purplereigncb Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I can't believe I didnt see this coming. She hooked up with a new guy like how someone had told me would happen. Someone who fits her bummy lifestyle. I found out through facebook. F me . I broke NC, but I'm pretty happy about it. Basically I told her that I knew everything. Which is a lie. I told her alot of expletives. And that she should have been more honest. She responded that she was sorry about everything and that I deserved better. And that she wished the best for me and my family. I responded F you delete everything about me. Have some self respect. Once a cheater always a cheater. And to give me any **** she has of mine. I also wrote how I regreted trying to add some class to her. And to have the decency to tell her family the real type of person she is. Sh said she'd mail me my stuff. Then I told her I ran into our HS friend and how she's getting married because she's real wife material. And I told her good luck with that. End rant... back to square 1....except with closure.
Chi townD Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Umm.....okay? Well, if you feel that you have some kind of closure, cool. Now, it's time to heal and make self improvements to your life.
magnoliasoutherly Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I'm very sorry about that, but venting your anger onto her isn't a good healing method. First off, you're sending a signal that you're still feeling desperate for her. Second, it will be something you'll regret later. I'm not sure I'd call this closure either. Return to NC and block her FB again. That is imperative. Hang in there, you're still walking the tightwire and it takes time. Hugs to you. 2
Author purplereigncb Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 Umm.....okay? Well, if you feel that you have some kind of closure, cool. Now, it's time to heal and make self improvements to your life. I do think it's closure, because I kept blaming myself for everything. I now see it's her selfish needs. I have been working on myself, but in a way I was working on myself to get her back. FML
mutant Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I don't see how you can achieve closure after basically telling her to f_OFF! You sound bitter and angry and I think you have to work through your feelings before you can get real closure. I am rooting for you...simply go NC from now on because that cheat deserves nothing from you!
Author purplereigncb Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 I'm very sorry about that, but venting your anger onto her isn't a good healing method. First off, you're sending a signal that you're still feeling desperate for her. Second, it will be something you'll regret later. I'm not sure I'd call this closure either. Return to NC and block her FB again. That is imperative. Hang in there, you're still walking the tightwire and it takes time. Hugs to you. I know I'm coming out as a sore loser and bitter, but it does help me throw the guilt back at her. She left me feeling guilty about myself. Why will I regret it? I think it's closure for sure, I've never felt like this before, but I def. don't want her back. I can honestly say once the anger wears off, I'll feel better about myself, I hadn't worked up the courage to delete our pictures until now. It was delaying the healing. This is helping me work up the courage to delete all of our mementos.
Author purplereigncb Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 I consider it closure since I wanted her back. I'd be a fool to return to that.
magnoliasoutherly Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I know I'm coming out as a sore loser and bitter, but it does help me throw the guilt back at her. She left me feeling guilty about myself. Why will I regret it?Because you'll see that you sounded weak to her and you'll wish you had been the stronger one. It's over and done now so just avoid making that mistake again. You feel relief now because you feel like you hurt her. That is a temporary relief and is anything but closure. Besides, who says she feels guilty or hurt by what you said? Don't reflect your feelings onto her. What you want her to feel and what she actually feels are two different things. I know that's all hard to hear, but it's very true.
316 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 No matter how badly you got treated always try to leave the relationship on a high note. You would have made your ex regret her decision more if you left with your head held high. Now every time she thinks of you she'll think of the angry you that called her names. But hopefully this marks the beginning of self healing and importance for you. Good luck!
Author purplereigncb Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 Yes. you are right. she's probably feeling sorry for me. If I had not sent that text, I'd be left wondering if she was with someone else. Now at least I know for sure. It was a difficult price to pay, breaking the NC that is, but I got the answer I was looking for.
Author purplereigncb Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 I should also mention, the day before she broke up with me I send her flowers to her job. That sent her guilt sky rocketing, that's why she dumped me.
