Broken Hearted by Russian Girl.

[Rainmkr555]

I live in Chicago. A couple of years ago (July 2010) I met a Russian girl online who lived in Iceland with her Mom and brother. We connected immediately. It was not long before we were talking every day. We would talk online, on the phone, on web cam, we mailed presents to each other, and exchanged tons of photos of each other. After a couple of months of talking every day, we realized we had strong feelings for each other and as crazy as it sounds, started telling each other I love you. We grew very close very fast. I of course was at first captured by her beauty, but after we talked a few times my fondness of her grew much deeper than just her looks. We would talk for hours and hours and she was so loving and caring toward me. She asked to see photos of my family and I in turn saw photos of her family. We told each other our life’s stories. We really were truly in love.

 

She kept asking me to come to Iceland and see her, and I told her I would many times. We talked about things we would see and do together while I was there. But I was stupid, and never made plans to go. I always gave her some sort of excuse as to why I could not come now. At first she was ok with it, because she loved me sooo much she would say. I wanted to see her so much but never pulled the trigger and went. After about a year and a half of talking, I could tell she was getting fed up with me. Earlier this year her messages were getting very cold and there was a month span where we never messaged each other.

 

Then, in February 2012, I sent her a Valentine’s Day card and she replied to it saying thank you so much. I made the decision to come see her. I bought a ticket and was going to travel there at the end of March. But I wanted to see if she REALLY did still care for me. After the Valentine’s Day message I did not message her at all, and she did not message me. I wanted to see if she would remember my birthday. February 24 came and went with no message at all from her. I was so hurt. I sent her a message stating how hurt I am and that I had bought a ticket to come see her but that I had now canceled it since I am obviously not important to her anymore. She replied back telling me she does love me and that she does want me to come see her in Iceland. But I had cancelled that ticket already. I told her I would book another one soon. We talked for a few more weeks but I could tell she was getting cold again toward me. Then at the end of March I sent her a message and she never replied again. And I refused to write her back until she replied to my message.

 

A month and a half went by and I was really missing her. Her birthday is May 8th so I sent her flowers. She got them and we talked on the phone. She told me that I hurt her and that I still MAY have a chance. Then she told me something shocking. She said in July she will be coming to Chicago. I did not ask why she was coming here but I was excited. At the time she did not tell me at all why she is coming here. I did not want to push her to tell me why because I wanted to ease my way back in her life. After a week of her sending me cold messages again I sent her an email asking why is she still being so cold toward me. She replied telling me that the reason she is coming to Chicago is because she is coming to see another man who lives here who she met in February online. I was devastated. But I did not write her back.

 

I called her a week later and she hung up on me when she realized it was me. A month went by and at the end June I got so desperate. I called her and when she realized it was me she told me to "go to hell" and hung up the phone. I called her back over and over but she never answered. I sent her emails and she replied to some of them telling me that she was an idiot for waiting so long for me and that this man asked her to come see him and that is why she is going. I was in so much pain, knowing that she would be in my city to see another man. She arrived here on July 2nd 2012. We communicated on FB while she was here but she told me I am too late, she is here with this man and she cannot see me or hurt him. I told her I love her so much and I want to marry her and all this stuff I truly felt. After 3 days of me messaging her like crazy, she agreed to meet me. While I was at work on Tuesday July 10 she sent me a message saying she can meet me in a park for an hour, while this guy is at work. I rushed over there, we met, and at the time it was wonderful. She was mad at me of course but she let me explain things. I wanted to hold her hand and she let me and we even shared a short kiss on the lips. She said to me if I come to Iceland and prove my love to her that she would be with me again no matter what this man does. She also said, on her own without me asking anything, that she wished it was ME she was in Chicago to see and not this other man. But she could not leave this man now because he would be hurt and implied that when she gets back to Iceland we will talk the way we used to and she will wait for me to visit her in Iceland next month. I tried to understand. So we parted and I sent her a message that night telling her how happy I was and how I will come see her and how I love her and will prove that to her.

 

She did not message me for 2 days and it was a cold message she finally sent saying she had got sick. I messaged her saying sorry and more stuff about how much I love her. She did not message me for another 3 days, during which I sent her a couple of messages asking her to tell me what she thought of meeting me and if she still loved me. She finally replied that she would message me later that day but she never did. I sent her a message the next day on FB asking where she was and that I thought she would message me yesterday. Five minutes after I sent that message, she blocked me. I was so upset. I sent her an email asking why she did that and asking did she not like what I looked like in person or something, but no reply. The next day she sent me an email telling me that it’s not about looks, it’s about me, and she does not like my behavior, and that she is deeply in love with this man now she is here with. That she loves everything about him, that she realized she has no feelings for me now, it’s too late, and that my "time is gone". I was in so much pain. I can understand why she is upset but why would she give me false hope like that? Telling me if I come to Iceland she will be with me again and telling me that she wished she was here with ME and not HIM only to have her say 5 days later that she loves this man and wants to be with him. I was in so much pain all last month and would do anything to get her back. She went back to Iceland on July 22. I wanted to call her so badly when she got home, but I knew it might hurt me even more knowing that she was in my city for 3 weeks with another man and probably having sex with him every night.

