numbandfrustrated Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I seperated from my ex back in Dec. I asked for it so obviously I'm at a very diffrent stage of the healing then he is. At this point I feel like I cant make a move without him knowing about it. Honestly we both work in EMS/Fire and well it's the world of gossip. He SWORE I left him for someone else and I didn't. I just couldn't do our marriage anymore. We had grown apart, he says he never saw it coming and I have no clue when everyone else did. I didn't want to hurt him but couldnt do the unhappiness anymore either. I was becoming very angry and nasty towards him which wasnt fair. Recently I have met someone that I really enjoy spending time with, everything I was looking for in my ex this person holds. He has a daughter like me and we have sooo much in common. Needless to say the ex just found out I was talking to someone and instantly took it to the next level. I find out today he was at my house taking stuff (which was his) but without my knowledge of him coming as I'm on shift and wasnt even there, he went through my clothes and saw a guys shirt, after we agreed to do the divorce ourselves; he went and hired "a pitbull" of an attorney, he's tracked my cell phone before (which is in MY NAME not even his), and everyone who knows me is going back and telling him my every move. He has said some really nasty things and I just feel like I'm loosing my damn mind. He has become this person I never knew. He has become so angry and mean..... I don't know what to do anymore.
2sure Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Many people find it isn't a good idea to date until the divorce is final. You might want to step back from your new relationship until it is. 1
Minnie09 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Sorry your d is getting nasty. But my lawyer always told me not to date until the d is final. Not that it matters in most states, but the judge might be biased if the whole dating thing becomes public. It throws a negative light on you, and since it was you who asked to separate, the assumption is that you might have had an inappropriate relationship with OM during your m, while you were still living together. I don't know if he can use the phone records in court, but if you did not talk to anyone while you were still with your H, this might actually help you in showing that you met the OM AFTER and not WHILE your M was still "intact".* And as far as his belongings are concerned, I wouldn't hold that against him. It's his stuff after all, so what? Looks like you'll need a lawyer now as well.........good luck!* 1
Author numbandfrustrated Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 Sad part is in NC it's going to be a year before D is final. We could do the uncontested in 30 days but he won't do it. I can't afford an attorney as I dont get any child support or alimony. It's just so frustrating I feel like no matter what I say or do I am getting slammed. I am just trying to keep my head up and move forward in my life and I can't even do that....
amaysngrace Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Is the divorce filed? You really should get an attorney because he has one now and you don't so of course it's going to seem like you're drowning. He has a huge advantage over you by having legal counsel. As soon as you get your own lawyer you will see things level out some. Given the fact that you and he had an arrangement to do it yourself and he broke that, you may be able to have your legal expenses paid by him. Speak to a lawyer.
carhill Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 You can petition the court for orders of support in your initial divorce filing. You can append/amend that filing for such orders, especially temporary child support. Most lawyers accept credit cards. I put almost ten grand on one during our D, for both direct D and business-related matters relevant to the D. The only caveat was that I had to pay for each billing; they wouldn't do a recurring charge. Even amicable divorces are difficult and heart-wrenching. The good news is life gets better. I'll echo the other posters who caution against dating while in the process, especially with a minor child and especially in a state like NC, which still has statutes on the books for criminal conversation, an old criminal statute relevant to infidelity, along with civil sanctions. NC can be tricky, depending on how good the lawyer is and who the judge is. Better safe than 'other'. Good luck.
ver13 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 IMO you need to put this thing with the new guy on hold until your D is over. The fact that you have so many things in common has nothing to do with the main issue, your still M legally. If this relationship is mean't to be then you can wait awhile for it.
Chi townD Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I agree, you need to put things on hold with this other guy. And if he found a mans shirt in the house that isn't his, he (and I) would speculate that you've already had this guy over. He can REALLY cause some problems for you AND for the guy that you're dating. Alienation of affection lawsuits (because, techincally, your still married and this new guy is coming between the possibility of any chance of reconciliation), RO against the guy stating that he can't be around the house or your daughter until the divorce is finalized. You're giving him a lot to work with.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 I seperated from my ex back in Dec. I asked for it so obviously I'm at a very diffrent stage of the healing then he is. At this point I feel like I cant make a move without him knowing about it. Honestly we both work in EMS/Fire and well it's the world of gossip. He SWORE I left him for someone else and I didn't. I just couldn't do our marriage anymore. We had grown apart, he says he never saw it coming and I have no clue when everyone else did. I didn't want to hurt him but couldnt do the unhappiness anymore either. I was becoming very angry and nasty towards him which wasnt fair. Recently I have met someone that I really enjoy spending time with, everything I was looking for in my ex this person holds. He has a daughter like me and we have sooo much in common. Needless to say the ex just found out I was talking to someone and instantly took it to the next level. I find out today he was at my house taking stuff (which was his) but without my knowledge of him coming as I'm on shift and wasnt even there, he went through my clothes and saw a guys shirt, after we agreed to do the divorce ourselves; he went and hired "a pitbull" of an attorney, he's tracked my cell phone before (which is in MY NAME not even his), and everyone who knows me is going back and telling him my every move. He has said some really nasty things and I just feel like I'm loosing my damn mind. He has become this person I never knew. He has become so angry and mean..... I don't know what to do anymore. Divorce brings out the worst in people. Divorces hardly ever go smoothly. The only ones I've heard of are the ones with both parties want the divorce. In your case you husband didn't want it, and since you dating it makes it worse. It's better to date once the divorce is done.
dichotomy Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Get a good attorney. Beg, borrow money. If not, child support, visitation and other terms are going to be forced on you in a way that favors him and it will make the next decade heck for you, your kid(s) and possible future marriage. I speak as a second husband (of a gal like you) with a crazy ex husband.
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