Doesn't it mean......?

[Norma]

If a man cheats on his girlfriend or wife doesn't it mean that there is a problem with his relationship or else he wouldn't have needed to cheat?

 

How can you tell if your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you? What are the signs to look for?

 

I have a suspicion that my boyfriend is doing something behind my back because he doesn't always stay with me in our appartment. His job has odd hours and I used to think he was just working overtime, but lately he's been telling me he has had to go and help his elderly father who has been having problems lately. I believe this, but something just feels odd.

 

Like, the other day his cell phone rang when we were having dinner, and he sounded like he was making something up about getting the work done the next day. It sounded like I heard a female voice in the distance yellling, but he responded like it was a business call and then hung up. Then the phone rang again and he didn't answer it, telling me he was tired of clients calling him during private hours.

 

I asked him why it sounded like a woman yelling on the other end, and he laughed and told me it was one of his collegues from work who had had a bad day.

 

What should I do? How can I find out he is telling me the truth? It really upsets me that whenever I offer to come with him to see his father, he tells me it is not necessary, but he must be hiding something, don't you think?

[Tony T]

1. If a man cheats on his girlfriend or wife doesn't it mean that there is a problem with his relationship or else he wouldn't have needed to cheat?

 

Not necessarilly. He could be very happy with the relationship but just wanting something strange now and then...nothing personal. A prolonged affair, however, is definitely a sign of a problem. Nobody NEEDS to cheat. Some people do it because the opportunity presents itself and they have no conscience or sense of loyalty. Some people do it simply out of curiosity. But, yes, there are people who cheat because of problems in their relationship.

 

In any case and in my own personal opinion, there is no good reason to cheat. If a person feels the need to betray a partner, they should officially break up and move on.

 

2. How can you tell if your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you? What are the signs to look for?

 

Well, I think you have seen some signs already. A dramatic change in work schedule, sudden increase in overtime work, unanswered phone calls, the need to leave home suddenly for work emergencies, improved attention to personal appearance, tightening of available money for entertainment, etc. If this dude lives with you in your apartment but stays away a lot, you got problems, dear!!! All of the signs are pretty easilly recognizable.

 

3. What should I do? How can I find out he is telling me the truth?

 

You could ride over to his father's and see if his car is there, for starters. You could call his father's when he says he's there and ask for him. If you really want to get nasty, you can review his cell phone bill and trace the numbers of frequent incoming calls. The best thing to do is hire a good private detective. They usually charge about $45 per hour but this case should be easilly cracked in less than 8 hours, or less than $360.

 

4. It really upsets me that whenever I offer to come with him to see his father, he tells me it is not necessary, but he must be hiding something, don't you think?

 

He could be hiding something, but he may be correct in telling you it is not necessary. You should tell him you love him and want to help him with his dad and insist on going along. If he still protests, then say OK and follow the directions listed after question #3.

 

In my own personal opinion, the fact that you have deep suspicions is an indication of very serious problems with trust and, therefore, with the relationship. I urge you to resolve this as quickly as possible.

 

If you continue to feel as though he is cheating but you can't confirm it for some reason, then review your feelings and what you are getting out of the relationship and go with your gut on what to do from there.

 

You can never go wrong when you go with your gut feelings.

[Deejette]

In a very kind way, come right out and tell him how insecure his new behavior is making you feel about his fidelilty to your relationship. It sounds suspicious to me too and it is best to get it right out in the open, than be shocked down the line if he leaves or even brings home a new disease.

 

If he is innocent, you can then tell him that you will work on your feelings and trust him more. But if he comes back with defensive anger and storms out, acting like it's all your problem, then you should look into snooping a little to see what really is going on with those phone calls and the time away from home.

1. If a man cheats on his girlfriend or wife doesn't it mean that there is a problem with his relationship or else he wouldn't have needed to cheat? Not necessarilly. He could be very happy with the relationship but just wanting something strange now and then...nothing personal. A prolonged affair, however, is definitely a sign of a problem. Nobody NEEDS to cheat. Some people do it because the opportunity presents itself and they have no conscience or sense of loyalty. Some people do it simply out of curiosity. But, yes, there are people who cheat because of problems in their relationship. In any case and in my own personal opinion, there is no good reason to cheat. If a person feels the need to betray a partner, they should officially break up and move on. 2. How can you tell if your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you? What are the signs to look for? Well, I think you have seen some signs already. A dramatic change in work schedule, sudden increase in overtime work, unanswered phone calls, the need to leave home suddenly for work emergencies, improved attention to personal appearance, tightening of available money for entertainment, etc. If this dude lives with you in your apartment but stays away a lot, you got problems, dear!!! All of the signs are pretty easilly recognizable.

 

3. What should I do? How can I find out he is telling me the truth? You could ride over to his father's and see if his car is there, for starters. You could call his father's when he says he's there and ask for him. If you really want to get nasty, you can review his cell phone bill and trace the numbers of frequent incoming calls. The best thing to do is hire a good private detective. They usually charge about $45 per hour but this case should be easilly cracked in less than 8 hours, or less than $360. 4. It really upsets me that whenever I offer to come with him to see his father, he tells me it is not necessary, but he must be hiding something, don't you think? He could be hiding something, but he may be correct in telling you it is not necessary. You should tell him you love him and want to help him with his dad and insist on going along. If he still protests, then say OK and follow the directions listed after question #3. In my own personal opinion, the fact that you have deep suspicions is an indication of very serious problems with trust and, therefore, with the relationship. I urge you to resolve this as quickly as possible. If you continue to feel as though he is cheating but you can't confirm it for some reason, then review your feelings and what you are getting out of the relationship and go with your gut on what to do from there. You can never go wrong when you go with your gut feelings.