jst4today Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Okay, I'm going to keep this simple. My ex that I had dated for 3 years broke up with me 6 months ago. I was super sad, begged him to change his mind, did all the stuff you're not supposed to do after a breakup, etc. etc. NOW, after all the drama and heartache (on my end) he's all of a sudden "lonely" and "depressed" and decides to tell me that he "has feelings for me that he needs to figure out." Translation: I'm lonely and bored and/or jealous that you are seeing other people. So I tell him exactly that...to help him "figure out" his feelings. I told him that I think he's really just bored and or jealous that I'm dating again, and that he should probably just let them(his feelings) and me go. His response is a super sarcastic "yeah, I think maybe you're right." I ask why the sarcasm was necessary and I get a "whatever, just forget about it." I don't get it, is he just pissed I called him out on his insecurities? Should I even keep in any sort of contact with this guy?
singme2sleep Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Is there a chance that he just genuinely misses you?
ScienceGal Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I wouldn't keep in contact with him. He is lonely and depressed, ok... why is that your problem? Where was he when you were lonely and depressed? He left you, which means if he wants to come back, it has to be with some better line than being emotionally in the gutter! He is desperate and trying to use you to feel better. Let's say he really wants you back, that means he needs to work on his "loneliness and depression" first. He needs to be level-headed and emotionally sound or it will not work. He will just push through his temporary low and likely leave you again. As a dumpee, you are right to be hesitant and skeptical. If he contacts you again, either say nothing. Or (if you think there is real potential for reconciliation) say "I understand you're hurting right now, but the best thing is for you to sort through it. Clear your mind of the depression and see where that takes you. Maybe we can talk some time in the future about "us", but right now I am happy with my life and I want to keep moving forward". Good luck.
destroyed4sho Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 you called him out, he realized you were right, but sounds like he was being real, not sarcastic. You helped him figure out his own feelings...that is why you need to stay NC.
Author jst4today Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 He told me he misses me and he told me he has been "questioning his decision to break up with me." He started sleeping with somebody else 2 months ago and he told me about it. When he found out from a mutual friend that I was dating again a month ago he ended it with that girl and ever since has gone out of his way to let me know (even though I didn't ask) that he ended it with her AND he asks about how my dating life is going which I find strange. Bottom line, I went through plenty of pain after our break up and he knows it. The last thing that I need is to be sucked back into his mixed feelings and I have more dignity than to sit around and wait for him to figure it out. I know he knows how to stand on top of a mountain to profess his love for me. If these "feelings" were real, don't you think he'd know it 100%? I thought that pointing out the obvious would help him work through his confusion. I thought I was being a good friend.
Author jst4today Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 you called him out, he realized you were right, but sounds like he was being real, not sarcastic. You helped him figure out his own feelings...that is why you need to stay NC. I asked him if he was being sarcastic He said "yes" and then I asked him why that's when he said "whatever forget about it"
ScienceGal Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I know he knows how to stand on top of a mountain to profess his love for me. If these "feelings" were real, don't you think he'd know it 100%? I thought that pointing out the obvious would help him work through his confusion. I thought I was being a good friend. Yes. And you don't owe him anything. Sounds like he doesn't like the fact that you're moving on, though it was ok when he was... now the power has shifted and he no longer has a hold over you. He sees you are ok and content without him and he sees now that he has lost you (for real). Him trying to weasel back in seems questionable. I wouldn't go for it at this time. Let him work through it. And, you don't need to be his friend. You need to do what's best for you, which is to keep moving on.
Author jst4today Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 By the way he's French and currently living in France. I was living there with him too until he broke up with me. The only contact we have is via Skype. BUT, he is moving back to the states in 2 months for an internship and wants to see me. My plan, sciencegurl, was to do as you said and keep working on myself and moving on. However, I keep questioning everything because I am not sure we would really know anyways if it's real unless we saw each other in person. I just don't know how to deal with it because I'm still in love with him, but have accepted his decision. I question whether or not I was too quick to squash his second thoughts just because we haven't spoken in person to really know and now he's defensive or mad at my response. Did I do the right thing?
OSCAR_BUSTOS21 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 If he really is into you he'll start getting in touch a whole lot more. U played his bluff perfectly. Would u consider a reconciliation?
Author jst4today Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Definitely. But only if I knew it's what he truly wanted.
Treasa Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 I asked him if he was being sarcastic He said "yes" and then I asked him why that's when he said "whatever forget about it" There's your problem. Instead of telling him why he's sad and depressed, you should have either not replied/answered, or skipped straight to, "How do you say 'Piss off' in French?" *click*
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