Boyfriend nit-picks me and told me I don't meet his "standards".. ..

[Treasa]

If he was THAT bad, what does it say about you that you were with him?

 

And maybe the OP's man is comparing you to someone like Rayveness, her boobs are this big, her ass that big, and it's all good. Tough to match up with her.

 

http://www.mobiles24.com/static/previews/downloads/default/154/P-517569-8yChkVIWIn-1.jpg

 

That I was stupid and didn't have enough self-respect? That in order to be as smart as I am now, I had to do stupid things and learn from them?

 

If you'd like me to spell it out more directly, let me know.

[hppr]

IMO OP should go more by how he actually treats her day to day than the dumb things he might say every now and then and vice versa in a social vacuum. OP get out and make a life for yourself in your new community and you will then have more objectivity about this relationship as stated previously.

 

I'd be interested to hear what the guy does for a living, his education, hobbies, if they haven't been described yet. Is he very physically imposing, does he have a charming personality, popular guy or no, that sort of stuff.

 

I have a hunch what the answers are going to be but I'd be interested to hear her take on this stuff.

[Els]

OP, we know there are good points. Everyone single human being on this planet probably has at least one good point and the type of person who can get a girlfriend definitely has multiple. He's at least charming and thoughtful enough to snag you. And I bet your mama didn't raise no fool.

 

You came here because of the bad points because you apparently have a problem that you desire help resolving. Do you have any specific questions?

 

The resounding answer to "should I leave him?" is overwhelmingly "throw the bum out today over the phone and don't take him back".

 

What most of the women on here would be surprised to find out is I have been there too. My ex was very sweet for about 3 months and then gradually turned into abusive alcoholic sexual addiction cheater who constantly put me down every chance she got and manipulated my insecurities and made me feel guilty about every single aspect of my life. She would say things like "lots of guys want me because I'm so hot but too bad no other girls want you, pathetic effeminate loser" and "you'll never find someone else who loves you as much as I do". She was violently anti-porn, but chose to have casual hookups from online sites and meeting random dudes around campus and at parties to validate her need to feel attractive. And she didn't like condoms, or sharing the fact that she was banging other dudes. It seemed like she would do more and more to see how much she can get away with. She liked keeping lots of backups in case she lost me. Well, when I finally broke up with her she kept calling and showed up at my door at 2AM and would leave gifts outside and keep crying and threatened suicide, and on and on....

 

Like you, I was in a new city and didn't want to be alone, didn't have many friends, felt deeply insecure, and had no sympathetic ear to turn to for advice. It felt like it was something to endure and get through and she'll change and we'll have a stronger bond when its over, but no. Life is not like that. She only got worse. I wish I had left her back when I first found out that she was such an excellent liar and had completely different values from me.

 

The fact that she had a Kim Kardashian body while I'm an average looking brown dude definitely skewed with my head in ways that she fully understood and used to her advantage. When she found out that I was a wimpy pussy, then she went to work wiping her feet on her much younger less experienced new doormat. That was a difficult lesson to learn the hard way. The true nature of her issues (alcoholism, sexual addiction, etc) had to be pointed out by other people who witnessed this behavior because I had blinders on. I truly thought I was never going to find someone this attractive or this sexually exciting ever again....and its bull****. Don't believe it. She had good points too.

 

The lovely ladies here who hate me for my arrogant bastard posts, the above is why. It's a defense mechanism to thwart the abusers early on and trick people into believing I'm strong and confident. I've got my armor up.

 

Learn from the mistakes of so many others here who are offering you sincere advice. Don't defend the good points anymore. Only decide if the bad points are a dealbreaker or not. Write it down if you have to. Ask real life friends/family/counselors if they have more credibility than random people online.

 

And leave the bum today. Don't wait. He needs a wake up call.

 

A very textbook example of what happens when someone stays with a partner like that for too long. Sorry this happened to you, dude. If you keep your 'walls' up forever you let the other person win, though. Don't do that, for your own sake.

[nessaaa]

Then why did he get with u to begin with.

These morons try to change you and mold u into something they want.

