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maybe it's a moment of madness because i can't get back to sleep

calgary

By calgary
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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calgary Established Member

calgary

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I feel extremely upset right now.

 

I've been no contact since Saturday last weekend so 10 days or so.

 

we've been broken up since new years. losing her was probably the saddest thing that's ever happened to me.

 

I really feel like getting in touch and apologising.. I dumped her over stuff that seems minor now in the scheme of things.. I could tolerate that stuff to still have her here with me... she told me last time I saw her she doesn't want a relationship right now.

 

I'm just really upset and lonely, maybe i'll see sense in a couple of days i'll be grateful I never sent anything.. but right now I really want to.

 

why do I still want her back why am I still feeling this way?

 

i'm still no contact and that's probably the best thing to remain... either way if I still want her back or I want to move on right ? no contact is meant to help me heal but it's not at all, it's just making me want her more and more.

 

just need talking out of it / talking into it / I don't know, this feeling may pass in 24 hours.. I still think of her 24/7 though.

adelia Established Member

adelia

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That's awful when you can't turn your thoughts off. Why don't you give yourself permission to not make any decisions on this tonight and think about it tomorrow. Then you can get rest but know you'll rethink things in the morning

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calgary Established Member

calgary

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That's awful when you can't turn your thoughts off. Why don't you give yourself permission to not make any decisions on this tonight and think about it tomorrow. Then you can get rest but know you'll rethink things in the morning

I wish it was that easy! everytime I put my head on the pillow it starts thinking about stuff, I feel like fighting it makes me restless. I've actually felt really good all day! just every now and then I feel like getting in touch and it's probably a bad idea! even if I rethink things in the morning getting in touch is probably a bad decision in the long run no matter how good an idea it seems. I can't get her back i'm just embarrassing myself.

singme2sleep Established Member

singme2sleep

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Honestly I read your post and my first thought was "I wish my ex would regret breaking up with me!" You are proof that dumpers do regret and they do miss the person they broke up with. I firmly believe that some people have to walk away from love to truly appreciate it. However I'm sorry that your ex doesn't want to get back together. But perhaps her feelings will change after more time has passed. I'm not saying that you should wait around for her to return but after awhile of no contact she will feel the void of not having you in her life. If you've already told her you still love her, that's all you can do now. Just work on yourself and healing your heart. What's meant to be will always find a way. And breakups hurt, so don't be too hard on yourself, nobody gets over someone they loved over night. Good luck!

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calgary Established Member

calgary

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Honestly I read your post and my first thought was "I wish my ex would regret breaking up with me!" You are proof that dumpers do regret and they do miss the person they broke up with. I firmly believe that some people have to walk away from love to truly appreciate it. However I'm sorry that your ex doesn't want to get back together. But perhaps her feelings will change after more time has passed. I'm not saying that you should wait around for her to return but after awhile of no contact she will feel the void of not having you in her life. If you've already told her you still love her, that's all you can do now. Just work on yourself and healing your heart. What's meant to be will always find a way. And breakups hurt, so don't be too hard on yourself, nobody gets over someone they loved over night. Good luck!

she was really flirty with other guys like holding hands and stuff? I asked her to stop but it never stopped it just got worse, she seemed really distant with me, it was breaking me so bad I needed to get away.. but now i'm away it's just flat out awful! I didn't want to end it but I felt like she was getting distant. I miss her all the time. but I feel like she's not as interested in me. i'll stay no contact. can't even look at other girls, it feels so wrong not being with her.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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holding hands isnt flirty, its outright cheating if you ask me...I hope we live on the same planet

 

Yeah, holding hands goes well past flirting. It's a pretty intimate gesture.

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calgary Established Member

calgary

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thanks guys! I made the right decision ending it! holding hands with another guy was unacceptable! I still can't believe I got called insecure for saying it was wrong .

Mack05 Established Member

Mack05

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Calgary old buddy. Try reading back through your all threads when you are feeling like this. Right now you are like an addict looking for a hit. Please please buy the book how to break your addiction to a person. It will really help you when you have days/nights like this.

 

The longer you stay NC the worse it gets. People normally break NC between weeks 2-4. That's when the realisation kicks in that your ex is probably not coming back. Listen to her words......."I don't want to be in a relationship right now". She's knows where you are if she changes her mind, but you need to accept this is highly unlikely. I really hope she stays NC. She's not good for man. Manipulative girls are a nightmare. If you get back together you will end up a LOT worse then you are now.

 

If you go back saying sorry she will lose respect for you. She knows she did wrong. All this stuff with her saying it's your insecurity. That is only a mind f***. My ex used to do the same. Why? Because like your ex she was manipulative and very clever. She knew what buttons to press. Therefore you are left thinking that you are the problem. I know you see good in her. There is plenty good in my ex, but that doesn't mean they make good partners.

xDazedandConfusedx Member

xDazedandConfusedx

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I know exactly how you feel. I broke over a week of NC on Sunday. Broken up for a month today and in between there was a few messages but not many.

 

He replied almost immediately on Sunday and we spent about 2 hours on video skype that night (we live far apart). It was an amazing chat - nothing heavy, and he told me how much he missed seeing me and that he would love to see me again.

 

This made me feel good in a way that I know its not just me hurting and missing, but I don't want this to give me false hope....