 

I did not call her until 3 days after she got back to Iceland. She picked up, and I said “Hi, I need to talk to you please” She said “please leave me alone, it’s over” and hung up. I called her again later that day and left her a voice mail where I asked her why did she lie to me that day in the park and give me false hope like that. I also said that some of my friends think she is just wanting to marry an American man and that I am so stupid for being so hurt over her. This obviously upset her because she sent me an email 5 hours later telling me how I need help and that I need to “take this like a man” and stop crying and that she told me those things in the park that day to let me feel the false hope she felt I gave her for so long. She also said many other horrible things to me. And she said that she was waiting for me for a long time and that she found this other man online by “accident”. She then told me to “get lost” and that she is engaged now to this man and will marry him. I did not reply and I’m not going to.

 

I decided I need to try and move on. My heart was broken, I was depressed, and I was in terrible pain, and I missed her so much. But I knew holding onto her would only prolong my suffering. So for the next 2 months I went out with friends as much as I could, went to the gym obsessively, and even went on two dates. Then, in the middle of September I got an email out of the blue from this girl. I'm going to copy and paste the whole exchange:

 

Her first message:

 

"well, I dont know. Sorry for disturbing you, I just have noone to talk to. I dont want to marry. I am totally lost and I dont know what to do. I should be back to Chicago on September 23rd, and I dont know what to do "

 

My response:

 

"Hello, What has happened? Why do you have no one to talk to? What happened to this man?"

 

Her:

 

"That's only logical that I don't want to tell him that I don't want to be with him. I am just not sure why am I doing that. I don't know if I have to. I was supposed to have all my belongs sent and my car sold up to now. But I never did that because my heart says to stay home in Iceland. I am even more upset and depressed now than ever before."

 

Me:

 

" And why don't you want to be with him?"

 

Her:

 

"Because I don't love him and we are way too different. And I am not the type who can marry anyone just to use this relationship."

 

Me:

 

"But you chose this man over me because you said he was so wonderful and that you liked everything about him. How is he different from you?"

 

Her:

 

"I am not talking about you and me now. I just needed to share my concerns with someone. Just forget that."

 

Me:

 

"Can I call you right now and we can talk about this please? You can share all your concerns with me about it. I'll listen."

 

Her:

 

" I am going out now to grab pizza. I'll be home later. You know that I never go to sleep early."

 

Me:

 

"Ok. Iceland pizza is not nearly as good as Chicago pizza is it? ))) ok well I'll call you later tonight."

 

Her:

 

"Dominos. And actually I did not like your famous Chicago's Pizza. Too much stuff. Ok, we ll talk later then "

 

We ended up talking for a couple of weeks. I would tell her how much I loved her and how if she gives me this second chance I will prove that I want to marry her and that I want her living in Chicago with me. She listened and we talked often but she was very cold toward me. She would tell me what she did not like about this other man in Chicago and she even told me that she ended it with him. I asked her if there was anything this man could do to get her back and she said "no way". I started making plans to go see her in Iceland. I told her I wanted to come see her there first because I felt that if she came back here to Chicago right away that her full attention might not be on me, part of it might be on him. We talked a few more days and then she blew up at me one day and said u had not changed at all and that I'm still not serious about wanting to be with her and that she is going to take a job offer back in her native Russia. I pleaded with her for a few days telling her I was serious but she just ignored me, so I stopped talking to her. Again I tried to move on. Only this time it was a little easier because I knew she would not be coming back here to Chicago to marry that other man (or so I thought). My last contact with her was in the middle of October 2012.

 

During the past few months since then I was doing well. Going on dates with girls who ACTUALLY lived in Chicago. But I still always had her in the back of my mind and would miss her from time to time. Then, right before Valentines Day 2013 I made the decision to send her a gift. I bought her some perfume that I know she loved and I wrote her a card simply saying that I hope she is well, I do not know her current situation but I miss her, and that I want to talk. When I went to the post office to mail it though they told me I cannot send perfume overseas. I was pretty upset. But I said maybe this is a sign that I should not pursue her anymore. So I let it go.