[CptObvious]

wow OP you sure know how to pick a winner. I think you both need to compromise. He gets his body fat down to 12% and you get a new pair of titties. win win.

[Leigh 87]

OP - you are reallly pretty, and your body size sounds really desirable to most men!

 

Women come in all shapes and sizes; some men prefer curvier women, some men prefer brunettes, and etc...

 

Please know though - your VERY PRETTY to a lot of men, and most men would feel lucky to have a wome who looks like you, and who is a nice person also:)

 

Go and find a man who really loves you!

 

This guy might really like you a lot, despite his nastyness, he obviously likes being around you a lot and he would like you to some extent...

 

However, I suspect he sounds like a man who does not really have a high capacity to actually love ANY women.. he sounds too flawed and cold and heartless to really experience love or much feelings towards women or people in general:sick:

 

That, or he is a jerk, and no decent women would want him anyway~!

 

Your a decent women by the sounds of things, and deep down I KNOW you do not truly want him either......

 

You know what you have to do.

 

Good luck.....

[Leigh 87]

Also - plenty of chubby and average and even unattractive looking women have guys who love and adore them....

 

So...... it is utterly useless being with a man who cannot even appreciate you, when your actually very pretty...

 

This relationship is all so pointless! The affection and hand holding and hugging and sex you get IS NOT worth a guy who will erode your self esteem!

[ascendotum]

Then why did he get with u to begin with.

These morons try to change you and mold u into something they want.

 

Its not like gf/wives don't want to mold their bfs/husbands either, much! (with less focus on looks though)

Its human nature to what a partner to be close to your ideal. Its easy to buy say a smart phone that's ideal for you by reading reviews and comparing features, then going out and buying the one that you decided on. If you have a bounty of options in available men/women wanting to be with you, you can get closer to your ideal with a partner too. If you don't have a swag of options, you compromise and get the partner that meets the most important of your needs/wants, and it would be a bonus if they evolve closer to your ideal over time. Its a two way street though.

[KraftDinner]

Guys like this really make me mad.

 

Lots of times it's about control. I worked with this guy who had a big crush on me years ago (not being braggy -- he made it really obvious to everyone, and all our coworkers used to rib him about it).

 

Anyway, I thought he was sweet and nice. I liked his sense of humour a lot. Another relevant fact: e was really really unattractive in many ways. Overweight, terrible acne, a hook nose and hairless legs (he wore shorts a lot). BUT...I really liked him! So when he asked me out I said yes.

 

Well, he acted so weird on the date. He acted all, "well, of course you'll reject me so why should I bother?"

 

Then...he made some comment...can't remember it exactly but it was something like, "the last girl I went out with was a model. You see how much I like you? I'm willing to overlook the fact that you don't look like a model."

 

I was early 20s and was often told I was pretty, attractive, whatever, so him acting like he was doing me a solid by even being with me....wow.

 

I learned a lot from that guy, about how low people will go to hurt others to make themselves feel better or in control.

 

OP, anyone who insults another person like that will NEVER be trustworthy as far as taking care of your best interests. It shows that person to be selfish, cruel and insecure.

[Els]

Its not like gf/wives don't want to mold their bfs/husbands either, much! (with less focus on looks though)

 

Two wrongs don't make a right. You can feel free to post on threads where women are making cruel, nitpicky comments about their bf's/husband's traits. Maybe get BengalTiger to start one about his equally douchey ex-gf, and go to town. None of that excuses what the OP's bf is doing to her or why she should stay with him.

[ifonlyenough]

scared of settling with the wrong person or just scared of the loneliness of being alone?

Because he is very much the wrong person for you, or anybody with self respect. He is rude, immature, and just...no.

 

You are probably a babe, and he is a stupid douche. I see this situation sometimes and it baffles me how the girl will defend this guy who is just... well, a bit of a **** stain.

 

Thanks! Yes, probably both... Scared of the loneliness... Scared that my happily ever after may never happen!! lol.. Aren't we all.. I'm living far away from my family (not by choice and reallllly long story) so that makes it rough...

