greenetree Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I met him last Saturday and we had this instant connection. I normally play a little harder to get but everything felt right so I kind of rushed into things. We went out two nights in a row last week. Both nights we got buzzed but not drunk. I think it helped us both be a little more at ease. I had an amazing time both nights. I know he did too. We made out a little both nights but it didn't get sexual. So we spent our first afternoon together on Saturday. I kind of panicked a because I started feeling like I was rushing into things. The last time I did that I got hurt really badly. So I kind of put the brakes on and I think I killed out chemistry together. At the end of the date he tried to kiss me but I pulled away a little bit and we just hugged. We texted a bit that evening but it felt different and colder than our texting last week. I didn't hear from him at all Sunday as compared to constant texts all last week. Yesterday we exchanged a few texts ending with me asking when I was going to see him next. I haven't heard from him since. I think I've lost him which makes me really sad because we had this incredible connection until I pulled away. Should I text him telling him what happened and how I feel? This is what I was thinking of sending him: "Seriously though, what happened? We had great chemistry last week. Everything felt right. Then it was gone just like that. I still hardly know you, but I think you’re amazing. I wanted to talk to you Sunday night because I was so mad at myself. The last time I felt this way about someone, we rushed into things and both ended up hurt. So I got scared and pulled back a little on Saturday and killed the chemistry we had. Anyway, I would have preferred to have this conversation face to face. If any of this resonates with you, I’d like to give this another try. Please share your feelings."
RachR Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Ok, first off, I wouldn't send that text. I'm all for being genuine and honest but that is over the top and disproportionate for where things are at right now. You just met this guy not a week ago, you don't know him. You have already expressed interest by asking him when you will see him next, so I'd leave it at that. I'm not a guy, but it may have come off as odd and maybe ego hurting to pull back that second night, I don't know, but like I said, you've already expressed interest in seeing him again so I can't see how he can question it, IF that's why he's not contacting you. Edit* As for me personally, I don't think it's a good idea to send serious things / have serious discussions over text anyway. 2
CC12 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I'm going to strongly advise against sending that text. You haven't known him for very long, so I think it's premature to explain your feelings and ask him to explain his. You asked him when you'd see him again and you got silence. That silence is your answer. This was a brand new friendship - no, not even a friendship - it was a brand new acquaintance and it didn't last. Don't drag this out. Just move on.
MrCastle Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 This is what happens when you mess around. Anyway, don't send that large message, it's gonna come off as clingy. Just say "Hey what's up? I was wondering if you're still down for seeing me soon? I really enjoyed our first few hangouts :)" That's all you need. If he likes you, he'll bite. If not, move on.
Author greenetree Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 So I don't understand "the move on" thing. What do I have to lose? Doing nothing means I'll never see him again which I don't want. I'll get over it if he doesn't reply. So I guess what I'm saying is I'm going to text him regardless. If so do I wait another day? Am I coming across too serious? We spent alot of time together last week. I already know him better than some guys I dated for weeks or months. That said, I know I've only seen him on his best behavior as that stuff only comes out after months regardless of how great the early connection is.
CC12 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 So I guess what I'm saying is I'm going to text him regardless. Alright, if you're going to text him regardless, then I'd suggest you just text him and say, "Hey, I'm going to [a thing] on Saturday night. Would you like to come with me?"
bobsmith76 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 "Seriously though, what happened? We had great chemistry last week. Everything felt right. Then it was gone just like that. I still hardly know you, but I think you’re amazing. I wanted to talk to you Sunday night because I was so mad at myself. The last time I felt this way about someone, we rushed into things and both ended up hurt. So I got scared and pulled back a little on Saturday and killed the chemistry we had. Anyway, I would have preferred to have this conversation face to face. If any of this resonates with you, I’d like to give this another try. Please share your feelings." Sending that text is exactly what you should do. If you want something, then the best way to get it is to pursue it. Sounds completely obvious but so many women fail to do just that. If I were you I would go over to his house and confront him. If he fails to respond make another effort a week later. If that fails, try again after another week. Write him a poem or make him a youtube video. Men crumble easily and have no ability to resist a woman's advances. If women knew that, their lives would be so much easier. Take it from me, I'm a man and I know. It's so hard to make a connection with a member of the opposite sex in this world. When it does happen you need to move heaven and earth to make sure it's not lost.
Trimmer Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Yeah, I don't see a reason that you should move on without another try, as long as you are prepared for the possibility that you broke something and it won't come back. And I would tend to agree with this: Alright, if you're going to text him regardless, then I'd suggest you just text him and say, "Hey, I'm going to [a thing] on Saturday night. Would you like to come with me?" I certainly wouldn't lead with "Seriously though, what happened?" when you are clearly the one who backed off. All you can do is "un-back-off" and show interest. Backing off - going backwards - is a really negative signal to send, and he might well have moved on himself, but if there's any hope, you can try to move forward, not send confusing signals, and see if you get anywhere... As long as your ego or your heart won't get too bruised if he rejects you at this point (which IS a possibility), you really don't have anything to lose by trying.
Andy_K Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Sending that text is exactly what you should do. If you want something, then the best way to get it is to pursue it. Sounds completely obvious but so many women fail to do just that. If I were you I would go over to his house and confront him. If he fails to respond make another effort a week later. If that fails, try again after another week. Write him a poem or make him a youtube video. Men crumble easily and have no ability to resist a woman's advances. If women knew that, their lives would be so much easier. Take it from me, I'm a man and I know. It's so hard to make a connection with a member of the opposite sex in this world. When it does happen you need to move heaven and earth to make sure it's not lost. Are you serious? Most guys pursued to that extent after one week will assume she's a grade A stalker. You need to sit down and watch Fatal Attraction...
bobsmith76 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Are you serious? Most guys pursued to that extent after one week will assume she's a grade A stalker. You need to sit down and watch Fatal Attraction... Only men who don't understand what love is. Fatal Attraction was just a typical case of Hollywood exaggeration. Sure, there are some crazy women out there, but if you let fear rule your life, you'll get nowhere. Look where fear got General McClellan: fired.
Author greenetree Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Write him a poem or make him a youtube video It's funny you say that because we're both singer songwriters and the romance started with us exchanging youtube videos. He sent me a video and I was so moved by it, i recorded one for him and sent it right back.
Trimmer Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 It's funny you say that because we're both singer songwriters and the romance started with us exchanging youtube videos. He sent me a video and I was so moved by it, i recorded one for him and sent it right back. Ha ha... In that case, it might actually not come off as stalky as it sounds when bobsmith says it...
Author greenetree Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 I certainly wouldn't lead with "Seriously though, what happened?" when you are clearly the one who backed off. Yeah that's out of context. we text jokingly back and forth. and the text i was going to send started off with something i know will make him smile.
Eddie Edirol Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 When you backed off, you probably made him think you werent attracted to him. You can ask him out, but dont text him, call him. If he hems and haws, I would assume he just wanted sex and nothing more. If you sensed you were rushing into things, he probably thought he was getting some soon, which might have been all he wanted. If he wanted more, he will see you again.
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