 

However, last week I was going through my contacts on Skype and I came across her profile which shows up even though we are not connected on there anymore. I looked at her info on her profile (HUGE mistake on my part) and it said that her city is CHICAGO!! I was immediately upset. Because I knew that meant she ended up coming back here to be with that man. I sent her an email, my first contact with her since October, and I asked if she was here and I said all this other stuff about how i miss her so much and I hope this is not true that she is back here because I was slowly getting over her and now all that heart break from before is coming back that I had back in July last year when she was here the first time. She wrote me back simply saying "Please leave me alone. I am married, it's too late. I am very happy now." and thats it. I am sooooo freaking angry for looking at her Skype profile now. I knew one day she would find someone else but the last thing I wanted to know is that she was back here in Chicago and married to that man now.

 

I can't do this. I don't know how I am going to get over her now. This has to be true love. Why else would I STILL have this pain? And now, for the rest of my life, I will have the knowledge that she is living in my city (and living only a couple of miles away from me) and married to some other man and being "very happy". But I have NO CHOICE AT ALL. I have to get over her now. But how? Like I wrote earlier, if she had found some man in another city or another country even this would be so much easier. But the fact that she is in such close proximity to me and she wants nothing to do with me makes this pain almost unbearable for me.

 

For those of you who read this whole saga I want to say thank you!! And I would appreciate any advice or insight that anyone can give me.

[Chi townD]

Okay, but you're not gonna agree with this at all. But, she was playing you for a ticket to the states! It was a competition between you and that other dude and the other dude LOST (that's right, he lost because he ended up with her) Dude, Ithink you dodged a bullet. I have a feeling that she bugging the hell out of him to do the paperwork to get him to sponsor her mother and the rest of her family over here. And once they get here, she's probably gonna divorce his ass and take hlf his sh*t. Her only objective was getting to the states either by you or this other poor sap.

 

You need to write this leech off.....Sad to know that this chick is in my city too. GO BEARS!!!!!!!

[Rainmkr555]

Thanks man. I know that you're right. I know her main motivation was to find an American man to marry. But you don't understand how gorgeous this woman is bro. I mean she is so beautiful. She could have any man she wanted. And while yes she wanted an American man, she also wanted a man she was in love with. That man used to be me. And if I had gotten married to her I of course would know that one of her reasons was because I'm American but I would also know that she did it because she truly loved me. Or maybe I'm being naive? But I don't think I am. I mean we talked for over a year and a half and she claims she was totally loyal to me during that time. And I believe her. Because like I said, this girl is freaking gorgeous and could have easily found someone else during that time we were talking. As much as I'd love to believe that she is just using this guy and will probably divorce him in a couple of years. I'm afraid that the reality is that she will start a family soon with him and be with him for the rest of her life. God, every night I go to bed alone now all I do is think about how she is only a couple of miles away in this other man's bed and probably having sex with him at that exact moment I fear that this will drive me insane for long long time.

 

Anyone else have any advice or insight for me on this whole ridiculous saga of mine?

[magnoliasoutherly]

I can't do this. I don't know how I am going to get over her now. .. Why else would I STILL have this pain?

Because you keep opening up the wound.

 

First off, you need to block her from everything. Stop stalking her on Skype, FB or whatever else. Second, understand that she was very likely never in love with you. She was trying to keep her options open and was probably playing several of you at once.

 

Second, thank your lucky stars that she got her hooks into someone else. Had that been you instead, that would only be pain x1000 when you finally came to that realization.

 

It's obvious you feel like you love her. I will admit that online relationships can work (I'm married to a man I met online in a forum) but I'm one of the lucky ones. There are very few of us who do.

 

In any case, the biggest advice is to have absolutely NO CONTACT with her whatsoever, to include reading profiles, old emails, old chats, etc. Don't leave them in a folder hoping that one day you'll be able to read them without pain. Just delete it all.

 

Don't listen to any music that reminds you of her, or perhaps any music at all (many have words that will spark memories). Don't do anything as a routine that you used to do.

 

As for the visions of her having sex with someone, only you can learn to refocus yourself. Get up and do something, anything. Go workout, read a thriller, avoid anything romantic like comedies or whatever. Go out with your friends.

 

The days will get better. It won't happen right away, but it will happen.

 

Hugs.

