mutant Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 You'll always make your ex regret cheating/leaving you more if you leave on a high note. Of course you should let them know how much they hurt you and all of that but there's no need to attempt to belittle them by cursing them out. Leaving the cheater for good without them seeing/hearing from you again is a far worse punishment that they'll have to learn from. Now of course if you don't care at all about what your ex thinks of you after the relationship then by all means tear them a new one if it's gonna help you move on. Just know you're most likely gonna help the cheater justify his or her actions in the process. If you can act civil at the end of your relationship even when cheated on then fine. But if you uncontrollably succumb to the exploding geysers of anger in your blood ( especially after being nothing but great to your cheating ex) then you should walk with your head high and with nothing to regret. There is NO rational reason why you should consider your EXs feelings after being cheated on. 2
cavalier99 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 (edited) I think it is GREAT you told her off. I did the same and don't regret it at all. I mean I'm sure it seemed pitiful to her but ..WHO CARES..they don't mean anything anymore..so for me it solidified the fact i was going NC hardcore. There was no going back after the nuclear bombs i dropped. So i do believe it was a type of closure for you. NOW. NEVER EVER BREAK NC.. Good job! Rock on! Cav CAUTION: I told her the f off forever very soon after the BU. NEVER do this weeks out after a lot of NC just seems crazy. Edited February 26, 2013 by cavalier99 1
cavalier99 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 If you can act civil at the end of your relationship even when cheated on then fine. But if you uncontrollably succumb to the exploding geysers of anger in your blood ( especially after being nothing but great to your cheating ex) then you should walk with your head high and with nothing to regret. There is NO rational reason why you should consider your EXs feelings after being cheated on. ; Ill probably do this next time if needed. Nonetheless i didn't feel bad about going off on her. But by that point i had lost my self respect in the prior weeks so in a weird way it was a way of regaining it some self esteem back.
Author purplereigncb Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 I've been the bigger person way too long. It didn't do much for me. like someone here said, they'll walk all over you. I just finished deleting some pictures. I would have never gotten the courage to delete them before this incident. 2
Author purplereigncb Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 One of the reasons I started posting is too vent. I think LS is a gift to dumpees. I like the traditional forum setup. I used to go on car forums so I'm familiar. I've gone back to read old threads, and have said I wrote that??... I wish to look back on this one day and say the same.
mutant Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 ; Ill probably do this next time if needed. Nonetheless i didn't feel bad about going off on her. But by that point i had lost my self respect in the prior weeks so in a weird way it was a way of regaining it some self esteem back. All I did was tell my ex " if you have decided to be with him, then fine; you have now made your decision and I have no intention of challenging it. Have a nice life" I then immediately sent her this text message "Thank you for the closure and yes i'll be your friend". Prior to that, We had arranged for a weekend out in an amazing park only for her to postpone it so that she can spend "quality time" (possibly bang?) with her new man. not to mention she ignored my calls the entire weekend only to pick up on Monday basically to explain that she had "found" a new man. I feel I should have tore into her and let her know what a bitch she had been.
cavalier99 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 All I did was tell my ex " if you have decided to be with him, then fine; you have now made your decision and I have no intention of challenging it. Have a nice life" I then immediately sent her this text message "Thank you for the closure and yes i'll be your friend". Prior to that, We had arranged for a weekend out in an amazing park only for her to postpone it so that she can spend "quality time" (possibly bang?) with her new man. not to mention she ignored my calls the entire weekend only to pick up on Monday basically to explain that she had "found" a new man. I feel I should have tore into her and let her know what a bitch she had been. I think it was fine except for the friend part. I think most of us are too nice during the BU because we are in shock. Ill defiantly never be a doormat again like i did prior to going off on her. Id just walk without a word.
mutant Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I've been the bigger person way too long. It didn't do much for me. like someone here said, they'll walk all over you. I just finished deleting some pictures. I would have never gotten the courage to delete them before this incident. Now its time to block her out of your life..on every social network, email client and phone number that you own. The only thing that she needs to hear from you is Absolute, utter, resounding silence. 2
Author purplereigncb Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 Before today's incident I had basically put myself in the friendzone. I told her I'd contact her when I could be friends with her because i still cared about her. I also told her I wanted another chance. Basically spoon fed her ego. She gets to keep me in the backburner, fool around with the new guy figure out she maybe wants him while knowing I was going to wait for her. At least now she knows for a fact I don't want her. That's what I told her. Before I just wanted her to know I'd wait. I cared too much to take those final steps. All I've been doing is working on myself to get her back. Forgive my ignorance. My heart is broken. I've known no other love. I never put myself in the position to love someone else. I feel like a sucker who got taken for in Vegas.
mutant Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I think it was fine except for the friend part. I think most of us are too nice during the BU because we are in shock. Ill defiantly never be a doormat again like i did prior to going off on her. Id just walk without a word. I came here on LS and learnt that you CAN'T be friends with an EX immediately after BU. I then went complete NC without giving her any explanation whatsoever. Since then she has been trying to contact me without success and I intend to carry on with NC. I feel like a pussy for not letting my true feelings known and i certainly don't intend to suppress these feelings in future. Do you think that you would have felt better had you walked away without a word? wouldn't you feel like you should have said something?