Chi townD Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I know I'm coming out as a sore loser and bitter, but it does help me throw the guilt back at her. She left me feeling guilty about myself. Why will I regret it? I think it's closure for sure, I've never felt like this before, but I def. don't want her back. I can honestly say once the anger wears off, I'll feel better about myself, I hadn't worked up the courage to delete our pictures until now. It was delaying the healing. This is helping me work up the courage to delete all of our mementos. No it doesn't. I mean, sure. She'll feel a little guilty on how things played out. But, then you gave her a reason to forgive herself, " Well, if that's the way he wants to handle things by being a complete jackass, then I'm glad to be rid of him." You gave her a reason to justify being with someone else because she'll think that you are a douche rocket. I mean, it's a misguided way of thinking, but her brian is in self defense mode.
Author purplereigncb Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 I was so confused as to why flowers would make her dump me. I had a gut feeling someone else was around her. A rebound, but she wouldn't admit it.
Author purplereigncb Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 I know that was douchey... but almost 8 years!!!!! a third of my life.
Darren Steez Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I know I'm coming out as a sore loser and bitter, but it does help me throw the guilt back at her. She left me feeling guilty about myself. Why will I regret it? I think it's closure for sure, I've never felt like this before, but I def. don't want her back. I can honestly say once the anger wears off, I'll feel better about myself, I hadn't worked up the courage to delete our pictures until now. It was delaying the healing. This is helping me work up the courage to delete all of our mementos. Sorry pal, whatever "guilt" you think you're making her feel only lasts like 3 nanoseconds before she's thinking about her new guy. The best way to keep her wondering, is to cancel her out of your life, delete her number, facebook, block her email. That way you move forward and don't have the urge to look backwards at her and what's she's doing.
soccerrprp Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I can't believe I didnt see this coming. She hooked up with a new guy like how someone had told me would happen. Someone who fits her bummy lifestyle. I found out through facebook. F me . I broke NC, but I'm pretty happy about it. Basically I told her that I knew everything. Which is a lie. I told her alot of expletives. And that she should have been more honest. She responded that she was sorry about everything and that I deserved better. And that she wished the best for me and my family. I responded F you delete everything about me. Have some self respect. Once a cheater always a cheater. And to give me any **** she has of mine. I also wrote how I regreted trying to add some class to her. And to have the decency to tell her family the real type of person she is. Sh said she'd mail me my stuff. Then I told her I ran into our HS friend and how she's getting married because she's real wife material. And I told her good luck with that. End rant... back to square 1....except with closure. I can't believe that you didn't see it coming. Or did you and you ignored it? Check out the movie "500 Days of Summer." From 2009. It's hilarious and soooo on-target for so many of us at one point or another. It's about relationships, but it's also humorous and will hopefully replace your anger with a little bit of levity. Sorry this happened.
Chi townD Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Look, I'm not going to bust your chops for doing what you did. I'd be mad as hell too. So, I probably would have handled it a little differently. Like, " I know the truth now. And here I was thinking that I was at fault for the demise of our relationship. How could you do that to a person that you said you loved? Have a nice life." and NC from that point on. No cussing, no name calling...but plenty of guilt. She would be a texting freak after that....but straight NC.
Author purplereigncb Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 Yes, I ignored it. Yes i've known shes wrong for me. My last message was the worst type of bang. I'm dumb, but I ignored all the reasons why we shouldn't be together. She's been the only love of my life. But I did stop loving her the same a while ago. It's just been so hard to let go.