[Chi townD]

Thanks man. I know that you're right. I know her main motivation was to find an American man to marry. But you don't understand how gorgeous this woman is bro. I mean she is so beautiful. She could have any man she wanted. And while yes she wanted an American man, she also wanted a man she was in love with. That man used to be me. And if I had gotten married to her I of course would know that one of her reasons was because I'm American but I would also know that she did it because she truly loved me. Or maybe I'm being naive? But I don't think I am. I mean we talked for over a year and a half and she claims she was totally loyal to me during that time. And I believe her. Because like I said, this girl is freaking gorgeous and could have easily found someone else during that time we were talking. As much as I'd love to believe that she is just using this guy and will probably divorce him in a couple of years. I'm afraid that the reality is that she will start a family soon with him and be with him for the rest of her life. God, every night I go to bed alone now all I do is think about how she is only a couple of miles away in this other man's bed and probably having sex with him at that exact moment I fear that this will drive me insane for long long time.

 

Anyone else have any advice or insight for me on this whole ridiculous saga of mine?

 

Yes, you are being naive. I mean, come on! She was talking with you and then ALL OF THE SUDDEN, she's coming to Chicago to meet up with with another guy; a guy you had NO CLUE existed! A guy she NEVER told you about? Dude, she was working the both of you. Hell, he probably flipped the bill for her to come out to Chicago from Iceland the first time. She was going to where the money was coming from. She didn't fall in love with the American, she fell in love with the American Dream. I don't care how beautiful she is, what she's displayed so far, makes her pretty ugly.

 

Of course she's going to start a family with this guy and pretty quickly too. That would be her anchor baby. To solidify her stay in the US. And when she divorces this dude, more money will be coming her way for child support. She'll get HIS house so the kid/ kids grow up in the martial home....dude, she's got this all planned out.

 

Dude, you dodged a massive bullet. There are plenty of beautiful women in Chicago and these women will want to be with you for no other reason other than that's where they want to be. They'll want to be with you because they WANT to be with a man and not NEED to be with a man. Big Diffence!

 

Write her off, this other sap is in for a hurt locker of massive proportions.

[evondavis1]

Green card, VISA, US citizen is all I am hearing from your story.....don't you know about all the nasty horrible stories you hear about these woman using american men for marriage?? Be happy it was not you, her poor husband will get it in the end.

[Rainmkr555]

Ok......so this girl just sent me an email now. I have not sent her an email since last Thursday when I first found out she was back here in Chicago and married to that other guy and she told me to leave her alone and that I just need to "deal" with her living in Chicago now. This is what she just wrote me:

 

"hey, maybe you want to be my friend at least? we dont have to fight, I would really like that"

 

What is her motive here in asking me to be her friend? Is she really so clueless about my feelings and heart break over her where she feels I could just easily be a "friend" to her while she's married to this other man and having sex with him every night? What should I reply to her with? What does this mean?

[CaliBabe]

Reading this absolutely broke my heart, I am so sorry for your pain.

[philosia]

Ok......so this girl just sent me an email now. I have not sent her an email since last Thursday when I first found out she was back here in Chicago and married to that other guy and she told me to leave her alone and that I just need to "deal" with her living in Chicago now. This is what she just wrote me:

 

"hey, maybe you want to be my friend at least? we dont have to fight, I would really like that"

 

What is her motive here in asking me to be her friend? Is she really so clueless about my feelings and heart break over her where she feels I could just easily be a "friend" to her while she's married to this other man and having sex with him every night? What should I reply to her with? What does this mean?

 

It means she needs a safety net... and that's you. I hope you wake-up soon...

[Svet74]

wow, ok im russian lol

 

Im gonna tell you right now. she wanted to come to america thats it. even if you guys got married she would have divorced u anyway. but your an idiot for not seeing her sooner and making up excues.

 

good for her

[NoLeafClover]

..and then they said Linux mastermind Hans Reiser was heartless lol

 

In Soviet Russia...Women Rape You lmao

[NoLeafClover]

wow, ok im russian lol

 

Im gonna tell you right now. she wanted to come to america thats it. even if you guys got married she would have divorced u anyway. but your an idiot for not seeing her sooner and making up excues.

 

good for her

Good for her?

 

Really? I guess you might as well say good for a thief who is able to steal from any elderly who is not able to defend themselves.

 

So much for having some dignity.

[Minnie09]

Uhm guys, did you not read the op? She lived in Iceland for crying out loud. Northern Europe, for all of you who don't know geography and social economics. Iceland versus the US? I'd go for Iceland in a heartbeat. Better social safety net, better education system, free schools, low poverty rate, safe cities, free daycare, paid maternity (or paternity) leaves with a guarantee to get your position back when you're ready to go back to work, etc etc

Somebody in Europe does not NEED to weasel their way into our nation. Wake up guys? This is not the WW II period.

 

Why on earth would anybody choose to leave a developed european country to get "into the US"? Do you guys really think that our nation is the center of the world? Omg I can't take that much ignorance.

