Lonely Ronin Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 the back story is I have date #4 tomorrow, with a girl I met late last month, but I'm pretty sure I don't want #5 unless something really significant happens tomorrow night. I was actually pretty sure date #4 wasn't going to happen until she called me tonight to confirm(I called her to set it up on Thursday). She is smart, nice, great to talk with, and super pretty. She has said yes every time I've asked her out, and always says she had a fun time at the end of the date, and I'm pretty confident she is (having fun). The problem I have is other than the night I meet her, she hasn't really been flirty/expressive with me or shown what I consider signs of real interest. You could potentially say we don't have chemistry. I'm naturally a very flirty/playful/affectionate guy, but I won't show that side of myself, until I'm sure it will be excepted. At this point I feel like I'm muting myself, and barely showing what I consider to be a significant part of who I am. I don't think I've been in a situation like this since my teens, so I'm unsure how to proceed. What do people think? Should I just go and have fun and leave it at that, or should I try and have what to me seems like a super awkward conversation? I don't want to hurt her feelings if she is actually interested, but at this point I have no clue.
aussietigerwolf Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Maybe she hasn't done it for the same reasons?
Mumbles Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 You're the guy - you have to make the move. Some women will do it for you, but in my experience, very few. This is likely to be particularly true if she is 'super pretty' as you say. She'll doubtless be quite used to guys making their intentions very clear to her and is probably waiting for you to get your sh*t together and make the move I'd say if you don't "man up" and do this you'll be the one not getting the next date, she'll figure you are not interested and move on herself. You say you're flirty by nature, well, let that Jack out of the box eh? You can then judge how well its accepted. Better to get a real rejection than to dump a great girl because you _might_ get a rejection ... what say you? 1
xxoo Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I'm naturally a very flirty/playful/affectionate guy, but I won't show that side of myself, until I'm sure it will be excepted. At this point I feel like I'm muting myself, and barely showing what I consider to be a significant part of who I am. That's no way to go through life. Nothing risked, nothing gained. You are attracted this woman, and are on the 4th date. For goodness sakes, flirt! 1
candie13 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 all girls enjoy a good laugh, so make her laugh. Easy to let your guard down and hers as well. I think you are super analyising the situation instead of enjoying the moment and going with the flow. Maybe you find the fact that she is so pretty a bit intimidating? Well, she is dating you, obviously likes you, enjoys your company... instead of looking at what she says, look at what she does! She called? Man, I've dated guys for months and never called. You're good to go, I say kiss her !
Author Lonely Ronin Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 Maybe she hasn't done it for the same reasons? She didn't seem to have an problem the night I meet her. I mean, it's like as soon as I asked her out on a date everything went on lock down. For goodness sakes, flirt! You say you're flirty by nature, well, let that Jack out of the box eh? all girls enjoy a good laugh, so make her laugh. Easy to let your guard down and hers as well. I have been flirting, just at like 5% of my capacity, and While I'm not a comedian, I have made her laugh a great deal. I think you are super analyising the situation instead of enjoying the moment and going with the flow. lol, that's just how my mind works. It's always going a 100 miles an hour, and analyzing a million little things about the world around me. Maybe you find the fact that she is so pretty a bit intimidating? The only thing about women that turns me off, as I wouldn't really call it intimidates, is if she super sexual/suggestive with her flirting from the word go. She called? Man, I've dated guys for months and never called. You're good to go, I say kiss her ! Ok, but I consider this common courtesy. We talked about the date right after are last one but I need to confirm the location and time(it moves venues weekly) of the event we are going to. She was actually just calling to let me know that yes she was free at time, and wanted to go. I think the best way to describe it by analogy. Have you even been in a traffic jam on the high way? You start moving picking up speed, 10, 20, 230 and your starting to think cool, that wasn't so bad. Then just as you get comfortable, and really moving a long the guy in front of you jacks the breaks, and it's back to bumper car mode. That's kind of what this feels like to me.
crude Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 The episode from Seinfeld comes to mind, when Elaine told Jerry about her date, and how "he took it out".
kimberlydoll Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 What you posted is the same exact thing that happened to me with a guy I met online. I am affectionate and kinda playful but I dont do it to just any guy. Most will just use it as an opportunity to string me along or use me for sex. I didnt do it with this guy because I never got the vibes from him he really liked me When I broke it off with him after dating for 2 months (not bf/gf) and he asked why I said I didnt get serious vibes from him. He enjoyed my company but nothing more. He said he got that from me too and he doesnt show his true feelings until hes sure the girl is interested. We never recovered though- his detachment made me lose interest in him overall and I didnt want to continue seeing him. Two cautious people dating doesnt really work
xxoo Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I think the best way to describe it by analogy. Have you even been in a traffic jam on the high way? You start moving picking up speed, 10, 20, 230 and your starting to think cool, that wasn't so bad. Then just as you get comfortable, and really moving a long the guy in front of you jacks the breaks, and it's back to bumper car mode. That's kind of what this feels like to me. If the momentum doesn't pick up during your 4th date, you could simply tell the above and ask how she feels about it.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 If the momentum doesn't pick up during your 4th date, you could simply tell the above and ask how she feels about it. Yea, I'm trying to figure out how to word that in a nicer way, and also explain about my personality, in-case she is holding back. I hate hate hate conversations like this, i don't like the risks of hurting someones feelings.
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