Cali408 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 It doesn't matter if they blame you. What it does is send a message to Captain Conscience, that you're serious about not wanting him to contact you. What happens between them is no one's business. They have phone records at the company so you don't have to worry about them thinking you're harassing them.
LadyGrey Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 A company would not release phone records without a court order. Wantingmore is holding up her end of the deal. If wantingmore is going to do anything, which I don't think she should at this point. If he keeps calling her, (I doubt he will since she won't respond) then that could be considered harassment, then she can pursue legal matters. Otherwise......silence is the best thing for her. It doesn't matter if they blame you. What it does is send a message to Captain Conscience, that you're serious about not wanting him to contact you. What happens between them is no one's business. They have phone records at the company so you don't have to worry about them thinking you're harassing them. 2
jwi71 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 My goal was to have xMM out of my mind. And I did great with that until today. I never had any intentions of calling him, and I still don't but I just hate that I heard his voice. That I had to hear all his bullsh*t lies to me. I don't care why he stayed. I don't care that he loves me. He hurt me, I felt bad, stupid, used, and I was working my way from that. I hate he called me. I hate I'm letting it get to me likd this. You CANT control others. So work on YOURSELF. My end script would be xMM out of my life, my thoughts for good. The thing is you need to work on YOU to get YOU to a better place. And you are not there now. The only way to prevent him from contacting you is to change your job (new job, new number). Its not likely you will do that and the consequence of such is the possibility he calls. Given this, what ARE you DOING to move forward? Have you spoken to and with friends and family about this? HR? An IC? Clergy? What can you do to minimize his power/affect over you? IME, you minimize others power over you by: taking away that which gives them power or becoming stronger so that their "power" is insufficient to control you. So...what power does he have over you? What about this VM SPECIFICALLY sets you back? What did it trigger? And why? These are the Q's you need to ask of yourself. None of this has ANYTHING to do with xMM...its all about and in you. My BSO is another story. Im still working on that. Yes and no. What is the goal with him? All the same Q's apply to him. Ultimately though you need to work on you. It should be a priority - make time for it.
veryhappy Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 How sweet of him. It must have been out of love when he destroyed you after dday. I agree with the people saying not to contact the wife. I don't know if you're still together with your partner. I would have him listen to the voicemail and he might tell the wife to leave you alone. That would be way better than you doing anything. It's just him trying to ease his guilt at your expense. In the words of exMM writing me the last segment "I don't know if it's curiosity or guilt..." It's good that they're feelingsome guilt, but they can't come to the person they left soulless for a while for help. Their expectations are just delusional and I suspect that happens because we've always been supportive. Well, now it's time for them to live without that support they decided they didn't need.
RickFox Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 You ask why He didn't do it to relieve his concience. He's blaming his kids and hoping that you will come back and agree to be his side piece of A**. He's keeping that door open, or trying to.
veryhappy Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I was wondering about him wanting to restart the A too, but he's got such a crazy wife( sorry to all believing all BWs are angelic beings), that he'd be absolutely out of his mind to try again. It's happened before though.
Author wanting more Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 You CANT control others. So work on YOURSELF. The thing is you need to work on YOU to get YOU to a better place. And you are not there now. The only way to prevent him from contacting you is to change your job (new job, new number). Its not likely you will do that and the consequence of such is the possibility he calls. Given this, what ARE you DOING to move forward? Have you spoken to and with friends and family about this? HR? An IC? Clergy? What can you do to minimize his power/affect over you? IME, you minimize others power over you by: taking away that which gives them power or becoming stronger so that their "power" is insufficient to control you. So...what power does he have over you? What about this VM SPECIFICALLY sets you back? What did it trigger? And why? These are the Q's you need to ask of yourself. None of this has ANYTHING to do with xMM...its all about and in you. Yes and no. What is the goal with him? All the same Q's apply to him. Ultimately though you need to work on you. It should be a priority - make time for it. Definately not getting a new job. I was doing good I thought. Over 6 months, not one word. And I felt with that. Was actually grateful for the NC. then today. I guess just hearing his voice really threw me off. I am IC. My BSO is another story I'm not sure how to deal with yet
Author wanting more Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 He'll have to find another piece of a**. Definately NOT going back to where I was. 1
veryhappy Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 My BSO is another story I'm not sure how to deal with yet When was the last incidence of abuse with your SO? I remember the story correctly, right?
