SuperSad09 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I am having a rough day. ALL I want to do and all I can think about is reaching out to him. I have already posted some of this on here, but just would like some feedback about what some of you would do in this situation. We have been back and fourth since APRIL (I know, I know) and I finally started NC in January (with lots of bumps). I most recently told him I blocked his email (I didn't really) and I have blocked ALL other forms of contact (FB, cell, etc) He writes me this: "First of all you did not want to marry me. I'm not jerking you around and look back on how you treated me. I don't make plans and cancel that you. You put everybody first. I canceled maybe four times. Sorry and every time I see you making love to you is not all I want to do.i miss you and want to see you and I want something to work but I just don't know how a relationship could work with out trying to talk first. I feel if we see each other you will bring up the past and we will start fighting again. I don't want that. How can we move on?" Trouble is he has said similiar things in the past and then as soon as I write back or make plans with him his sense of urgency changes. He flakes, cancels, etc. I have also told him the only way I want to see/talk to him is if it's to begin to reconcile...NOT to be friends. Whenever I say this he usually doesn't respond for a few weeks. Even in the above message he says he wants "something" to work. If he wants "something" to work why can't he say that he is willing to talk about things? He wrote this over a week ago now. Nothing since. Thoughts? What would you do?? What would you do?
MushyPeas Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I made a post earlier about feelings I'm having that are extremely similar, as in all I want to do is reach out. I think your situation allows for reconciliation because you seem to both want that, however I think it's important that this comes from his end as you said, he cancels and flakes out on you everytime you show him that you're willing to meet up or whatever. It'll be so hard, not gonna lie, to not contact him or reach out to him, but you'll feel the benefits if you stick to this, if he contacts you and makes plans you know it's because he wants to and it wasn't you making all the effort. It seems as though he's tired of talking through things? (this happened with my relationship, we simply did too much talking and not enough actual moving on from our issues). What do you actually want? And what are you willing to do, not for him or to save the relationship, but what would make you happy and keep you in your comfort zone, because if you can't meet up without needing to go over things that have probably already been talked about over and over, then maybe you do need more time to process these thoughts by yourself. 1
Author SuperSad09 Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Thanks for writing back. I will try and find your post and read through it as well. I know it seems like he wants to reconcile, but part of me feelsl like if he REALLY did he would try harder. I am not proud of this, but I have been pathetic and begged and told him everything he has ever even dreamed of hearing. So, to only get this is frusterating. Weird thing is we haven't really talked about anything! I haven't seen him since early December and really haven't talked to him since either. UGH. I don't know what to do. I feel like for this work he would need to make a grand gesture. All he has done is emailed me a few times. I have driven to his house, written letters, told him I would do anything to make this work asked for second chances etc. I am afraid if I respond to this, he will disappear again and it will break my heart once more. I am going to try and stay no contact. I think if he really wanted this he could do more...
MushyPeas Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 You are right, he would do more, but then again maybe you'll never be satisfied with whatever he does and maybe he's not actually capable of doing much more than he has for whatever reasons. Oh girlie, everyone is guilty of begging and pleading, it just shows how much something means to you and how far you are willing to put your neck out, you need to protect yourself now. He knows how you feel because you've made that plenty clear. You've highlighted something here too, you know what you're doing to yourself, you are hurting yourself because you know that if you contact him it could go badly again and break your heart, so stop that situation from happening before it does! I've come to terms (in a small way) with the negatives that caused my relationship to break down, I can see where I went wrong and I'd give anything to go back and be able to just forget the issues and not bring them up repeatedly, do some soul searching and figure out what you need and what getting back together would mean and equally what not getting back together might do for you 1
Author SuperSad09 Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Thank you Mushy Peas. I hope for both of us, that these days are behind us sooner than later. What I wouldn't give to feel indifference towards him!!
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