guy0808 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 In a nutshell, here is the background story... Girl in her forties and I am in the thirties. We work together and see each other daily and chat and have lunch. We always flirted and eventually led to something more. We had a fling during summer time where she and I hung out daily and it got passionate but I was afraid to commit because of age issues and her having a child and all the drama. This lasted about 4 good months. We took a couple month time off because she felt she wasn't receiving what she is expecting out of me and I missed her during those times. It gave me time to think about what is important and what is not. We communicated and talked and took things slower. She says she likes me a lot and cares about me but worries about long term implications and the different in age and the fact she has a child. So she is in my shoes, like how I was hesitant from before. I told her that I understand and is patient that her family takes priorities but will always be available to her. We kept this on for another few months and made time for each other when she is available. We still remained close but didn't text or call as much. We still got physical when we had time and things weren't hot like summer times but still moving towards a positive direction. We are and have been like best friends to each other and some things happened in her family life where she has less time for me but I expressed to her that I understand and is willing to be supportive and not pushy. She becomes wishy-washy all this time and would text/call when she wants and doesn't as she likes. We still are super cool at work and I thought giving her some space was the right thing to do because I took her for granted during summer and now I want to make things right. Suddenly this month, she comes out of the left field and says she can't do this anymore but still cares deeply about me. She wants to keep me as a friend but I told her that just complicates things. She want me to find someone more my age and all these other excuses why we are not compatible. We had a serious communication about the what ifs and what nots, and I really felt that I was handling it in a mature way where I am wanting to work on things and have a relationship; regardless, of age and differences and not worry about the future but enjoy each other as days go by. Is she really not interested or is she keeping me on the back burner and stringing me along or does she have emotional and relationship issues in general? I do care about her and from what we shared and done, I feel she is the same way. I am frustrated as to remain dedicated to her or just blow her off as I feel like she wasted my time by not being clear. Do I act like a jerk and play hard to get? Thank you!
outsidethebox Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 In my opinion you had your chance, you had issues committing to her, and now she shares those issues probably because you had/have them. Even if you up and said those are no longer issues and you're committed to her there would be a trust issue of your change of heart. She isn't playing a game and there is no hard to get game to play in my opinion. If you want to be committed to her as future husband and father she might be able to be convinced.
Author guy0808 Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 In my opinion you had your chance, you had issues committing to her, and now she shares those issues probably because you had/have them. Even if you up and said those are no longer issues and you're committed to her there would be a trust issue of your change of heart. She isn't playing a game and there is no hard to get game to play in my opinion. If you want to be committed to her as future husband and father she might be able to be convinced. I feel maybe if I lost my chance from the summer fling, it would of been clear and her and I wouldn't drag it along anymore. I don't believe she is looking for a husband nor father to her child. She may be just looking for someone to have fun with. But in the same time, what she says and does makes me feel she is better than that to just "used me" which a grown, mature woman wouldn't typically do? My heart to her has been sincere and genuine since the time off and I've been consistent towards her for the last 5 months since taking it slower again. And it proved because we still been passionate for each other and maintained great relationship. Things aren't as hot as before but steady ...
outsidethebox Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I don't know how much clearer she can make it than what she told you. And I don't know why you don't think she would be looking for a husband and someone who accepts her child. It was an issue with you and you two have doscussed it. If it wasn't an issue between you two that wouldn't have happened. And this fling - consistent - slower stuff is the way you see it, which is basically a way to rationalize what happened. To her you were a bf who didn't want to commit to her and now she has ended it. Maybe someone else sees it the way you do and has more insight for you but pretty straightforward and expected reaction from her in my opinion.
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