How to get over ego of it all?

[sunshine6]

Ok. I've come to the realization that he's a jerk. That I do not want him. And that he's just been stringing me along for cake-eating.

 

Here's my new dilemma - even though I have all of these realizations, it still gets to me that he is so happy-go-lucky and doesn't care that I seem to feel this way. I know this is an ego thing entirely. And I know that it should be even more of a realization that he's a jerk and probably never meant half the junk he said to me.... BUT it still bothers me.

 

Advice? Criticisms not needed.

 

Thanks.

Edited February 26, 2013 by sunshine6

[Pierre]

Ok. I've come to the realization that he's a jerk. That I do not want him. And that he's just been stringing me along for cake-eating.

 

Here's my new dilemma - even though I have all of these realizations, it still gets to me that he is so happy-go-lucky and doesn't care that I seem to feel this way. I know this is an ego thing entirely. And I know that it should be even more of a realization that he's a jerk and probably never meant half the junk he said to me.... BUT it still bothers me.

 

Advice? Criticisms not needed.

 

Thanks.

 

It is not about you. It is about him.

 

What he said should not bother you. If he lied to you he is a liar. His lies do not change who you are as a person. It is all about him, not you.

 

His actions or lack of actions should not diminish or enhance you as a person. This is not about you.

[sunshine6]

It's just so frustrating that I'm going through these phases of overcoming the emotion I built up toward him, while he seems unfazed by all of it.

 

I am cold and unflirtatious towards him, but it's like he is either OK with that (he still gives me "looks" and comes around to say his hellos - ugh), OR he is just indifferent to my new disdain for him.

 

Totally egotistical that it bothers me, I know - but I want him to suffer as much as I have with getting him out of my system!

 

I know that's a terrible thing to say, and I just shouldn't care - but my ego does.

[Pierre]

It's just so frustrating that I'm going through these phases of overcoming the emotion I built up toward him, while he seems unfazed by all of it.

 

I am cold and unflirtatious towards him, but it's like he is either OK with that (he still gives me "looks" and comes around to say his hellos - ugh), OR he is just indifferent to my new disdain for him.

 

Totally egotistical that it bothers me, I know - but I want him to suffer as much as I have with getting him out of my system!

 

I know that's a terrible thing to say, and I just shouldn't care - but my ego does.

 

It must be hard to have an ego that is affected by the actions of others.

[jwi71]

Ok. I've come to the realization that he's a jerk. That I do not want him. And that he's just been stringing me along for cake-eating.

 

Here's my new dilemma - even though I have all of these realizations, it still gets to me that he is so happy-go-lucky and doesn't care that I seem to feel this way. I know this is an ego thing entirely. And I know that it should be even more of a realization that he's a jerk and probably never meant half the junk he said to me.... BUT it still bothers me.

 

Advice? Criticisms not needed.

 

Thanks.

 

My advice is to think on why it bothers you that his actions indicate you didn't mean as much to him as he did to you. This should, I think, lead to you issues in yourself as reflected in your own M. If you are in the process of a D, STILL look at this even though your M is ending (if it is). Valuable insight to go down this path about YOURSELF.

 

One thing to do is either eliminate or mitigate a trigger. A trigger for you is to see him happy-go-lucky when you are hurt. It makes you feel worthless as I alluded to above. So...why not eliminate the trigger. We can do this by quitting, introspection or even revenge (such as tell his W).

 

Which sounds good to you?

 

How do YOU think you can "move past" this? No one likes being used - but lets face it you used him as much as he used you.

 

Personally, I would quit and, if you value your M, go to IC and ultimately MC to improve that.

[sunshine6]

It must be hard to have an ego that is affected by the actions of others.

 

It is, Pierre, it is. This is something I've struggled with and have been trying to work on within myself. For now though, it remains a pain that I deal with.

[sunshine6]

My advice is to think on why it bothers you that his actions indicate you didn't mean as much to him as he did to you. This should, I think, lead to you issues in yourself as reflected in your own M. If you are in the process of a D, STILL look at this even though your M is ending (if it is). Valuable insight to go down this path about YOURSELF.

 

One thing to do is either eliminate or mitigate a trigger. A trigger for you is to see him happy-go-lucky when you are hurt. It makes you feel worthless as I alluded to above. So...why not eliminate the trigger. We can do this by quitting, introspection or even revenge (such as tell his W).

 

Which sounds good to you?

 

How do YOU think you can "move past" this? No one likes being used - but lets face it you used him as much as he used you.

 

Personally, I would quit and, if you value your M, go to IC and ultimately MC to improve that.

 

Thank you, jwi71 - Your words ring true.

 

It is definitely the trigger when I see him happy-go-lucky. He will literally continue to flirt/be friendly with me when I have made it clear that he is not on my nice list. He is either in denial, or couldn't care less. I lean more towards couldn't care less. And yes, it does make me feel worthless. We have been back and forth with each other for about three years! I think the intensity has worn down on both sides.

 

Like I say, this is the ONLY trigger for me with him as of today. I don't desire him or think about being with him - I just have to battle seeing him everyday, unfazed by all of it.

[Catplates]

It must be hard to have an ego that is affected by the actions of others.

 

Has that never happened to you Pierre?

[Pierre]

Has that never happened to you Pierre?

 

We are all susceptible since we have a mixture of all personality traits (the good and the bad ones). As always any of these traits can be exaggerated and that causes major problems.

[Spark1111]

It is said that living well is the best revenge.....so, I would choose to be happy-go-lucky too as if I was totally unaffected by him and his actions.

 

Go out of your way to ignore him as much as possible; or excuse yourself quickly and start chatting up someone else with a big smile on your face.

 

Even negative body language or hard stares tells him you are angry or upset enough to still care, and he may really be enjoying that. Look, she's still upset I left her. A nice ego-boost you NEVER intended.

 

So, ignore him, be too busy to engage with him, but be a happy person with everyone else.

[stevie_23]

It's just so frustrating that I'm going through these phases of overcoming the emotion I built up toward him, while he seems unfazed by all of it.

 

At least you're a normal, loving, caring person who FEELS things and doesn't just go around with your head so inflated by your massive ego that you can't get even remotely in touch with your feelings!!!