[Eternal Sunshine]

I'm throwing down the gauntlet to gender double standards. Why is it okay for women to nitpick the man but not for the man to nitpick the woman?

 

Once again, either accept each other "as is" or ditch.

 

Who said it is OK to nitpick a man or his looks? Nobody in this thread nitpicked their man. One thing is to post his bad points on LS (mind you out of frustration because your looks are under the microscope), quite another is to have it said to his face, over and over again.

 

Nobody here is really a victim though, as nobody exactly held a gun to our heads to stay in these relationships...

[Ruby Slippers]

Thanks! Yes, probably both... Scared of the loneliness... Scared that my happily ever after may never happen!! lol.. Aren't we all.. I'm living far away from my family (not by choice and reallllly long story) so that makes it rough...

Make some female friends. Mine have been a lifesaver during lonely times!

[mesmerized]

Thanks! Yes, probably both... Scared of the loneliness... Scared that my happily ever after may never happen!! lol.. Aren't we all.. I'm living far away from my family (not by choice and reallllly long story) so that makes it rough...

 

Ok seriously, do you really think with this guy there will be any happily ever after??? By staying with him you are just making sure that this will never happen.

[ifonlyenough]

I'd be interested to hear what the guy does for a living, his education, hobbies, if they haven't been described yet. Is he very physically imposing, does he have a charming personality, popular guy or no, that sort of stuff.

 

I have a hunch what the answers are going to be but I'd be interested to hear her take on this stuff.

 

He actually has a Bachelor's in history and is an Army Artillery Captain... He is in to working out, movies and video games (kind of nerdy). I like a little bit of a dork though.. I was an Air Force Trauma nurse so we do have the military in common... Although he is officer and I was enlisted so we do argue points there..

 

He does have a charming personality but probably a little quiet and reserved at first actually.. He will do and say sweet things and then totally cancel them out by chopping me down the next sentence. He was a dork in highschool... Got made fun of for being chubby, and then went to college (ROTC) and built some good muscle on his chub and I guess started getting attention from women... Fell in love with some chick that he was JUST friends with and never even dated and obsessed over her for years (he's even said this is one reason he stayed single) until she finally got married.. Deployed a couple times and then I guess decided to start looking harder for a relationship.. He does have insecurity issues for sure, and told me he even wanted a girlfriend so bad that he got desperate..

 

He once told me "no offense, but you don't have the tightest pussy I've ever been with, but no the loosest either".... I said, "No, that doesn't offend me. You definitely don't have the biggest dick I have ever been with, but no the smallest either." and he got all quiet and looked hurt... Hahahahahaha...

[kiss_andmakeup]

He once told me "no offense, but you don't have the tightest pussy I've ever been with, but no the loosest either".... I said, "No, that doesn't offend me. You definitely don't have the biggest dick I have ever been with, but no the smallest either." and he got all quiet and looked hurt... Hahahahahaha...

 

How romantic. Jesus christ, please put this sad excuse for a relationship out of its misery.

[Locust]

Another case example where someone like myself who will treat a woman right is overlooked.

[ifonlyenough]

I seriously don't know what you see in this man, he's a nothing man. You (if that is you in your avatar) are incredibly attractive and you seem to have a modicum of intelligence, so use that intelligence and end things. If he is being verbally abusive now (criticising you and putting you down) who is to say he won't become physically abusive down the line?

 

Yes, that's me! Thank you!=) Haha, and funny you say this, because I have that as my facebook profile pic and he tell's me he doesn't like it and I need a new profile picture...

[ltjg45]

It's a shame someone who has such disrespect happens to be an Commissioned Military Officer.

 

How disturbing.

[ifonlyenough]

OP, we know there are good points. Everyone single human being on this planet probably has at least one good point and the type of person who can get a girlfriend definitely has multiple. He's at least charming and thoughtful enough to snag you. And I bet your mama didn't raise no fool.

 

You came here because of the bad points because you apparently have a problem that you desire help resolving. Do you have any specific questions?