 

I feel for you and sometimes the anxiety gets so much it drives you crazy....I wish I had good advice, but I have none and also don't know what to do myself.

magnoliasoutherly Established Member

magnoliasoutherly

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no contact is meant to help me heal but it's not at all, it's just making me want her more and more.
Actually it isn't. That's you doing that.

 

The best thing to do (besides NC) is get your mind off of her. Find something to do. Go out with your friends, read, do whatever. The things you should NOT do are anything that would remind you of her such as listening to music, getting on the computer, going to certain restaurants, etc.

 

It WILL get better. The length of time is different for everyone. Some are good after a couple of weeks and for others it takes months. Don't try to slap a time on it though. Take it minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour and day-by-day.

 

Tell yourself you choose not to think about it and then do something constructive.

 

We're here for you! Hugs.

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calgary Established Member

calgary

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Calgary old buddy. Try reading back through your all threads when you are feeling like this. Right now you are like an addict looking for a hit. Please please buy the book how to break your addiction to a person. It will really help you when you have days/nights like this.

 

The longer you stay NC the worse it gets. People normally break NC between weeks 2-4. That's when the realisation kicks in that your ex is probably not coming back. Listen to her words......."I don't want to be in a relationship right now". She's knows where you are if she changes her mind, but you need to accept this is highly unlikely. I really hope she stays NC. She's not good for man. Manipulative girls are a nightmare. If you get back together you will end up a LOT worse then you are now.

 

If you go back saying sorry she will lose respect for you. She knows she did wrong. All this stuff with her saying it's your insecurity. That is only a mind f***. My ex used to do the same. Why? Because like your ex she was manipulative and very clever. She knew what buttons to press. Therefore you are left thinking that you are the problem. I know you see good in her. There is plenty good in my ex, but that doesn't mean they make good partners.

you're right , like I said I just had a moment and came to vent. didn't break no contact.

 

yea I shouldn't apologize. she's put me through a lot lately and I had every right to end things she wasn't considering my feelings and still isn't after the break up, but expects me to care about her.

 

Trying my best. getting food with friends tonight. A few friends are travelling out to see me this weekend, just trying to keep busy but it feels like i'm just trying to keep busy in order to forget about her rather than just to enjoy myself at the moment.

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calgary Established Member

calgary

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Actually it isn't. That's you doing that.

 

The best thing to do (besides NC) is get your mind off of her. Find something to do. Go out with your friends, read, do whatever. The things you should NOT do are anything that would remind you of her such as listening to music, getting on the computer, going to certain restaurants, etc.

 

It WILL get better. The length of time is different for everyone. Some are good after a couple of weeks and for others it takes months. Don't try to slap a time on it though. Take it minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour and day-by-day.

 

Tell yourself you choose not to think about it and then do something constructive.

 

We're here for you! Hugs.

I understand, it's just a lot easier said than done, I feel like the only reason i'm busy and doing things is to not think about her, when really it feels like 'im wasting my time doing a lot of this stuff. I feel ungrateful that people are willing to look after me and hang out.. it's like I am hurting the people that care for me and caring about the person that hurt me. Its so messed up !

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calgary Established Member

calgary

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I know exactly how you feel. I broke over a week of NC on Sunday. Broken up for a month today and in between there was a few messages but not many.

 

He replied almost immediately on Sunday and we spent about 2 hours on video skype that night (we live far apart). It was an amazing chat - nothing heavy, and he told me how much he missed seeing me and that he would love to see me again.

 

This made me feel good in a way that I know its not just me hurting and missing, but I don't want this to give me false hope....

 

I feel for you and sometimes the anxiety gets so much it drives you crazy....I wish I had good advice, but I have none and also don't know what to do myself.

aw that sounds positive! just be careful, my ex got in touch after about a month saying she wanted to talk.. we did, we held hands. we hugged , she put her head on my shoulder and cried, told me she loved me and missed me... and then told me she didn't want a relationship right now. week later she was out drunk with friends and came to the place I was going to avoid her and started accusing me of all kinds of things that she knew weren't true. she wanted me to text her but I just haven't, I was pretty hurt. still kind of hope to get the ' i'm sorry about that night out and I miss you ' text.. but that won't happen. I need to stop hoping that will happen.

xDazedandConfusedx Member

xDazedandConfusedx

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Oh Alcohol!! Never good when there are too many emotions to deal with involved!

 

I do think she has to apologize for her behavior, and that she is clearly still hung up on you otherwise she would not have bothered even showing up. But she needs to understand that she has no right to show up where you are and accuse you of things!

 

Thanks, I will be careful! I decided that I will not initiate contact, but will respond when he does. He texted me the whole day yesterday (like it used to be, just without the little pet names), but I'll play it cool for now.

magnoliasoutherly Established Member

magnoliasoutherly

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I understand, it's just a lot easier said than done, I feel like the only reason i'm busy and doing things is to not think about her, when really it feels like 'im wasting my time doing a lot of this stuff. I feel ungrateful that people are willing to look after me and hang out.. it's like I am hurting the people that care for me and caring about the person that hurt me. Its so messed up !
I know. It's VERY hard. You're not ungrateful either. Pain is pain and it's very hard to deal with.

 

It's also hard when you can't concentrate on a task. Just do the best you can and be proud of yourself for it. Hugs.

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