KatZee Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I don't see how you can achieve closure after basically telling her to f_OFF! You sound bitter and angry and I think you have to work through your feelings before you can get real closure. I can see exactly how he can achieve closure. The same thing happened with my ex. If OP has been nothing but amazing to this girl and she's been lying and cheating behind his back then I can see how this would be the straw that broke the camels back. I was never ANYTHING but nice to my ex. I never was nasty or cruel, didn't lie or cheat, or take advantage or ANYTHING. He cheated on me... i forgave him. (my mistake) He wound up dumping me, spouted massive lies, and I found out he was bringing a new chick around his family a month after he dumps me. This was after he told me he loved me still and saw us getting back together. You better BELIEVE he heard a mouthful from me. I was DONE being nice. DONE letting him walk all over me. DONE being his little emotional punching bag. DONE bending over backwards. DONE being a doormat. I tore him about 3 new a.ss holes. That was 10 months ago and I STILL don't feel bad for it. And it was THAT anger which pushed me forward, gave me the closure and sent me down the healing path. 3
mutant Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 No matter how badly you got treated always try to leave the relationship on a high note. You would have made your ex regret her decision more if you left with your head held high. Now every time she thinks of you she'll think of the angry you that called her names. But hopefully this marks the beginning of self healing and importance for you. Good luck! I don't see the point of trying to leave the relationship on a high note. Everything you do after the relationship is over should be about you and you alone. No need to consider the feelings of the other person especially when they have been cheating on you. Therefore whether you had an ugly ending or a mutual break-up it doesn't matter. Most Cheaters try to justify their deeds by being delusional and in a way, pointing out their mistakes might actually help them reform in future. I feel that I should let my ex know of all the hurt she put me through by being rude, callous and dishonest..but NO! I would rather concentrate on improving myself than try to sort out a shipwreck. 1
Author purplereigncb Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 Yes, when I asked why she cheated on me before all she could say was that she didnt feel like she needed to be tied down at that time.... I always wondered if that sentiment would arise again. I dont know why I took her back. It did mess up our relationship. But if I had never found out about it. I'd be living a lie. But because I did find out about it, I never trusted her the same.
Author purplereigncb Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 I guess that lack of trust just pushed her further. Which is why she moved on so easily. Some people are compulsive liars. I knew she had a lying problem. 8 years smh.
borgman1964 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Real sad mate, what most of us dumpees out here keep dreading, atleast I am. To see her with someone else would just kill me...infact just the thought of it makes me sick. This is the most painful thing of all, I know because I've experienced it. I cannot shake the images of what they are doing with each other! Bitch just decieved me til someone else came along. R 1
mutant Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I can see exactly how he can achieve closure. The same thing happened with my ex. If OP has been nothing but amazing to this girl and she's been lying and cheating behind his back then I can see how this would be the straw that broke the camels back. I was never ANYTHING but nice to my ex. I never was nasty or cruel, didn't lie or cheat, or take advantage or ANYTHING. He cheated on me... i forgave him. (my mistake) He wound up dumping me, spouted massive lies, and I found out he was bringing a new chick around his family a month after he dumps me. This was after he told me he loved me still and saw us getting back together. You better BELIEVE he heard a mouthful from me. I was DONE being nice. DONE letting him walk all over me. DONE being his little emotional punching bag. DONE bending over backwards. DONE being a doormat. I tore him about 3 new a.ss holes. That was 10 months ago and I STILL don't feel bad for it. And it was THAT anger which pushed me forward, gave me the closure and sent me down the healing path. I actually wish I did this to my ex. I feel she got away with a lot of things and just last week she tried calling me (of-course I didn't pick up ) perhaps trying to be the bigger person or to relieve her guilt. With closure, it comes from within. It is hard to establish whether you have achieved closure immediately after a breakup. It's much easier to do so after going through the emotional roller-coaster. I know of people who have tore into their BFs/GFs only to get back/ want them back after a few months. I am not saying this might be the case with the OP but it's possible that he may take a while before he achieves closure.
316 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I don't see the point of trying to leave the relationship on a high note. Everything you do after the relationship is over should be about you and you alone. No need to consider the feelings of the other person especially when they have been cheating on you. Therefore whether you had an ugly ending or a mutual break-up it doesn't matter. Most Cheaters try to justify their deeds by being delusional and in a way, pointing out their mistakes might actually help them reform in future. I feel that I should let my ex know of all the hurt she put me through by being rude, callous and dishonest..but NO! I would rather concentrate on improving myself than try to sort out a shipwreck. You'll always make your ex regret cheating/leaving you more if you leave on a high note. Of course you should let them know how much they hurt you and all of that but there's no need to attempt to belittle them by cursing them out. Leaving the cheater for good without them seeing/hearing from you again is a far worse punishment that they'll have to learn from. Now of course if you don't care at all about what your ex thinks of you after the relationship then by all means tear them a new one if it's gonna help you move on. Just know you're most likely gonna help the cheater justify his or her actions in the process.
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