Author wanting more Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 When was the last incidence of abuse with your SO? I remember the story correctly, right? You are thinking correct. That was in the past. Years ago. Im a different person today in terms of physical abuse.
Author wanting more Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 Aw. Jerk. Want me to kick him really hard for you? Somewhere that it will hurt a lot? Yes Please
RickFox Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 He'll have to find another piece of a**. Definately NOT going back to where I was. *Thumbs up*
whichwayisup Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 WTF. 6 months of NC and he calls and leaves that message on your machine after all this time? Makes me wonder if he has another OW somewhere and his wife thinks he's still seeing or in touch with you so he called you, left message in front of her to show her it's over and so she could hear what he said. Makes no sense after all this time for him to dump this on you. Selfish f'ing ahole is what he is. Duh, 6 months of NC obviously you KNOW it's over and he ain't leaving. Besides you got your own H to worry about out. Go on and ignore this. Don't contact him or his wife. Let your silence speak for itself and try to get yourself back on the healing path. He isn't worth your tears, anger or any kind of emotion. 1
2sure Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Forward his voicemail to his wife. That's it. 1
Summer Breeze Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I'm sorry he did that to you WM. What an a$$. I read through this and agree with the other poster who suggested you tell your BSO and let HIM call the BS and tell her about the message. Tell her you'll keep it on the phone for 1 week and if she wants to hear it then make arrangements to see him in person and play it for her. She'll be able to hear the date and time it was left and there will be no question as to when it was left or that you were trying to pull something. I think I'd actually record the whole thing including the date and time stamp from the phone. I'd keep that in case it came up in the future. I think you need to tell your BSO and I definitely think his W needs to know what he's doing. What she chooses to do is up to her. You owe him nothing except that good swift kick you were referring to WM!
Owl Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I say delete and ignore this contact...and ONLY this one. If he attempts to contact you again, send him a vehement, clearly scathing/angry/ticked off message informing him in no uncertain terms that any further contact is unwelcomed, and since you've informed him of this point blank, further contact will be considered stalking and you will take it to the local authorities if need be. Draw a boundary with concrete walls and machine gun defenses to keep him away. 1
Author wanting more Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 yes, another voicemail "I can't get you out of my mind, I miss you so much I feel like i'm going crazy. I know you haven't stopped loving me, as I've not stopped loving you. I have so much guilt because of how I treated you. I can't be without you but I can't lose my kids. I miss you so much, i do love you" WHAT IS HE DOING??? This just makes me hate him more. I'm doing so much better with him out of my life, now he throws his bullshi* again my way. I will NOT fall for his lies anymore. I've sat this morning trying to figure out what to do here are my options I think 1. email him and his wife, address the email to her and tell her to tell him not to contact me ever again, tell her if she wants to hear the voicemails, give me her # and I will call (but if she answers I'll hang up, I have NOTHING left to say to her) and leave the voicemails on her voicemail 2. do nothing, and hope he goes away
jwi71 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 yes, another voicemail "I can't get you out of my mind, I miss you so much I feel like i'm going crazy. I know you haven't stopped loving me, as I've not stopped loving you. I have so much guilt because of how I treated you. I can't be without you but I can't lose my kids. I miss you so much, i do love you" WHAT IS HE DOING??? This just makes me hate him more. I'm doing so much better with him out of my life, now he throws his bullshi* again my way. I will NOT fall for his lies anymore. I've sat this morning trying to figure out what to do here are my options I think 1. email him and his wife, address the email to her and tell her to tell him not to contact me ever again, tell her if she wants to hear the voicemails, give me her # and I will call (but if she answers I'll hang up, I have NOTHING left to say to her) and leave the voicemails on her voicemail 2. do nothing, and hope he goes away Well...at this point I would consider contacting a lawyer and seeing if you can't go the harassment and restraining order route. This may mean you have to discuss this with HR to get their cooperation (if need be). Obviously do NOT erase those VM's. No good comes of contacting them directly. I would kick things up a notch and get the authorities involved. Maybe a pair of detectives knocking on his door will put an end to it.