 

I get it. Russian mail order brides and such. But she's already a resident of a developed European country. Better developed than we are, my friends. We're not talking about Nigeria or Swasiland. She was not in Russia anymore when she hooked up with the Chicago boys. And had she been in Iceland as an illegal immigrant, it would've been much easier and faster for her to marry a guy from there. If she's that gorgeous, that shouldn't have been a problem. Jeez.*

[Chi townD]

Uhm guys, did you not read the op? She lived in Iceland for crying out loud. Northern Europe, for all of you who don't know geography and social economics. Iceland versus the US? I'd go for Iceland in a heartbeat. Better social safety net, better education system, free schools, low poverty rate, safe cities, free daycare, paid maternity (or paternity) leaves with a guarantee to get your position back when you're ready to go back to work, etc etc

Somebody in Europe does not NEED to weasel their way into our nation. Wake up guys? This is not the WW II period.

 

Why on earth would anybody choose to leave a developed european country to get "into the US"? Do you guys really think that our nation is the center of the world? Omg I can't take that much ignorance.

 

I get it. Russian mail order brides and such. But she's already a resident of a developed European country. Better developed than we are, my friends. We're not talking about Nigeria or Swasiland. She was not in Russia anymore when she hooked up with the Chicago boys. And had she been in Iceland as an illegal immigrant, it would've been much easier and faster for her to marry a guy from there. If she's that gorgeous, that shouldn't have been a problem. Jeez.*

 

But, you're also forgetting that some of these ladies will try to get out of Russia at any cost. Yeah, she might have been in Iceland, but in order to get there she may have be working under a contract for a company as a bar maid or cleaning lady or... whatever and has to pay off that contract. It's a fine line between human trafficing and an indentured servant. So, she might not have been living the good life up in Iceland. So, she very well could have been looking for a good ol American to get him to fall madly in love with her; buy out the rest of her contract and swing her back to the States.

[Rainmkr555]

So I replied to her message yesterday telling her I do not think there is anyway that I could be friends with her because I still love her so much and want to be with her. She then asked me to come meet her so we can talk. I know I should not have but I agreed to meet her. So last night I met her at this Whole Foods in the city. I brought with me the bottle of perfume I tried to send her for Valentines Day, As soon as I saw her I tried to give it to her, just explaining that I had bought it for her in the first place and I wanted to give it to her. She told me it would not be right of her to accept it. She said I should give it to someone else. So I basically threw the perfume away in a garbage can right in front of her.

 

Anyway, so we went inside the Whole Foods and went up stairs to this area where they have tables to sit down at. She proceeded to tell me that she has been living here for 3 months now and that she IS officially married to this guy. I started asking her why could she have not just given me that second chance in September and that if she had we would probably be married now. She simply said that she just did not believe anything I said to her anymore and that is why she did not let me come see her. We talked and talked and talked and I told her about how much I have missed her and how I have tried to date since and that I cannot find anyone that compares to her. She was very kind and listened to me. She also told me that I will always be a part of her heart because for two years she was "deeply in love" with me (her words). She told me that she really wants my friendship. After we talked for awhile I asked her flat out if she feels that she could be with this man for the rest of her life. She said honestly? I said yes be honest. She said no. She then began telling me about all these problems she has had with him. She says they fight all the time, that they do not have sex, that he lied to her about his age (he told her he is 36 but he's actually 41, she is 27), she said that he seems to be flirting with some girl at his work through texts, and that this man does not seem to appreciate her at all. She made it very clear that she is not happy with him. She even said to me that if I am thinking her life is wonderful here with this man and she is "very happy" like she wrote me last week that I am totally wrong. She then told me how she is thinking of just going back to Iceland. But she said that her green card won't be effective until the end of April and if she left before that she would not be able to come back. She said she might just go back next week and live there again in Iceland and not care about coming back to the US. She said that she missed her mom and that her mom has some short of blood clot now and she's very worried about her. I told her she should just get a divorce after she gets her green card and she said they would deport her right away if she did that. She also said that she would need to stayed married to him for at least seven years if she wanted to keep her American citizenship so that immigration does not think the marriage was fake.

 

We hung out for 3 hours last night and when she got emotional i reached for her hand at the table and she let me hold it for a very long time. I kept telling her she should just go back to Iceland because her relationshp with this man is not going to get better. She said she was confused what to do. I was so upset because I wanted her to just leave that guy and then i would take her back to my place and hope that she could divorce him and just be with me. But its a fantasy. Because if what she says is true, and if she wanted to be with me, if she divorced that man she would be deported right away and we would have no chance to be together unless i moved to Iceland.