marklarsson Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I came here on LS and learnt that you CAN'T be friends with an EX immediately after BU. I then went complete NC without giving her any explanation whatsoever. Since then she has been trying to contact me without success and I intend to carry on with NC. I feel like a pussy for not letting my true feelings known and i certainly don't intend to suppress these feelings in future. Do you think that you would have felt better had you walked away without a word? wouldn't you feel like you should have said something? i felt i had to be nice after we broke up because prior to our break up i was very snappy with her and not really myself because i was depressed. i didn't want to react angrily even though the way she reacted at times did anger me. in this situation is it justified?
cavalier99 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I came here on LS and learnt that you CAN'T be friends with an EX immediately after BU. I then went complete NC without giving her any explanation whatsoever. Since then she has been trying to contact me without success and I intend to carry on with NC. I feel like a pussy for not letting my true feelings known and i certainly don't intend to suppress these feelings in future. Do you think that you would have felt better had you walked away without a word? wouldn't you feel like you should have said something? Hmm well here is the thing. My BU was protracted over like 3 weeks. There was also a new guy who came into the scene and she insisted it was just friends. I let my self be strung along for 3 week and then when she said she wanted to BU i begged for 1 more week which she agreed to. I really regret that begging and putting up with BS for 3 weeks. So i knew something was up and was complicit in it. If had a redo i would have called her on her BS and told her to f*off at many points during those 3 weeks then walked. So it is tough to say. I like the idea of maybe a few words then walking. This is my biggest regret not leaving sooner. I don't even replay us staying together just a BU without loosing my self respect.
Author purplereigncb Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 Burning bridges in my case is a good thing. She'd be crazy to come back to me.
Author purplereigncb Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 I haven't cried, or felt sad. Is it because it's been almost a month of NC before today? I cried my butt off on SAT. I still had tons of guilt. I feel like a burden's been lift off my shoulders, like I had to become mr. perfect. Don't get me wrong I'm still going to work on myself, but not to impress her back. To prove to myself I can be better. 3
mutant Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I haven't cried, or felt sad. Is it because it's been almost a month of NC before today? I cried my butt off on SAT. I still had tons of guilt. I feel like a burden's been lift off my shoulders, like I had to become mr. perfect. Don't get me wrong I'm still going to work on myself, but not to impress her back. To prove to myself I can be better. Similarly I felt relieved when my relationship came to an end because it was quite unhealthy. Of course I had to endure an emotional roller coaster thereafter which lasted for seven months because I allowed myself to be strung along. Working on yourself is the best strategy at this point especially after you have identified the errors you made in your former relationship. Improving yourself will also enable you attract the right kind of partner in future. After my BU I enrolled for a masters program and took up new roles at work. This has helped me move forward and regain my self confidence. I didn't do this to impress anyone, in fact my ex does not know about this as she still remains in the dark. I gave her exactly what she demanded- me leaving her life. actually her decision to breakup with me propelled me to greater things which I couldn't have achieved had I remained in the relationship. Funny that I am enjoying the benefits of her decision and actions . Get on that NC horse and work on yourself. I am rooting for you! 1
mutant Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 If had a redo i would have called her on her BS and told her to f*off at many points during those 3 weeks then walked. I allowed myself to be strung along for 7 freaking months. At the time my thinking was if an event X happened then everything would be OK and would convince her to get back with me. I went ahead and tried a few initiatives; the most outstanding of them all involved setting up a real-estate marketing company where we would both work together (she was struggling with her job at the time). We even got to talk about our future and that of the company during that time *ouch*. This probably is the dumbest thing I have ever done because she left immediately the start-up started struggling. For me I can't count the number of times I would have told her to f-off for her BS especially the moment I realized that Don Juan was sniffing around. 2
cavalier99 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I allowed myself to be strung along for 7 freaking months. At the time my thinking was if an event X happened then everything would be OK and would convince her to get back with me. I went ahead and tried a few initiatives; the most outstanding of them all involved setting up a real-estate marketing company where we would both work together (she was struggling with her job at the time). We even got to talk about our future and that of the company during that time *ouch*. This probably is the dumbest thing I have ever done because she left immediately the start-up started struggling. For me I can't count the number of times I would have told her to f-off for her BS especially the moment I realized that Don Juan was sniffing around. Wow that sucks. BIG lesson learned. Ive done this before for a few month in another RS. I would have thought I learned my lesson. Well i guess i did to an extent.
Author purplereigncb Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Guilt setting in for the bad things I said. I will stick to hardcore NC. I shouldn't judge someone. I may find myself in her shoes one day. I guess she was trying to protect me from the pain. No easy way of breaking up that's for sure. Karma for saying those things will come back to me. Karma for the way the relationship ended will get back to her.
Author purplereigncb Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/56954-do-you-really-think-contacting-your-ex-going-help-you-guide-long-walk Found this very helpful. I will never attempt closure again.
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