CarrieT Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 1. email him and his wife, address the email to her and tell her to tell him not to contact me ever again, tell her if she wants to hear the voicemails, give me her # and I will call (but if she answers I'll hang up, I have NOTHING left to say to her) and leave the voicemails on her voicemail ^^^^ THIS ^^^^ It is obvious he is not going away. She is his problem now and she should know what he is doing. 1
Owl Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 yes, another voicemail "I can't get you out of my mind, I miss you so much I feel like i'm going crazy. I know you haven't stopped loving me, as I've not stopped loving you. I have so much guilt because of how I treated you. I can't be without you but I can't lose my kids. I miss you so much, i do love you" WHAT IS HE DOING??? This just makes me hate him more. I'm doing so much better with him out of my life, now he throws his bullshi* again my way. I will NOT fall for his lies anymore. I've sat this morning trying to figure out what to do here are my options I think 1. email him and his wife, address the email to her and tell her to tell him not to contact me ever again, tell her if she wants to hear the voicemails, give me her # and I will call (but if she answers I'll hang up, I have NOTHING left to say to her) and leave the voicemails on her voicemail 2. do nothing, and hope he goes away Do what I said...call him and tear him a new @rsehole. Rip his head off...inform him in no uncertain terms that you are DONE with his sorry butt, you want NO FURTHER CONTACT, and if he calls/emails/breaks wind in your direction again, it will be considered stalking and you will be going straight to the police to officially request a PRO against him. I'm telling you...boundaries with concrete walls, rolled concertina on top, and claymores set every few feet apart. Let there be NO confusion on what you want....or what he'll get if he violates NC one more time. 2
veryhappy Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Yes, he wants the A back. He's still split. He wants the family, he wants to keep you. Tell your SO. You don't need to handle this alone. I would not contact either of them if I were you.
loredo21 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 i haven't been around in a while, but feel so bad for you WM. I don't know what the hell I would do. Your head must be spinning out of control right now. I wish I had advice, but I don't. I guess you never know until you are in the situation, but my initial thought would be option 2. let it go, hope he goes away. I would not entertain him with any response at all be it to him or his W. Just try to let it go. And do your best to block any form of contact from him....I know how hard it must be. Wanted to send HUGS!
KLS2b Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I believe he is trying to ease his conscience by "easing" it onto you. Now he feels better letting you know how much he cares for you and how (I believe he may be sincere here) Sorry he is that he hurt you. See? Now he can say he isn't a bad person, just a man who fell in love with another woman, acted on it, now has decided that his family is more important but still "feels bad" people got hurt. Can I be mad at him with you?! There was no constructive purpose at all in his message to you except to remind you he is still around, that he does care about you (not enough to leave), that he is sorry he hurt you and to ease his own mind. jackhole. I send you a ((hug))* CIH, I know your reply was to the OP, but I've been following your replies to folks here and just wanted to say how much I admire you. OP, I can't see your name or see it right now (crying) because I can feel your pain. I had to post for a second to give a {{hug}} and get a hug and to keep from caving. I wish hope and contentment to all that are hurting today. Thank you for compassion and kindness when it could be so easy to lash out. CIH, {{ hugs}} K 1
LadyGrey Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I'm with Owl on his advice........wantingmore. Do you see how cowardly this man is, he knows he calls when you aren't there. and what has changed........NOTHING. He just is trying to feed his own need in hoping you'll let him know you care. It's all about him. No consideration at all for you. What an asshat! 1
Author wanting more Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 have you given him the chance of knowing that he can have his family and you, if you and she can accept each other as present in his life, wife as friend and mother of children and you as lover and all, maybe even living in the same house, see that you can call a test of love.. why does it have to be black and white, of course he must be the driving force in all of this, but i think you must talk to him, and cut off all your career ambitions if you want love and can love.. Huh??? I know you're not serious
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