 

So we hugged at the end and she said she really hopes I can see her again but only as a friend. She told me that she is going to talk to this man when she gets home about all her issues with him. When she got home she sent me a text (I have her cell # here now) and said that this man did not even seem to care that she was out and did not even ask her who she was with. She then thanked me for being with her tonight.

The next morning I sent her a text asking if she is ok and if she is going to try and make it work with this man. She told me yes she is going to try because she has feelings for him and that is why she married him. What do I do now? I loved seeing her and she was so beautiful and I loved talking to her and holding her hands and sharing emotions with her and laughing but there is no way I will ever be able to be with her. Right?

[Rainmkr555]

........................................ please read my above reply

Edited February 27, 2013 by Rainmkr555

[Chi townD]

Anyway, so we went inside the Whole Foods and went up stairs to this area where they have tables to sit down at. She proceeded to tell me that she has been living here for 3 months now and that she IS officially married to this guy. I started asking her why could she have not just given me that second chance in September and that if she had we would probably be married now. She simply said that she just did not believe anything I said to her anymore and that is why she did not let me come see her. We talked and talked and talked and I told her about how much I have missed her and how I have tried to date since and that I cannot find anyone that compares to her. She was very kind and listened to me. She also told me that I will always be a part of her heart because for two years she was "deeply in love" with me (her words). She told me that she really wants my friendship. After we talked for awhile I asked her flat out if she feels that she could be with this man for the rest of her life. She said honestly? I said yes be honest. She said no. She then began telling me about all these problems she has had with him. She says they fight all the time, that they do not have sex, that he lied to her about his age (he told her he is 36 but he's actually 41, she is 27), she said that he seems to be flirting with some girl at his work through texts, and that this man does not seem to appreciate her at all. She made it very clear that she is not happy with him. She even said to me that if I am thinking her life is wonderful here with this man and she is "very happy" like she wrote me last week that I am totally wrong. She then told me how she is thinking of just going back to Iceland. But she said that her green card won't be effective until the end of April and if she left before that she would not be able to come back. She said she might just go back next week and live there again in Iceland and not care about coming back to the US. She said that she missed her mom and that her mom has some short of blood clot now and she's very worried about her. I told her she should just get a divorce after she gets her green card and she said they would deport her right away if she did that. She also said that she would need to stayed married to him for at least seven years if she wanted to keep her American citizenship so that immigration does not think the marriage was fake.

 

 

Please, please, PLEASE!!!! Re-read what you wrote with your brain and not your heart!

 

You asked her if she was going to stay with this guy. And she said "no". It shouldn't surprise you though. We told you she was. I told you she would! Just as soon as she works it out that she wouldn't get deported as soon is the divorce is finalizes. She worried about mom. She's probably working over the sap she's married to right now about it. She wants him to say, "Gee hon, would you feel better if she was over here in the states with us?"

 

She told you that she was thinking about going back to Iceland, and you said, "Maybe you should to get away from this guy and be with mom!" NOT the answer she was expecting from you because the next day you asked her and she said that she's staying with the poor sap. So much for going back to Iceland and poor old mom.

 

And she told you that if she divorces the poor sap after she gets her green card they're going to deport her anyway. SO!!!!! Hi Mister Back-up Plan!!!

 

Clearly, you have to see that she's working you? You said that she loved you deeply. Well, of course she acted like she "loved" you deeply. Are you going to spring for her to come to the States and marry her and turn your life upside down for someone that "likes you a lot". She had to sell it, and she sold it pretty good to two guys.

 

All I'm gonna say is if you hook up with this woman, you are in for a world of hurt. I don't trust her as far as I can throw her and I've never even met her.

[Rainmkr555]

I'm willing to bet that you're probably a 40 something year old dude that just craves young flesh.

 

Actually I just had my 33rd birthday this past Sunday and I never lied to her about my age like this other freaking guy did. So your theory is all wrong. And am I extremely attracted to her exterior appearance? Of course I am. But my love for her goes much much deeper than that. Hence why I am literally going insane over this while situation.

[NoLeafClover]

Actually I just had my 33rd birthday this past Sunday and I never lied to her about my age like this other freaking guy did. So your theory is all wrong. And am I extremely attracted to her exterior appearance? Of course I am. But my love for her goes much much deeper than that. Hence why I am literally going insane over this while situation.

For God Sakes, seriously dude, What F***ING love do you have for this woman who you barely know and have met online and are obsessed over. Your whole relationship is as virtual as the kids that play online video games all day and it has been remaining that way. You finally got to meet her for what a second time in person and you are telling us "The love for her goes much deeper?"

 

People here have been living, sleeping, hugging and kissing their loved ones for years and still don't know if they are the one.

