Love Bytes Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Ok, I won't go into all the relationship details, but my ex of 3 years ended things with me at the beginning of December. No big bombshells, just little things that I did that added up, a rough living situation, stresses...etc., I never went NC. I went LC for a while, but we always talked a little, and actually met up in the middle of January just to hang out and see where we were at. Well lately we'd been talking more and more, and had a long talk till 3 AM Saturday night, where we both kind of laid it on the line. Took her out to dinner tonight, kept it light, then went back to her place and talked for a while. Discussed where we were at, and what we want...etc., Well, she wants to start talking and hanging out more to workout the relationship. Says she's confident we can work everything out, and wants to get back together...but she wants to take it slow. Which is probably the smart approach. Of course I'm not getting overexcited or confident, but things are really looking like they may work out. I've been in plenty of failed relationships, and I've been thrown breadcrumbs before, but I think this is sincere. We'll see...I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks for all the support. 1
Skalabanan Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Make sure you do keep us updated! As long as the issues that caused the initial breakup have been sorted you'll be golden. Just make sure you enjoy your time together, everything else will slot into place. 1
Author Love Bytes Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Make sure you do keep us updated! As long as the issues that caused the initial breakup have been sorted you'll be golden. Just make sure you enjoy your time together, everything else will slot into place. Yeah, they're sorted out except for the living situation. But we're just avoiding that until I can get out of there in about 3 months.
pandora_be Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Make sure you do keep us updated! Just make sure you enjoy your time together, everything else will slot into place. That's what it is all about! Don't worry, if you can still have wonderful moments together, it is just a matter of time. 1
OSCAR_BUSTOS21 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 (edited) I liked your story partly because I'm in a similar position and partly because its a positive amongst all this negativity. I think she is sincere just make sure you work on yourself and develop, if so you'll have a great chance. Its been 2 months for me and although I'm the dumper I feel its progressing, maybe month 3 is lucky as one of my friends got back after that length. Also can I just say nc sucks, Ive never used it and many a respectable website says not to use it if you want them back. Its a healing tool, lc is better as they tend to intiate contact when they want therefore giving them space. Edited February 27, 2013 by OSCAR_BUSTOS21
pandora_be Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I liked your story partly because I'm in a similar position and partly because its a positive amongst all this negativity. I think she is sincere just make sure you work on yourself and develop, if so you'll have a great chance. Its been 2 months for me and although I'm the dumper I feel its progressing, maybe month 3 is lucky as one of my friends got back after that length. Also can I just say nc sucks, Ive never used it and many a respectable website says not to use it if you want them back. Its a healing tool, lc is better as they tend to intiate contact when they want therefore giving them space. NC to move on NC is to reconcile because you need to move on BEFORE you can reconcile LC is the same as NC because NC means Not Initiating Contact.
OSCAR_BUSTOS21 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I thought lc was limited contact, this is something I have intiated. I thought nc was total no contact. Question is can you not move on while in lc, I feel better and would say I had moved on even though the ex and I keep in contact.
pandora_be Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I thought lc was limited contact, this is something I have intiated. I thought nc was total no contact. Question is can you not move on while in lc, I feel better and would say I had moved on even though the ex and I keep in contact. NC is just that you do not initiate contact. Sometimes it means no contact at all, especially if you have trouble moving on. But if you are moving on well, then limited contact is fine, just as long as you do things like you want on your terms and if you are dumped she should lead to the next step. But chances are very high your ex gf will hesitate at the friendzone/lover line. That is the point where you decide to stay friends forever, TRY to be lovers or forget her forever. some people can also move on when they see their exes every day, like when they're colleagues or in the same group of friends. it's just a matter of how you are going about it. But there should be a huge difference as when you were together as a couple. If you were friends before you were a couple then it is better to even do less contact than at that time.
LadyAly Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I really appreciate this post. I'm going through something similar and seeing how it's been working out for you is great! It gives me a little bit of hope. I hope things continue down the path that you wish and keep us posted! 1
Author Love Bytes Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 I really appreciate this post. I'm going through something similar and seeing how it's been working out for you is great! It gives me a little bit of hope. I hope things continue down the path that you wish and keep us posted! Thanks. Things are getting better. Still a little awkward, almost like we're first dating again. Had dinner a couple weeks ago, went snowboarding last weekend, went to the movies Wednesday, and hung out and watched TV on Sunday. Heading over there tonight to hang out, and probably going out with her Friday too. It's still not back to where it needs to be yet, but I think it's headed in that direction. We're still discussing where things went wrong, and we both realize it, and feel that things have changed for the better...so we'll see... Thanks for the support LS!
