this hurts SO bad....I almost don't know what to do with myself anymore at this point. I have been throwing up constantly for the last week....my hair is falling out, im losing weight at an alarming rate, and my heart actually HURTS with the pain of losing her. I dont want to live the rest of my life in love with someone who does not love me in return, but what can i DO?! I have been strict NC since the breakup and its NOT getting any better! I have been doing everything I know to do in order to try and heal, but nothing it working. I just keep slipping farther and farther away.... It is taking the very last shred of strength that I have to not reach out for contact with her...to email her or text her or call her. I'm losing the fight and I know it....I'm fighting with everything I have but I just dont know how much more I've got. I'm so desperate for her that I'd sell my very soul to the devil RIGHT NOW if I could. God DAMMIT this hurts SO much.... Edited February 27, 2013 by crashvector
Mack05 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Crash have you thought about counselling? These guys have the tools to help you try deal with this kind of grief. Letting it all out with someone who won't judge you can be a real help too.
Author crashvector Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Crash have you thought about counselling? These guys have the tools to help you try deal with this kind of grief. Letting it all out with someone who won't judge you can be a real help too. Ive tried it. All I do is sit there the whole time and cry. I've never faced this amount of emotional pain before. It's indescribable. That's saying a LOT coming from a guy who is divorced because his wife cheated on him. I dont know why..but this is at LEAST 5X worse than my divorce EVER was...and I barely made it out of THAT.
LostOne1 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Ive tried it. All I do is sit there the whole time and cry. I've never faced this amount of emotional pain before. It's indescribable. That's saying a LOT coming from a guy who is divorced because his wife cheated on him. I dont know why..but this is at LEAST 5X worse than my divorce EVER was...and I barely made it out of THAT. Then you need a better counsellor.. mines just talked to me and some how got it in my head that I was better off without my ex. And I swear each time I went in.. I came out the door as a stronger person.
Mack05 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 (edited) I agree with Lost if one doesn't work, then try another. A good counsellor will figure out why a 36 old man wanted to marry a 53 year old woman. I am not saying it's wrong. I am saying there there are certain psychological reasons behind it. For example guys that go for younger women tend to be controlling. Guys that go for older women tend to look for stability. A good counsellor should be delving more into this. I believe your ex Crash was suffering from breast cancer early after you both met? This really isn't a good time to try build a relationship. Suffering from cancer is such an incredibly draining experience. I've never suffered, but my gran who lived with me did. Since you have never walked in your ex's shoes it really is hard to know what was going on in her head throughout the relationship. Crash the bottom line is the only person that can help 'you' is you. I think there is a lot of unresolved stuff from your first marriage and before that. I believe you have a son? What good are you to him in this kind of state? If anything he should inspire you to want to get out of this slump. Many people in everyday life have far more to deal with then you. Yet they do because they are strong. You are too, but you need courage to tap into that strength. You need to become self aware. You need to figure out why you hit such devastating lows. Once you know more about yourself, then you can put things in place to improve your life as a whole. Right now the harsh reality is that no woman would want you to way you are now. You have to start turning this around. To become strong mentally and emotionally. Otherwise life will just slip away as it is now.. Your son needs a strong male role model. This alone should make you want to snap out of this funk. The things that helped me besides counselling is regular exercise and trying to open my mind. Trying to get in touch with my spiritual side. A book called "The power of now" by Eckhart Tolle was a big help. When you are down in the dumps, working towards spiritual enlightenment can be a great last gasp resort. If you are going to be cynical and say why bother. Then don't bother. But in my opinion life is precious and to waste it in a state of continuous depression is a sin. One of my favourite quotes is from the Shawshank redemption. "Get busy living or get busy dieing". Relationships with that kind of age gap rarely work. I don't want to sound ageist, I really don't, but are are 36! Go chase some young totty! Grieve, heal, move on (learn to be happy inside) and then get back out there! Edited February 27, 2013 by Mack05 2
FailedFirstLove Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I thought you were doing well. You will have moments where you are completely down. But there will be moments where you will be better. For me, it seems to be how my life is going. If my life feels like its going hill. Ill miss him more and more. Thinking that my life is hell because his not here. but Im sure you will have good moments like you did where you become interested in others. Just hold on during hard times
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