 

The resounding answer to "should I leave him?" is overwhelmingly "throw the bum out today over the phone and don't take him back".

 

What most of the women on here would be surprised to find out is I have been there too. My ex was very sweet for about 3 months and then gradually turned into abusive alcoholic sexual addiction cheater who constantly put me down every chance she got and manipulated my insecurities and made me feel guilty about every single aspect of my life. She would say things like "lots of guys want me because I'm so hot but too bad no other girls want you, pathetic effeminate loser" and "you'll never find someone else who loves you as much as I do". She was violently anti-porn, but chose to have casual hookups from online sites and meeting random dudes around campus and at parties to validate her need to feel attractive. And she didn't like condoms, or sharing the fact that she was banging other dudes. It seemed like she would do more and more to see how much she can get away with. She liked keeping lots of backups in case she lost me. Well, when I finally broke up with her she kept calling and showed up at my door at 2AM and would leave gifts outside and keep crying and threatened suicide, and on and on....

 

Like you, I was in a new city and didn't want to be alone, didn't have many friends, felt deeply insecure, and had no sympathetic ear to turn to for advice. It felt like it was something to endure and get through and she'll change and we'll have a stronger bond when its over, but no. Life is not like that. She only got worse. I wish I had left her back when I first found out that she was such an excellent liar and had completely different values from me.

 

The fact that she had a Kim Kardashian body while I'm an average looking brown dude definitely skewed with my head in ways that she fully understood and used to her advantage. When she found out that I was a wimpy pussy, then she went to work wiping her feet on her much younger less experienced new doormat. That was a difficult lesson to learn the hard way. The true nature of her issues (alcoholism, sexual addiction, etc) had to be pointed out by other people who witnessed this behavior because I had blinders on. I truly thought I was never going to find someone this attractive or this sexually exciting ever again....and its bull****. Don't believe it. She had good points too.

 

The lovely ladies here who hate me for my arrogant bastard posts, the above is why. It's a defense mechanism to thwart the abusers early on and trick people into believing I'm strong and confident. I've got my armor up.

 

Learn from the mistakes of so many others here who are offering you sincere advice. Don't defend the good points anymore. Only decide if the bad points are a dealbreaker or not. Write it down if you have to. Ask real life friends/family/counselors if they have more credibility than random people online.

 

And leave the bum today. Don't wait. He needs a wake up call.

 

She SERIOUSLY SUCKED!!!!! I am actually usually pretty insecure with very good looking men so I tend to go with average looking men, because I figure they can make up for it with personality... People like her let stuff go to their heads and THAT is SO ugly!!!

[tbf]

At first' date=' he would make comments about other women's "hotness" and body parts in front of me... even pictures of my friends. I made it clear that I thought this was rude and disrespectful and he eventually stopped.[/quote']First nitpick from the OP.

 

I am his first girlfriend ever. (He is 26 and I am 29) Then he would make little comments about my weight and things like "how I could make my butt bigger". Keep in mind I am 5'5" and 118 and he is the one overweight at 6'3" and 248.

Boyfriend nitpicks her back.

 

Then, it comes out that he basically has a porn addiction and masterbates sometimes up to 5 times a day. After porn/sex addiction destroyed my first marriage, I have no tolerance for this, and I told him that up front. When stuff started popping up everywhere about nasty sites, he finally admitted it, but claimed he didn't recall me telling him. Then he starts bawling to me, saying he "doesn't want to loose me... and he will never do it again..blah blah blah.." So, I explain to him how much it destroyed me before. My ex husband constantly rejected me and put me down for porn. Then he brings it up himself to tell me he hasn't been doing it anymore, and wont do it to hurt me..

Second nitpick from the OP. Unless his masturbation is affecting their sex life, as in reducing their sex level, does it matter if he views porn?

 

After he made a comment about my weight in a recent picture, I got upset, and finally said, "I don't meet your standards do I?" and he say's "Well, no woman really does."... Uhhh... OKay!! So he reluctantly begins to basically describe a porn star to me in great detail... "long hair, tan skin, toned body, nice butt (about this big he says), boobs this size. height 5'2"-5'5", defined abs.... and on...

