My ex contacted, wants to talk, and I'm not sure what to think...

[soverynewtothis]

I've been debating whether or not to post, but I'm just so confused and could use the feedback.

 

I am 2 weeks post BU after over 2 years together. I was very shocked, but now I am thinking there may have been signs. I don't know, I may be overthinking things. He ended things because he didn't know if we shared the same goals in the long term and he was having trouble with the distance (he has been 5 hours away in a grad program for the last 6 months).

 

I recognize that we had some issues. Our communication and intimacy had been lacking. He can be pretty selfish. I kinda lost myself in the relationship--I now recognize that I was so focused on his happiness that I lost sight of mine. But I have felt since it happened that he was just confused and overwhelmed with school and moving across the country for an internship which would eventually lead to a full time job. The first night of the BU, I felt like he was trying to convince himself that he was making the right decision. When he called back the next night to end it for good, he said he was probably going to regret this in 3 weeks but he had to make a decision and he still wasn't convinced he was making the right one. I ended the conversation by saying I wanted him to be happy and that I was proud of him and his future. I asked him for my stuff back, told him I'd mail him his, and said I wish we could be friends but we can't. I think he was a little shocked. I went NC after that.

 

The next day he contacted my friend and her fiancé to let them know and thank them for being there for me through this. And the day after that, Valentine's day, I got the flowers he had previously ordered. The card was weird. I posted about this previously. Basically, he updated his original message (which was along the lines of I love you and I can't wait to be with you in Houston--the plan was that I would go with him once he graduated grad school and got a job) to read "p.s. I'm sorry". I remained in no contact.

 

A week later he texted me and said he couldn't stand not talking to me. When I didn't respond after an hour or so, he texted back and apologized for contacting me, said he wouldn't again, that he would return my stuff and that he couldn't put me through anymore heartache. I responded to that to say that this was killing me, but I didn't know what to say because I couldn't help him get over me and move on. He then responded that this doesn't make sense, that I must be so confused and that he thinks about me all the time. I responded and said yes I'm confused, no this doesn't make sense, but that we did have some issues. He then asked if he could meet with me next week (he'll be back in town for break). I said it was probably a bad idea, but I was open to it, but that we should take the next week and really think about things. He said ok, he'd understand if I changed my mind, and that he feels we really didn't have a chance to discuss this.

 

I've been NC since then, but I am going out of my mind. I keep thinking about what he wants to talk about, if he just wants to rehash what went wrong, or if he thinks there is a chance for reconciliation. I go back and forth between wanting to contact him to get clarification on what he intends to get out of the talk and wanting to stay NC because knowing what he wants doesn't really help me figure things out for myself. I've been really thinking about what I want, what makes me happy, what I need from a relationship, and if he can fulfill those things. I keep coming to the conclusion that I want to be with him, as long as we are both willing to work on our issues.

 

I know I'll be ok either way-- it will hurt so bad if it's just a rehash of the BU, but I lived through it once and I can do it again. I also know that i am not the same person i was 2 weeks ago--I'm stronger than i thought i was and recognize that I need to find my self. It was easier for me when I didn't have hope and I could only think about moving on and what I wanted. Now all I think about is moving on, what I want and how I want to be with him.

 

I'm not dillusioned into thinking that we will get back together and work everything out next week. I guess I'm just asking if I should have hope, if there is the possibility of a second chance? Or if I should prepare for the worst?

[iouaname]

The situation sounds extremely similar to mine, and I can only say that for me, when my ex contacted me and "wanted to talk" it was only ever so that he could explain his decision, not change it. I think that he didn't want to feel bad about what he had done, didn't want me to think badly of him, and wanted to keep me in his life as a 'friend.'

[destroyed4sho]

yep, everything that iouuaname said......

 

Before you agree to meet with him ask him "what is making you want to meet with me?"

 

If his answer does not point to reconciliation...there is no point.