 

Seriously...SERIOUSLY. Do you think you are tricking us? Cuz you are only making a fool of yourself. Yes I said it because it doesn't seem like anyone has the b*alls to bring it up to you yet.

 

If you haven't even realized, it takes a good amount of time and at least a half@ssed out kiss to at least say you are in love with someone. You have barely hold her hand in 2 years of this so called relationship. What year is it going to be when you wake up and realize you are a grown @$$ man in one of the most childish relationship one has ever heard of since middle-school.

She has you doing circles because she can and you on the other hand are acting like her child. She says jump and you say how high.

 

What is this...she got married? I don't know if I should laugh or cry at you two men(her supposedly husband and you) ...and she is meeting you?

First of, since when it has been cool for a married women to go out meet random dudes that are trying to get with her? Oh wait, of course she hasn't told her so husband she is meeting you.

 

Great wife material you got there. - Who wouldn't want a partner with such high standards e.g. Lying, Sneaky, Unpredictable, Toys Around with any men she can, Selfish, Careless, only goes after what benefits her..Heartless..She sure surpasses all our ex's on here..At least my ex held my hand and skipped around in circles a few times...(kidding obviously)

 

If you haven't realized it yet, when people start to wonder and ask if you're in your 40's and have a thing for young fresh women, that means that they are actually trying to justify the reason of what could be wrong with you being obsessed with what seems to be a complete total stranger.

 

As dumpees we have all done are embarrassing begging, pleading etc, but they are reasonably understanding. Your case however, can't be justified with anything.

What? Are we suppose to feel bad for you that you two haven't talked as much on Skype or spoke on the phone for the past two months?

Or are we suppose to feel bad that you are a grown man being stepped on by some woman you barely know?

 

She is toying with you, how can you let yourself go this far? Aren't you embarrassed she is doing this to you? And you keep running back to her like this is totally normal.

"Excuse me girl I barely know, why don't you love me back?"

A lot of things don't add up here-

You live in Chicago that is such a populated city and are having a hard time finding companionship?

On this website you found her, did you browse specifically for women located 1000+ miles away from you?

 

Cuz it makes no sense. Either women in Chicago don't use dating websites, or your PROXY settings on your browser are not allowing you to lookup local girls.

 

Which one is it, cuz I am not falling for anything here.

 

If you don't start seeing what is going on here, you will be 40+ single and looking for strippers from Soviet Russia still.

 

(..and by the way, the Green-card excuse is all BS. She might have perhaps a visitors Visa which required her 'husband' to be a sponsor for her to visit but not a Green-card. If she did, it wouldn't expire in a year or two. Green-cards expire every 10 years. I have dual citizenship and I know a bit about G.Card BS.

If she got married, then she can stay in the states legally until all the paper work goes through. This means that her husband signed marriage forms and all the marriage crap that come with it (signed by her as well)) If she says she is going back it's highly possible because he did not sign the papers.

She is a liar and a very bad one at it.

[philosia]

........................................ please read my above reply

 

Why did you delete this post in which you explained that she didn't have the right to work in Iceland and the only solution for her was to go back to Russia to find a job and that because of that she wasn't living the good life in Iceland?

 

Those are YOUR WORDS but you deleted them because you are really scared to realize that she really isn't interested in YOU, just in your CITIZENSHIP.

 

You go out of your way to lie to yourself... It's so sad, you developed a sick obsession for this fairytale that is only in your mind, that's it...

 

I wish you well...

[Minnie09]

Fishy. You sure she's married? Because even if she does get divorced, she won't lose her green card if the marriage was less than 7 years. Where's that information even coming from? Totally inaccurate. She gets her GC immediately and then, after 2 years, she gets a permanent one. And even if she gets divorced before that, she can file for a permanent one as a divorcee if she can prove that the marriage was entered in good faith. They're hardly ever turned down. She's bull****ting you big time. Read up on immigration law. And ask her for her marriage certificate. So if she was illegal already in Iceland she's got no reason to go back there. And she's probably in the US as a tourist trying to get M ASAP. Check out all the stripper joints in your area and if you find her I won't be surprised.

[Rainmkr555]

Look guys.....I know that this whole ordeal I'm going through sounds pretty childish to some of you. And I hope that one day (if I ever get over this) maybe I can look back and just laugh at how ridiculous and immature I acted during this whole situation. But the facts are that as of today, right now in the present, I am feeling some of the worst pain I have ever felt. All because of my massive heart break over this girl. Why am I feeling like this? Because my love for her is 100% REAL. If I did not give a crap about her or even care about her then none of this would be bothering me at all. Yes we talked online for almost 2 years without meeting, yes I have only met her in person 2 times, yes this is probably all my fault because if I had just acted sooner and went to see her when she was still "deeply in love" with me, then I might be the one married to her now. I know most of you feel that this other man is the one who really lost out because he DID get to marry her. But I really believe, unfortunately, that while it helped that this man was American, that she would not be here if she didn't really love him.