The OP asked for his opinion which he gave.

 

I was like "Really? No wonder you've been single".. and he just shrugged.

Then trashed him for providing his honest opinion.

 

I then was like, "Why the heck are you with me then if I don't meet your standards? He went on "I love you and I don't care about that anymore... blah blah"... Well then, why did you just tell me this and why do you keep tearing me down... The irony is that I'm actually pretty thin.

What was his response to your question of tearing you down?

 

Then I ask him about the porn, and he say's he has "glanced at it a few times." but that was it and he "only wanted to see if it would do anything for him, and it didn't really." I then asked him what a "few" meant to him and he said "somewhere around 5".. Uhh.. Ok... Then I tell him what a bunch of bs that he just told me.. "oh you just glanced at it?" "Give me a break" "Just own it". Then he tries a different approach by saying he did it because of me and how I made him feel... What? Now it was my fault... But couldn't tell me what it was that I did... I expected it not to be over, but why not just own it and be honest?

Then the OP tears him down over the porn.

 

I just couldn't handle it anymore. He never had even had more than a one night stand before me. I'm really scared of making a mistake and ending up with the wrong person again, and all I want in the world is to be loved and accepted for who I am. I don't want to feel like I'm not good enough or in competition or clearly compared with random objectified women online.

This is the OP's baggage, where the past is affecting their relationship.

 

Is it time to move on?

Yes. You don't respect or accept him at all.

 

All of this combined with the fact that he is a super huge mama's boy... (He even told me how she bawled to him when he told her he was seeing someone..omg)..

Another tear down of him but at least it's not to his face, like the other times.

 

I would rather break ties as soon as possible then be with someone who I'm never going to be enough for... Any advice is great.

Yes, break up with him since he'll never be good enough for you.

[dasein]

He never had even had more than a one night stand before me.

 

He once told me "no offense, but you don't have the tightest pussy I've ever been with, but no the loosest either".... I said, "No, that doesn't offend me. You definitely don't have the biggest dick I have ever been with, but no the smallest either." and he got all quiet and looked hurt... Hahahahahaha...

 

So where's he finding all these tight pussy women to have ONS with?

 

I assume the fart, dutch oven and sitting on the toilet barriers have been breached as well.

 

I had a moderately LTR who would make these kinds of comments "my ex was bigger than you but his dick was crooked" on a regular basis. "If George Clooney wanted to f-ck me I'd do it no matter if we were married."

 

She wasn't being serious, and my responses, "I was wondering why your pussy was crooked," and "Do send pictures," weren't either. Are you entirely sure this isn't some lopsided attempt at humor or banter on his part?

[ltjg45]

Second nitpick from the OP. Unless his masturbation is affecting their sex life, as in reducing their sex level, does it matter if he views porn?

 

Actually, yes it does.

 

If you are being sexually satisfied by your partner, why the hell would you need to jerk off to porn?

 

He jerking off to porn means he is not satisfied at all. If he was, he wouldn't be doing this.

 

That means that she isn't good enough. I don't blame the OP not one bit for bringing up that issue.

 

It did destroy her last marriage, after all.

[tbf]

My comments aren't to tear down the OP. They're to show that it takes two to create a dynamic that's detrimental to healthy and lasting relationships.

[ifonlyenough]

First nitpick from the OP.

 

Boyfriend nitpicks her back.

 

Second nitpick from the OP. Unless his masturbation is affecting their sex life, as in reducing their sex level, does it matter if he views porn?

 

The OP asked for his opinion which he gave.

 

Then trashed him for providing his honest opinion.

 

What was his response to your question of tearing you down?

 

Then the OP tears him down over the porn.

 

This is the OP's baggage, where the past is affecting their relationship.

 

Yes. You don't respect or accept him at all.

 

Another tear down of him but at least it's not to his face, like the other times.

 

Yes, break up with him since he'll never be good enough for you.

 

You're hilarious.. Keep upping the ante until you get the response and the stir in the crowd you are looking for....