realtree Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I have been dating this guy for years and as of lately I do not know if we should be together anymore! I used to not be able to bare the thought of a break up, but now I am not sure if our relationship is even worth the trouble. I do not know if it is normal to feel so lost at this point in our relationship, I just really need help. I have suffered from depression in the past and I don't know if its me being depressed causing this uncertainty or if it is our relationship. He has been smoking pot a lot and I do not like it. He has a medical card, but honestly i don't think he needs it. I have vocalized this but he is so defensive and has slowed down, but whenever I smell it, I get enraged!!! I do not know if we should work on our relationship or call it quits. Is it me or us? Am I just falling out of love with him? Or is it my depression?
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 It's you...trying to make something work that isn't. Unfortunately due to your depression and overall unhappiness it seems you may be too dependent on this relationship even though you're not fully satisfied nor seem to be happy with your partners lifestyle habit. He doesn't have to change his habit for you, nor is he obligated to feel a certain way towards you that he does not. I realize that this may in fact make you more depressed but you can't place your happiness on the acceptance of another man, no man is capable of replacing what you cannot within yourself. And you cannot expect to change someone else. The best course of action is to disengage from this relationship and try to be more independent and work on the tough things that trigger your depression and/or take meds, whatever it takes, seek counseling, sit on a rock overlooking a canyon (just don't jump), etc... You've got to invest in yourself than you are willing to in your relationship or this dating thing you're doing, or this cycle will just continue and you'll feel more and more self-defeated and your whole life is going to hell. I've seen many women perpetuate their unhappiness by continuing to try and make things work that simply do not....they're always trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. You don't know when enough is enough and even when you do you stay anyway, and then you self-loathe and feel sorry for yourself and make these miracle wishes and have these faiths that maybe some magical fairy will come down and fix everything. The fact of the matter is this guy is stringing you along, for years. And he'll continue to do so without giving you what you want. You're more than likely the one putting in all the effort and holding this together, if you left then it would just be over. But you've got to build up the strength to accomplish that, nobody can tell you enough about what you already know, you already know you've got to move on. IMO there's nothing to work on here, how you rationalize that I'm sure makes absolutely no coherent sense.
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