First Time Dumpee. broken and upset.

[RiceaRoni]

Hey, So I've been looking through this forum for the past 4-5 months now on trying to get advice about my break up and I realize that everyone is different so I wanted to kinda get perspectives on my own situation.

 

So about 4-5 months ago my ex broke up with me (He is 16 and I am 18) we were together for 14months. We were each others firsts and although there was an age gap we still wanted to try things. Well his reason for breaking up with me came with so many excuses such as "My mom doesnt want me to be tied down" "I'm not ready for a relationship" "You're too clingy", etc. And since it was my first relationship I made all the mistakes of calling and begging, etc to the point where he told me to leave him alone. So eventually I did because I wanted to show him that I could give him space and time alone.

 

Well about a month post break up apparently this girl confronts him and claims to like him. The things is from what I have heard from mutual friends is that she was in a LDR with her boyfriend from San Diego. They had been together 18 months and for a week began talking to my ex. After about a week of talking to him, she dumped her boyfriend and the next day got with my ex. Once I heard about this I kept my composure in front of him, not blowing up like I did when he broke up with me, but I began stalking him on Twitter (I know bad idea) and he would post things relevant to our relationship asking himself "where do we stand?" "Thinking about the What If's" and he would also post pretty messed up stuff about me, calling me psycho and saying how unfortunate our relationship was.

 

About the first month of their relationship he totally threw it in my face. posting pictures all over instagram saying how much he loved her and how beautiful she is, etc. It made me feel pretty crappy. Eventually since I didnt react and kept out of his life everything began to calm down, but he still posted things on twitter that kinda seemed like he regretted the break up pretty badly as I saw these posts I had hope that "Thank God he realizes he messed up and now he's going to come back" , but no he still stuck with this girl and about 2-3 post break she became upset with him on twitter saying how they couldn't date if he was still in love with his ex and what not. I guess things had been rocky for them and it SHOULD have ended, but they kept it going and although his insults kept happening towards me, saying the most random insults I kept ignoring them. Now 4-5 months post break up they are still together and I think I've lost him for good. He's stopped the insults, but now I really think he focuses on her and really does love her. I kept giving myself false hope that their relationship was supposed to end and it hasnt.

 

About 2 weeks ago however, he texted me wanting to talk, telling me how immature he was being and wanted to make things less awkward between us. A good friend of ours talked to him I guess and so I decided to meet up with him a couple days later. When the day came and I met up with him at school, he greeted me with 'sup' and i asked him what it was he wanted to talk about, and the first thing he said was "Oh I heard you wanted to talk to me" Totally caught me off guard and boy did I get upset internally. I was so confused so I said "You texted me saying you wanted to make things less awkward between us?" he replies with "Oh well yeah but I heard you has some hings to tell me" and yes of course I did, but I wasn't going to be the only one talking while he stood there and smirked. In the end it was a waste of time because he said he had nothing to say to me not even an apology or anything. He tried to make conversation by asking me how I was and I thought to myself "This doesn't make anything less awkard because the problems are still there" He got upset when the conversation died out and tried to bring in the friend who had talked to him about this whole thing. Once he tried bringing in his friends to clear things up I left, upset saying it was such a waste of time if he had nothing to say.

 

i confronted my friend later that day and he told me that my ex really did want to talk and had things to say but he doesn't know why he didnt say anything when it came to the meeting.

 

So I guess I truly have lost him now. He and his girlfriend seem to be pretty happy and although he doesnt post pictures of them anymore on Instagram like he did with us I think he really has fallen in love with her, but for some reason I get a feeling that she's using him or has GIGS. I don't know if her ex did anything drastic to cause the end of their relationship, but she did claim to miss her ex. So I am not sure.

 

Any Thoughts on this situation?

[flitzanu]

he dumped you, moved on and has a new girlfriend. on top of that, he's a jerk and treating you like crap.

 

is it fun being treated that way?

 

if it isn't...then you stop talking to him and delete/block all his social media sites and move on with YOUR life.

[Chi townD]

If he's acting immature is because he supposed to be immature. He's only 16. still in High School!

 

Time to move on. He's not all of that. He's a kid. Time to move on to someone closer to your own age. Go to college. at least those guys are slightly more mature and have their heads on straight.

[RiceaRoni]

I know. You guys are right and I have been able to feel a hell of a lot better by keeping NC. It just boggles my mind and I feel so betrayed that someone I gave my all to, just left me like that and continued to treat me the way that he did. He treats his new girlfriend so much better and honestly I don't even know if she's using him as her rebound or if they're using each other. Could he really just have not cared for me at all 14months? To just throw me aside like that and move on so quickly and easily? It's just really upsetting. This experience is very new to me, and I have never in my life been betrayed by anyone I care deeply about.

[NoLeafClover]

I know. You guys are right and I have been able to feel a hell of a lot better by keeping NC. It just boggles my mind and I feel so betrayed that someone I gave my all to, just left me like that and continued to treat me the way that he did. He treats his new girlfriend so much better and honestly I don't even know if she's using him as her rebound or if they're using each other. Could he really just have not cared for me at all 14months? To just throw me aside like that and move on so quickly and easily? It's just really upsetting. This experience is very new to me, and I have never in my life been betrayed by anyone I care deeply about.

