pinklily91 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 (edited) This is about to be super long, because I want to put as many details as possible. So last semester, my roommate, let's call her Sarah, starting dating this guy, we will John. John is really outgoing, so she and I would hang out at their apartment every weekend. The guy had a roommate, let's call him Tom, who had recently broken up with his girlfriend. The first time we met I thought he was cute, but we didn't really talk. I am painfully shy and as it turns out, so is he. That night, I got a little too drunk and he offered to let me sleep in his bed and he would sleep on the couch. I ended up going home but I found out from Sarah that Tom had told John I was pretty cute. So we continued hanging out there, with Tom not really talking to me, but talking to everyone else. So fast forward a few weeks later, Sarah and I had a party. We invited John and Tom. We had a few friends up and I had mentioned how I thought Tom was cute. Again Tom and I didn't really talk, but my friends noted how he would stare at me when I wasn't really looking. About a month later, Sarah and I had a formal for our organization and I was going to take one of my best guy friends. Well he ended up bailing a few days before the dance and Sarah suggested I ask Tom. I felt like that would be weird, seeing as how we had never really talked. She assured me he was a nice guy and would definitely go with me. She brought it up to John, who brought it up to Tom. He said he would for sure go with me, but I had to directly ask him. Well I ended up asking him (over text lol) and he said of course he would go. At formal we talked a little bit, but being that we are both shy, we started talking more while drunk. Sarah and John ended up breaking up over Christmas break, but they remained friends. She also remained friends with Tom. About 3 weeks ago, we were out to dinner and she was texting Tom and he said he was nearby and might stop by, because he was hanging out with an old friend. They didn't end up coming by, but I jokingly told her to ask Tom if his friend was single, to which Tom replied, "Yes, but I'm single too". Sarah was then like, "Well if I were to set you up with one of my friends, would you go on a date with her?" He said, yes and then she asked him his type. He said short girls, with my hair color. Sarah didn't know what to say back. Last weekend, we hung out with Tom and John for the first time since then. I got drunk and made a point to tell Tom that he never would talk to me unless he was drunk, to which he said that was a lie. He then told me he had kept my number from me asking him to formal, I had deleted his because I felt like it would've been weird to keep his number. Sarah got too drunk, so we decided to stay the night at their apartment. Tom told me I could sleep in his bed if I wanted to, so I did. We ended up hooking up (not sex) and I told him I don't have sex with people I am not dating. He asked if that was supposed to be a challenge, to which I repeated no I just don't have sex with people I am not dating. He then told me how he doesn't have sex with people he isn't dating either. The next day, he was shy towards me again, but had no problem talking to Sarah. That Monday, we all went out to for Tom's birthday. Sarah and John started fighting with each other, so Tom and I moved to a different table. We were able to have a nice long conversation and he was even flirting. We found out we both have a lot in common. The next day, I mentioned to Sarah how I wish he would text me because I felt weird just texting him out of the blue. She gave me his number and practically had to force me to text him, because of how shy I am. We texted nonstop that day and the next. But then I didn't text him the next day, hoping he would text me. He didn't. Sarah was talking to John, who said Tom thought I was "extremely attractive". Tom and I have a class together so I asked what he thought about the whole thing and he said Tom definitely seems interested and enjoys talking to you. Then this past Saturday, we went over there again. He was actually talking to me this time, before we started drinking. So then once the alcohol hit me, I told him I didn't understand why he didn't text me yesterday, he said he never really texts anyone first, not even his roommate. We were kind of all over each other the entire night flirting. We ended up hooking up again and he drove me home in the morning. On the drive home, were able to talk sober and I mentioned how my car would not start the day before and needed to be jumped. He told me I should have asked him, because he would've definitely came and helped. I wanted to ask him to hang out later in the week, but I got too nervous. I am very old fashioned and am used to guys pursuing me. I am getting frustrated to the point where I'm about to up and ask him to hang out, but I don't want to get rejected. I even mentioned to him last week while texting that I wish we could talk soberly. I was dropping hints to him that I had no plans on a certain day, but he didn't seem to get the hints. Friends I've asked have said it seems like he likes me, but I just have the fear of rejection in the back of my mind. I just want to know if I am wasting my time or if it seems as though he really does like me. I guess I figure my friends are obligated to tell me that he likes me, whereas on the internet I can get opinions from people who don't know either of us. I've looked up signs a shy guy likes you and he seems to fit most of them. But besides being afraid of rejection, I'm afraid he just thinks I'm attractive and doesn't actually like me. He is graduating in May, but will be living about 45 minutes away. I'm just afraid if he does like me, he doesn't want to date me. I am just very confused about this whole situation. And also, although it may appear so, I promise I am not an alcoholic. Edited February 27, 2013 by pinklily91
ja123 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 From what you described, it sounds like he likes you and is interested. If he's that shy, perhaps that's the reason he hasn't asked you out. Perhaps he, too, fears rejection; however, he is the only one who knows what's in his mind. You could always invite him out to something casual. Then, if it seems like you're getting along at the end of the "date" you could tell him you enjoyed yourself, but if he wants to see you again the ball is in his court. You might actually have to spell it out to him. If he doesn't invite you out after that, even if he still makes comments about how much he likes you to his friends, then I'd move on, as he's a time-waster.
Author pinklily91 Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 From what you described, it sounds like he likes you and is interested. If he's that shy, perhaps that's the reason he hasn't asked you out. Perhaps he, too, fears rejection; however, he is the only one who knows what's in his mind. You could always invite him out to something casual. Then, if it seems like you're getting along at the end of the "date" you could tell him you enjoyed yourself, but if he wants to see you again the ball is in his court. You might actually have to spell it out to him. If he doesn't invite you out after that, even if he still makes comments about how much he likes you to his friends, then I'd move on, as he's a time-waster. Thank you for your help. I already feel like I'm wasting my time with this whole thing. Our spring break is coming up, so I'm giving this whole thing a week until after that for something to happen. If not, I'm moving on. I'm just so used to guys being outgoing and actively pursuing me, that this whole situation just confuses me so much.
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