Not coping, can I go online to make friends?! Long but , in a state...

[Ryan_B]

Last Wednesday, my girlfriend of 7 months (I'm 20 and she was my first love, but she used to be engaged for 2 years) broke up from me. I'm still devastated. I keep thinking of all the good/fantastic times we had together, the laughs we had, the nights away, holiday together etc and break down. Every moment of the day is spent thinking of her. We even went on holiday for valentines for the week, get home 3 days before she split from me. I have her beautiful face pictured permently in my mind, and I can't think of anything bad about her. I think of all the places we used to visit and wonder if I'll ever be able to go there again. In my eyes, the relationship was perfect, but obviously it wasn't. I'm really struggling to imagine life without her, I love her so much. She has since added photos to her facebook that she took on holiday (minus me!) and also taken new ones of her, which was really hard to see. She wants to stay friends, but right now I can't because of my feelings for her, so I have cut off all contact from her and deleted her facebook and phone numbers. People tell me I need to get out and make new friends and enjoy life again. It's tough, but I hate feeling like this. I met her on a dating site, and was thinking about joinig up again. Not for a relationship, as even though I'm hating being alone, I WILL NOT REBOUND! But is it ok to sign up, meet with people and become friends? Or is that still like a rebound? I'd love to be able to love again, but that could take months for my feelings to go, but they will, right? I can't bare the thought of life without her, but the feelings we had, the moments we shared, can be relived with a new girl can't they? And it is very possible to love just as much a new partner, right? I'm in a mess right now... Please help!!

[AlexfromBoston]

It'll hurt for a month or so but trust me, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just make sure you're eating properly, exercising regularly and socializing with plenty of people your own age. You're young Ryan, you will bounce back.

[Ryan_B]

Thank you for your reply. Many people have said that to me, but right now I don't believe it/don't want to have to believe it. I had to drive past her house for the first time today and broke down in tears. I love her so much, how do I get these good feelings of out of my mind? All I do is look back and think of all the good times we had together, no matter how big or small the occassion was (i.e sitting in the car park we went too every week for a laugh, to the holiday we had together, to days out, cuddling etc etc). I want to get these good memories out of my mind. How do I find love again? I can't give another girl what I gave her, because she is the one I want! Will these feelings go soon??

[mcdo]

Yep that's going to happen for a while yet. It's completely natural. You have made all the right moves though - cut contact, blocked all avenues of contact.

 

For 2 months I tried in vain to get my ex back. Used everything I had but it was no use. All it did was hold me back from moving on and it prolonged the pain. Only now that I am following no contact do I feel I will make it out the other end in one piece.

 

Keep doing what you're doing. And yes socialise with friends, new people, whoever. Spending time with friends takes my mind off things in a big way.