 

That sh*t right there, is what we ALL on here have said after we got our hearts broken.

 

Right now you have to stay NC, and eventhough it hurts, you have to show him that you are strong and not reply back to his Breadcrumbs cuz sooner or later he will try to contact you especially if this is a rebound case. They are in a honeymoon phase but that will fade at some point.

 

YOU DO NOT REPLY BACK, YOU DO NOT TALK BACK, YOU DO NOT SAY HI BACK, YOU DO NOT LOOK HIM UP ON SOCIAL MEDIA, YOU DO NOT CONTACT HIM.

YOUR GOAL IS TO MOVE ON, TO FORGET HIM, TO LIVE A BETTER LIFE, TO BE HAPPY AGAIN.

 

From now on until you move on 100%, that is your religion after church or whatever it is that you practice on the side.

[RiceaRoni]

Thanks you guys it's good to know I'm down the right path then. Sadly we still live in the same city and at times I have to stop by his school to pick up my sister or help with the drama and dance department and I always see him and his gf so that's been pretty hard. Usually I just ignore them completely and go on my way. There was one point around the 3 month mark that when I started ignoring him like that my friends said he was really hurt, but I mean what do you expect? I gotta heal and he's hurt me far more worse. Also, in the beginning of the break he acted as if I broke up with him?! I was so confused that I actually started to convince myself I did everything wrong

[flitzanu]

no it doesn't mean he didn't care about your 14 month relationship. it means he doesn't care about you right now.

[RiceaRoni]

Do you think it's possible to try and get him back or do you think he ever will come back? I mean his new girlfriend seems pretty happy, and as for him...well I can't read him anymore. He's much more secretive, but If she's happy then he must be happy...I just don't understand her...how could a girl cheat on her LD ex and then break up with him and the next day get with my ex? Does my ex not know?

 

That's why I feel like she's using him for emotional support...from what a close friend of mine has told me is that she's very clingy (and that's supposidly one of the reasons why my ex broke up with me) and she's extremely co dependent, and can't be on her own...she's admitted to herself that she just likes the idea of falling in love?

 

She's younger than he is (She is I believe 15 1/2 and he's 16)

[RiceaRoni]

I felt like I stressed him out too much, and was just plain boring to him There were so many things I did wrong, and now I realize them and have improved myself so much these past 5 months, but it hasn't brought him back, and Its hard for me to see him at his school when I go help teach the dance class...I just pretend he isnt there, and at times I catch him looking at me, and it hurts me having to ignore him...I don't want to, but it's the best for me and for him as well i guess.

[Chi townD]

Do you think it's possible to try and get him back or do you think he ever will come back? I mean his new girlfriend seems pretty happy, and as for him...well I can't read him anymore. He's much more secretive, but If she's happy then he must be happy...I just don't understand her...how could a girl cheat on her LD ex and then break up with him and the next day get with my ex? Does my ex not know?

 

That's why I feel like she's using him for emotional support...from what a close friend of mine has told me is that she's very clingy (and that's supposidly one of the reasons why my ex broke up with me) and she's extremely co dependent, and can't be on her own...she's admitted to herself that she just likes the idea of falling in love?

 

She's younger than he is (She is I believe 15 1/2 and he's 16)

 

 

He's 16. He needs to grow up and learn from his mistakes. If you talk to a guy that's 22; he's not the same guy NOW than he was at 16. This is a critical time in his life where his horomones are all over the place and he may not be the most stable of people for a person your age should be dating. He needs to grow up.

[RiceaRoni]

Yes I know he needs to grow up and everything.....I'm just so upset that he fell in love so quickly with someone else...it really makes me depressed because I know how to fix the relationship and what to do and I know what he wants, but he never gave me a second chance and now he's in love with a girl that is giving him what I could have have him if not more...it's so painful to see him in love with someone else.

 

I'm regretting being too mature for him...I just wanted to be a good role model for him since I was older, but turns out he still wants to be immature and there's nothing wrong with that, but he never told me what was bothering him and how we could fix things...it's so so so painful and I regret not having sex with him honestly...I felt like that was one of the main reasons he fell out of love with me...I just wanted to wait for the right time for us and his girlfriend now is so much more sexual with him...she's willing to do all these things and she likes the same things he does and it just pains me

 

 

 

And when I see them together she looks at me and mocks me with a smile of hers...she has no clue what love is...it's so hard to let him go...when I Know for a fact I can treat him right. He admitted to me being a good woman and that once a good woman is gone she's gone for good...but how? When I tried fighting for us and he was the one to let me go? Why does he have all these regrets but isn't coming back?

[RiceaRoni]

I feel so weak...I can't even bring myself to date anyone which is something a lot people say I should do of I want him back, but it doesn't feel right...and then someone people tell me that he was the weak one for leaving me and getting with someone else right away...but yet I feel like the true weak one.

 

I know the only way for me to be strong is to stop caring and move on and show him what he's missing, but damn when someone screws you over you aren't the same person anymore no matter how hard you try. I used to be super bubbly and dorky which he loved but now it's hard to bring myself back to that because I was hurt so badly...