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Posted

i am going through a period of depression which has now lasted over a year, and i think was probably triggered by my dropping out of university, losing my job and just smoking weed all day for a long time.

it started whilst i was with my last boyfriend, who essentially dumped me because he couldn't cope with it. i wanted to be able to talk to him about what i was going through and he didn't want to hear about it so i began to feel very alone and insecure and i was constantly trying to reach out to him and constantly being rejected by him. i strongly resented him for the way he was ignoring me, but for some reason i was also terrified of losing him. eventually he got completely fed up with me and ended the relationship. i then hit rock bottom, became hopelessly depressed and suicidal and it took me a long time to recover from that. i am still not happy again, i still feel like a worthless piece of **** some days, but i am at least functioning like a human being again.

i now have a new boyfriend, who is wonderful. he knows about what i'm going through and has been incredibly supportive. i want to write a bunch of reasons why i adore him so much, but that's not really the point of this post. suffice to say that when we're together i feel great about myself and i simply don't feel depressed, at all. i just feel like my old self. but i still find it incredibly difficult to be by myself and when it's time for him to leave i get scared and beg him not to. now i'm afraid it's just the same dependency that ruined my last relationship resurfacing. but now i have someone who genuinely cares about me maybe it won't turn out the same way? i'm really worried about this. i want to talk to my boyfriend about it but firstly i don't feel like it's fair to talk about my previous relationship to him (and so how do explain to him where this insecurity is coming from?) and secondly i'm still afraid that reaching out to someone will eventually drive them away.

 

summary: is it even possible to be a good girlfriend when you feel this sad all the time?

Posted

I have also suffered from depression. Yes it does have an affect on relationships, but relationships can also help with depression. I am not suggesting putting all your happiness on one person, I am suggesting that you do not isolate yourself from people. You can always go to counseling and find coping ideas for your depression, but I would suggest that you do not let it hold you back. You deserve a relationship where you can be yourself and be happy.

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