worldgonewrong Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 (Sidebar: when I look at xxoo's avatar, I keep thinking of "interesting monsters" and "Now let's dip our patties in the water".) 1
dichotomy Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 (Sidebar: when I look at xxoo's avatar, I keep thinking of "interesting monsters" and "Now let's dip our patties in the water".) Yep, but Your comment and your avatar are showing your age. 1
amaysngrace Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 If marriage killed sex then why do people have more than one child? 2
Author Mr. Lucky Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 If marriage killed sex then why do people have more than one child? Pregnancies and having children have little to do with sex in this context. When my middle son was born at 31 weeks, neonatal issues kept him in the hospital for 5 1/2 months. We had sex (a quickie!) once in that entire period and got pregnant with our third child. To this day, my wife refers to it as a semi-immaculate conception. So, no "sex" but still kids... Mr. Lucky
Nyla Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 ;-) Well...I'm a new mom so I don't quite have the parenting thing down yet. But, I try really hard. I'm also very lucky because my son is a *very* tolerant and laid back little dude PLUS he sleeps through the night about 90% of the time, so when he does cry I know there's some kind of issue. My husband also helps me out and we try to work together to solve problems. I will say that one thing I never thought I'd have to do, but do, is schedule time for sex. My husband jokes about it, but in order to keep the house the way we want it and be able to eat in pretty much every night to keep costs down, we have to make a chore list and a sex schedule to make sure that all needs are being met. I'm actually pretty embarrased to admit that, but hey, whatever works and makes things smooth. edit: You *do* have to make sex a priority intellectually sometimes. Being a new parent, sometimes the knowledge that you need to have that joining of body and soul is different then actually physically having the desire. Facing facts, I work full time. I have a baby. I have the dogs. I have a husband. etc etc. Always something to do. Sometimes, I do have to be reminded that I have needs too!!!!! These kinds of difficulties are some of the main reasons my husband and I are not having children. We love how much more free and spontaneous our sex life can be than a couple with young children. I once read that the honeymoon period ends once a couple becomes parents. If that is true, my husband and I will be on permanent honeymoon-AWESOMESAUCE. :bunny:
worldgonewrong Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Yep, but Your comment and your avatar are showing your age. and I'm totally comfortable with that! 3
carhill Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Does Marriage Ruin Sex? I only have been married once so have one anecdote; I feel marriage improved sex. It became more spontaneous; condoms disappeared, heightening my pleasure, as well as spontaneity, and the joy of trying to become pregnant. The marriage didn't work out but I still have positive feelings about the transition from pre-marital to marital lovemaking. I really don't have any complaints about sex as a married man (past tense). YMMV. 5
angie2443 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Resentment kills love. When one partner feels constant resentment towards another and the love starts to die, they often don't want to be physically close to their partners. this is what I've seen played out on LS on so many of the "sexless marriage" threads and what I've seen IRL. I think so many don't want to acknowledge this because it means having to look at the behaviors and/or attitudes that caused the resentment in the first place. It's much easiar to assume that the sex left because of laziness or something simple like that. I'm not saying that laziness doesn't ever happen. I've simply seen many, many more cases where it was resentment and it's causes that destroyed the love, then the sex, in marriages (and long term relationships). 4
tbf Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Resentment kills love. When one partner feels constant resentment towards another and the love starts to die, they often don't want to be physically close to their partners. this is what I've seen played out on LS on so many of the "sexless marriage" threads and what I've seen IRL. I think so many don't want to acknowledge this because it means having to look at the behaviors and/or attitudes that caused the resentment in the first place. It's much easiar to assume that the sex left because of laziness or something simple like that. I'm not saying that laziness doesn't ever happen. I've simply seen many, many more cases where it was resentment and it's causes that destroyed the love, then the sex, in marriages (and long term relationships).Ever notice how sex tends to die in marriages where one partner's really domineering (which differs from dominant)? 2
angie2443 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Ever notice how sex tends to die in marriages where one partner's really domineering (which differs from dominant)? Yes. The interesting thing is, these partners who are domineering often don't seem to understand what happened when their relationship starts falling apart. 2
tbf Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Yes. The interesting thing is, these partners who are domineering often don't seem to understand what happened when their relationship starts falling apart.Oh yes. I once wrote a thread about the control/resentment dynamics of sexless marriages and boy, did sexless marriage members come after me with pitchforks raised!
florence of suburbia Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 That's funny, I'm reading a book by Alain de Botton at the moment! And I agree with what he's written in the article you quoted. There's nothing that erodes eroticism like watching someone floss his teeth or having to ask him to change a diaper.
