To be or not to be Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 A little background: I met a guy on a dating site Feb. 6th. First few dates were emails, text messages and then to talking on the phone twice before finally meeting a week later. We seem to hit it off well and very comfortable around each other. We confirmed interest in each other and wanted to see each other soon. We're both looking for a real relationship but he's forward with his words sexually and I let him know that. He says he's not seeing or talking to anyone else and I have all of this attention. But I must say, his attention to me is not much. All we do is text and it's been less since the first week. I attempted to call him but he replied in a text that he was tired. Eleven days go by before he commited to a second date. I thought that was a long time to be asked out a 2nd time! The date went good I thought and we came back to my apartment and things got heavy but no sex. I asked him over for a movie the following day and he agreed. He had house hunting to do that day. I didn't hear much from him that day and finally @5pm I get a text that says " I just got home, I'm tired". He didn't try to reschedule and didn't text me much after. I didn't hear from him the entire day following. So, I text him to see how he was and he replied. I followed that by " I haven't heard from you, are we done talking?" He responds "No, you didn't text me much yesterday". 2 Questions: Are all single men this way, is this normal? I'm trying not to compare but it's kinda hard when ex mm had wayy more charm and showed wayy more interest. When is it ok to have sex with a guy you want a possible relationship with, without him thinking your easy?
Treasa Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 When is it ok to have sex with a guy you want a possible relationship with, without him thinking your easy? When you want to have sex with him, are ready for it, and won't be crushed if he bails afterward. A guy can't "use" me for sex, because I don't have sex unless I want to, and then I'm doing it for the SEX. So he uses me as much as I use him, I guess. 1
Treasa Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Are all single men this way, is this normal? I'm trying not to compare but it's kinda hard when ex mm had wayy more charm and showed wayy more interest. Oops, I forgot answer this. No, it's not normal for a guy who is INTERESTED in you to behave this way. A guy who blames not texting you on you not texting him first or enough is a guy who's just not into it. Cut this one loose.
O'Malley Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 (edited) The timeline for sex varies with each person, but if you feel comfortable with him and secure in how things are progressing, while not being overly invested in potential, you're ready. It doesn't sound like you're at that stage yet, for valid reasons. Just my take, but if you're desiring a serious relationship, I'd start contacting and dating other guys. This guy's interest level seems low at best. When someone is really focused on you, they make an effort - they reschedule plans and reciprocate contact. Edited February 26, 2013 by O'Malley
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Agree with the above posters. When you are ready and it feels right to both of you. That will vary considerably for different women. If you are both truly interested in a long-term relationship, choosing to delay that step shouldn't change things, but it gives you a chance to evaluate whether the guy would really be the right person for you without all the emotions attendant when you let your ovaries lead the charge. Hormones make it easier to ignore red flags. If you are afraid you'll lose the guy if you don't have sex, you're going to lose him anyway. Sex alone is insufficient to get someone to commit to you. You have to bring more to the table if you want to be able to go the distance. Now this guy? You say MM, so I'm guessing you were in an affair previously and aren't sure how to compare... Your instincts are right here, I think. Based on what you've shared, this guy doesn't seem serious. Rather, he seems to be playing the field and looking for some quick action from a number of options. When a guy likes you and wants to focus on you, it will be clear. He'll be eager to date you, to communicate with you, to spend time with you. It won't feel as if you're struggling to get and hold his attention. People are on OLD for all sorts of reasons. This was one type that I personally steered away from when I used it. Good luck!
TaserTag Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I think that his responses so far have been odd. He seems interested in that he keeps talking to you and making plans, but the length of time between dates and lack of communication at times isn't at all normal, in my opinion. I find it weird that he keeps telling you that he's tired. I wonder if he has something going on that's taking up more of his energy, if he's sick, or if he's playing games and full of it. I'd tell him to get back to me when he really has time to pursue a relationship and wants to make an effort to get together. Breaking off plans and being so distant do not seem like good signs.
Bengal Tiger Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 A little background: I met a guy on a dating site Feb. 6th. First few dates were emails, text messages and then to talking on the phone twice before finally meeting a week later. We seem to hit it off well and very comfortable around each other. We confirmed interest in each other and wanted to see each other soon. We're both looking for a real relationship but he's forward with his words sexually and I let him know that. He says he's not seeing or talking to anyone else and I have all of this attention. But I must say, his attention to me is not much. All we do is text and it's been less since the first week. I attempted to call him but he replied in a text that he was tired. Eleven days go by before he commited to a second date. I thought that was a long time to be asked out a 2nd time! The date went good I thought and we came back to my apartment and things got heavy but no sex. I asked him over for a movie the following day and he agreed. He had house hunting to do that day. I didn't hear much from him that day and finally @5pm I get a text that says " I just got home, I'm tired". He didn't try to reschedule and didn't text me much after. I didn't hear from him the entire day following. So, I text him to see how he was and he replied. I followed that by " I haven't heard from you, are we done talking?" He responds "No, you didn't text me much yesterday". 2 Questions: Are all single men this way, is this normal? I'm trying not to compare but it's kinda hard when ex mm had wayy more charm and showed wayy more interest. When is it ok to have sex with a guy you want a possible relationship with, without him thinking your easy? Damn it, I totally relate to that guy. I hate texting and mind games. If you want him, pick up the phone and talk to him. If you want to go out, say "hey, when are you taking me out next?" unless you are comfortable planning something and inviting him. I can be stupidly forward about sexual talk and have been told that women don't like that. Its so frustrating to guess whats OK and what's too much without talking about it. Sigh, life is difficult. He could be not interested (or playing because some PUA forum told him to). If he wants you then he will ask again. If you want him, then drop a very obvious hint for him to try again. If you both aren't going on dates and having fun and getting to know each other and bonding, then its too soon for sex. Just my $0.02. In all honesty, I want sex from day 1 but am trying to be a gentleman about this. Good luck
FitChick Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 He's keeping his options open, hoping to find a woman who is easier to bed. I agree that the only right time is the time that's right for you.
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