 

Anyway, I talked to her for an hour on the phone this afternoon. I did some immigration research at work today and found out that once a person who is married to a US citizen gets their green card they do have the right to divorce that person and they will NOT be deported right away. You are given a 6 months grace period after your divorce to stay in the US legally and still work while you get your affairs in order. Once the 6 months are up however you have to leave the country OR if you fall in love again and marry a US citizen during those 6 months you can reapply for your green card again. This girl told me last night how unhappy she was with this man and she was even thinking about going back to Iceland for good. So today when we talked on the phone I told her about this, in hopes maybe she would consider giving me another shot if she divorced this man because she would still be able to stay in the US. But she was not interested at all in this. She proceeded to tell me that she has no feelings for me and does not still love me. That she only wants friendship from me and that this is all my fault. That if I had not screwed up before that maybe she would be here with me now but it's too late. She said she's very loyal and that she really does have feelings for this man and that she is married now and will not betray him.

 

I basically then started crying my eyes out to her and asking her again why did she not give me that second chance back in September and telling her I love her so much and miss her and telling her how all the things she told me last night about what this man is doing which is making her very unhappy will get even worse. I even pointed out to her how she was not wearing a wedding ring last night and how she told me that she doesn't even feel like wearing it for this man AND how she told me that she does not even like referring to this man as her "husband". Which CLEARLY means she is not happy with him and it will only get worse. All she said to me was that I might be right, but it's her mistake to make. She also said that if she does divorce this man that she will just go back to her family in Iceland. I told her there is absolutely no way that I can just be friends with her here if she is married to this man. She said she totally understands that. And that's it. It's over.

Edited February 28, 2013 by Rainmkr555

[Rainmkr555]

Ok....I couldn't do it. I couldn't even make it one night with thinking that I'll never have her in my life again. So I sent her an email this morning telling her I will accept her friendship. This is what I wrote her:

 

 

"I did a lot of thinking last night about everything and I realized that it would be wrong of me to not at least accept your friendship. This July, you and I will have known each other for 3 years and we have shared so much together during this time. Bad and good times. You're living in a foreign city now far away from your mom and brother and other than this man you're with now you are all alone. Even though this pain I have over this situation is almost unbearable for me, it would be incredibly selfish of me to not at least be here for you since we live so close now and you have no friends in this city. I care about you deeply, you know this. And the love I have for you (and yes my love for you is 100% real and not imagined) will take a very long time to go away. Because of these feelings I have for you, it would not be right of me to just abandon you when we live so close and you have no one else here, just because I have this pain over losing you. There is a lot more that I want to say about this but I will save it for later today when I call you around 4:00 when I get out of work. I just wanted to message you now and tell you this. Hope you have a nice day."

 

 

Is this a suicide mission for me or might us actually hanging out together allow her to start having feelings for me again?

[evondavis1]

[You do realize you are actively pursuing a married woman right!!!!!! She is married! Period! What more do you want from her?

 

Leave her alone. She flat out told you she does not love you. It does not matter if she is happy or not. This is none of your business anymore.

 

Move on with your life. You will find someone who actually cares and who actually wants to be with you. She made her choice. There is no making her change her mind, or convincing her otherwise.

 

Cut her off, change your phone #. NC from here on it.

[Chi townD]

She said she doesn't love you, isn't happy with you and to LEAVE HER ALONE!!!! I strongly recommed that you do that.

 

The more you write about this, the more obvious you make it clear that she was just looking for someone to get her to the states. I mean, come on! She said that she doesn't love this dude. Yet! She'll stay with this guy and make it work! Why? BECAUSE SHE FINALLY GOT WHAT SHE WANTED AND IS IN THE STATES!!! She doesn't care who she screws over, who emotions she plays with or who's heart she breaks.

 

I just thank God she doesn't know where you live. I mean, after you told her that if she has a green card and divorces this dude, she has six months to do something to make herself legal or marry someone else. Well, she's not going to do that because you're not a sure thing and she can't depend on you after she knows that she screwed you over pretty hard. She would be worried that you would return the favor. Too many risks. It's best if she stays put and work this other sap over. Wouldn't surprise me in the least if you discover that she's pregnant in the next month or two. She'll have her anchor baby and she gets to stay. She is probably actively screwing this guys eyes out daily trying to get pregnant.