Author Love Bytes Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 Make sure you do keep us updated! As long as the issues that caused the initial breakup have been sorted you'll be golden. Just make sure you enjoy your time together, everything else will slot into place. Ok, big update... I'll keep this relatively short, but we've now lived together for 10 months, been engaged for a little over 4 months, bought a house in April, and just booked the hall for our wedding in June of 2015. So if it's worth it, and you didn't do something stupid (cheat, abuse...etc.,), sometimes there's still a chance... 2
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Ok, big update... I'll keep this relatively short, but we've now lived together for 10 months, been engaged for a little over 4 months, bought a house in April, and just booked the hall for our wedding in June of 2015. So if it's worth it, and you didn't do something stupid (cheat, abuse...etc.,), sometimes there's still a chance... That is great to hear! I read your story and though its not a direct parallel (it never is) I see a lot of similarities between your story and mine. I would like to be able to say that in two years we will also be at the same point you are but I'm not keeping my life on hold for it either.
Author Love Bytes Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 That is great to hear! I read your story and though its not a direct parallel (it never is) I see a lot of similarities between your story and mine. I would like to be able to say that in two years we will also be at the same point you are but I'm not keeping my life on hold for it either. Good call. It wasn't until I came to terms with the fact that it might actually be over, and attempted to move on...that we actually worked it out.
newenglandkid Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 @lovebytes Awesome story to hear! I'm sort of going through somethingn similar: ex of a year and a half dumped me for little things like fights that just built up over time. We would always make up though. Hell a few weeks prior to breakup she was talking about one day getting married and moving in together this year! Anyway she broke up with me 5 weeks ago, and we've been LC since, although I am concerned, she told me she "met" a guy already (*cough rebound *cough). I'm trying to enjoy my single life by coaching and doing things I want. But I can't lie, I want her back and I hope that she realizes this sooner rather then later!
Author Love Bytes Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 @lovebytes Awesome story to hear! I'm sort of going through somethingn similar: ex of a year and a half dumped me for little things like fights that just built up over time. We would always make up though. Hell a few weeks prior to breakup she was talking about one day getting married and moving in together this year! Anyway she broke up with me 5 weeks ago, and we've been LC since, although I am concerned, she told me she "met" a guy already (*cough rebound *cough). I'm trying to enjoy my single life by coaching and doing things I want. But I can't lie, I want her back and I hope that she realizes this sooner rather then later! She dated a guy when we were broken up. I let it run its course...we were broken up and she had every right to see whoever she wanted. We ended up broken up for a total of about 3 months, and it worked out. I stayed in light contact, and she knew I was there if she needed me and that was about it. That may or may not work for other situations though.
newenglandkid Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 She dated a guy when we were broken up. I let it run its course...we were broken up and she had every right to see whoever she wanted. We ended up broken up for a total of about 3 months, and it worked out. I stayed in light contact, and she knew I was there if she needed me and that was about it. That may or may not work for other situations though. How did you deal with your ex dating someone else? I'm not sure my ex is "offical" with this guy, but the thought makes me sick. I just really want her back :/
newenglandkid Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 and at any point did you feel like you were never going to get back together (like when she was in that relationship)?
Author Love Bytes Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 How did you deal with your ex dating someone else? I'm not sure my ex is "offical" with this guy, but the thought makes me sick. I just really want her back :/ How did I deal with it? I just did. You don't really have a choice...she's a person, and has free-will. The sooner you realize that about people, the more fulfilling your relationships will be. They have to choose you...they have to choose to stay with you. And it's a constant choice...they don't just pick and stick. And I felt like we weren't getting back together most of the time we were broken up. So I started talking to other girls and attempting to move on. 3
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 She dated a guy when we were broken up. I let it run its course...we were broken up and she had every right to see whoever she wanted. We ended up broken up for a total of about 3 months, and it worked out. I stayed in light contact, and she knew I was there if she needed me and that was about it. That may or may not work for other situations though. I believe this is an important part to make. OP's situation, like every other, is different. What works for one isn't going to work for another. As much as want there to be a formula or science there simply isn't. Only you can predict what will and will not work. With that being said, you need to move on. Sitting around waiting for a text or a call will drive you mad. Live your life to the fullest and see where it takes you.
newenglandkid Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 yes I think I'm coming to grips that our past relationship is dead and any future relationship will be completely new... I am seeing a therapist right now and she is helping a lot, I'm taking this time to not only enjoy being single, but working on myself and improving myself. It feels good, I can't lie. Although it is disappointing that she seems to have attached to the next person she met (who I think is the rebound), instead of coping and trying to make herself a little better... is that the right thinking on my part? I'm getting to the point where I'm indifferent about what she does now, but like I said its disappointing that she seems to just be fine and not grieving at all....
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