giotto Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Pregnancies and having children have little to do with sex in this context. When my middle son was born at 31 weeks, neonatal issues kept him in the hospital for 5 1/2 months. We had sex (a quickie!) once in that entire period and got pregnant with our third child. To this day, my wife refers to it as a semi-immaculate conception. So, no "sex" but still kids... Mr. Lucky when my friends refer to me as "the Italian stallion" for having 4 kids, I usually reply we've only had sex 4 times.... 1
Author Mr. Lucky Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 when my friends refer to me as "the Italian stallion" for having 4 kids, I usually reply we've only had sex 4 times.... True that. My wife is so fertile I hesitate to hold hands when she's ovulating... Mr. Lucky 2
xxoo Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 That's funny, I'm reading a book by Alain de Botton at the moment! And I agree with what he's written in the article you quoted. There's nothing that erodes eroticism like watching someone floss his teeth or having to ask him to change a diaper. But the loss of sexual interest is so often one-sided. Why aren't these mundane responsibilities eroding eroticism for the other? when my friends refer to me as "the Italian stallion" for having 4 kids, I usually reply we've only had sex 4 times.... I think that makes you the British Stallion
KathyM Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Marital sex is what you make of it. If you neglect it, take it for granted, do the same old same old, and let it become unfulfilling and monotanous, then the couple has only themselves to blame, not the institution of marriage. Marital sex can be the most fulfilling than any other relationship because it is with someone you love and trust, someone you know so well and know how to please, and someone you don't have any fears or insecurities about. In marital sex, you are only limited by your lack of imagination and lack of effort. If you put forth the effort and creativity, marital sex can be the most amazing thing. 2
GorillaTheater Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 True that. My wife is so fertile I hesitate to hold hands when she's ovulating... Mr. Lucky A sideways glance at my wife seemed pretty risky.
giotto Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 True that. My wife is so fertile I hesitate to hold hands when she's ovulating... Mr. Lucky ah, ah, lol, I can so relate to that!
adelia Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 No people ruin sex. Marriage sex can be beautiful and satisfying but both have to want it and work at it. Sex is kinda like religion you need to be compatible 4
Author Mr. Lucky Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Sex is kinda like religion you need to be compatible That explains it. I'm a true believer, my exW was a sexual atheist... Mr. Lucky 2
Clockwork Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 I've been with my wife for almost 7 years. Married for 5 of them. The first time we made out was amazing. Eventually it led to sex. There was a time when she was my girlfriend that we had sex 17 days in a row in the summer. That only happened once and I was tired. But it was fun. However, when we got married we kept having sex at the same pace. If anything getting more comfortable with each other meant that we were more used to each other and not tense or afraid to try new things. We have always kept the passion going. The amount of times we have sex a week has always been about 3-4 times. Then she got pregnant and we kept having tons of sex while she was pregnant which I think was the best sex of my life (no pressure, no pulling out). We had sex a day before she went in labour. Then our son was born and in general they say to wait a month before having sex again or whenever the woman isn't sore down there anymore. I was after my wife after 4 days. She couldn't do anything but one day two weeks after the baby was born I came home from work. The baby was sleeping and she was sitting on the couch wearing this orange tank top that I always liked. I sat down and she sort of gave me this look. Next thing you know we went upstairs and that was a couple years ago. We still have sex at least three times a week. You adjust your schedule with a kid, you have to. I always find ways to spice things up and it never gets boring. So I don't know if that answers your question or not. Does my sex life sound boring to you? 2
florence of suburbia Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 (edited) But the loss of sexual interest is so often one-sided. Why aren't these mundane responsibilities eroding eroticism for the other? Um...coz everyone is different and sexual attraction is about the most personal thing in the universe. Edited March 2, 2013 by florence of suburbia
xxoo Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Um...coz everyone is different and sexual attraction is about the most personal thing in the universe. Yes! And that's why I disagree with the article.
dichotomy Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I've been with my wife for almost 7 years. Married for 5 of them. The first time we made out was amazing. Eventually it led to sex. There was a time when she was my girlfriend that we had sex 17 days in a row in the summer. That only happened once and I was tired. But it was fun. However, when we got married we kept having sex at the same pace. If anything getting more comfortable with each other meant that we were more used to each other and not tense or afraid to try new things. We have always kept the passion going. The amount of times we have sex a week has always been about 3-4 times. Then she got pregnant and we kept having tons of sex while she was pregnant which I think was the best sex of my life (no pressure, no pulling out). We had sex a day before she went in labour. Then our son was born and in general they say to wait a month before having sex again or whenever the woman isn't sore down there anymore. I was after my wife after 4 days. She couldn't do anything but one day two weeks after the baby was born I came home from work. The baby was sleeping and she was sitting on the couch wearing this orange tank top that I always liked. I sat down and she sort of gave me this look. Next thing you know we went upstairs and that was a couple years ago. We still have sex at least three times a week. You adjust your schedule with a kid, you have to. I always find ways to spice things up and it never gets boring. So I don't know if that answers your question or not. Does my sex life sound boring to you? Wow ! You are blessed with a great marriage and wife. Best wishes for this to continue forever. 1
Author Mr. Lucky Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 But the loss of sexual interest is so often one-sided. Why aren't these mundane responsibilities eroding eroticism for the other? There's a difference between eroticism and drive and the two are also perceived differently by both partners. The majority of low-sex posters are men, also the gender more ruled by sex drive. The gap between need and desire has been the real story behind many of the threads here... Mr. Lucky
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