Wanting to take care of them

[kaylan]

So I just wanted to know how others feel.

 

The girl Im seeing just let me know about a medical condition she has. It can be serious if not properly kept in check, but is totally manageable and a person can remain very healthy if they follow doctors orders.

 

That being said, I know some people might be cautious about certain medical condition for a variety of reasons...ie...potential for future kids to inherit the condition, not being able to emotionally handle what the condition might bring in later life, concerns about the conditions affect on the couples lifestyle, etc

 

Though its a bit soon for me to be thinking of any those things, one thing that definitely swept over me was a big "awwww" when she told me. I kinda just wanted to rub her back, make her tea, and just take care of her. It pisses me off though that some people get dealt not-so-good cards in life, but this girl really takes it all in stride. I really admire her...especially considering she didnt have a great home life growing up too.

 

But yeah...I just wanted to wrap her up in a big bear hug and make everything better.

 

How would some of you react to such news when dating someone pretty new?

Edited February 25, 2013 by kaylan

[ltjg45]

The only female I spent time with was just like that.

 

She is bipolar and was constantly getting suicidal thoughts. I spent a lot of time with her over a few months just to keep her from having those thoughts as much as I possibly can.

 

I, being the caring male that I am, had no issues just hugging her and just being with her. I had no issues cuddling up with her and just to love her for who she is.

 

If the condition is workable, it will only bring me closer to her.

[Estate]

So I just wanted to know how others feel.

 

The girl Im seeing just let me know about a medical condition she has. It can be serious if not properly kept in check, but is totally manageable and a person can remain very healthy if they follow doctors orders.

 

That being said, I know some people might be cautious about certain medical condition for a variety of reasons...ie...potential for future kids to inherit the condition, not being able to emotionally handle what the condition might bring in later life, concerns about the conditions affect on the couples lifestyle, etc

 

Though its a bit soon for me to be thinking of any those things, one thing that definitely swept over me was a big "awwww" when she told me. I kinda just wanted to rub her back, make her tea, and just take care of her. It pisses me off though that some people get dealt not-so-good cards in life, but this girl really takes it all in stride. I really admire her...especially considering she didnt have a great home life growing up too.

 

But yeah...I just wanted to wrap her up in a big bear hug and make everything better.

 

How would some of you react to such news when dating someone pretty new?

 

While it's neither good nor bad to judge someone if they have some sort of condition then if it goes any further, you at least need to be honest about your feelings on it.

 

But your reaction is just so wrong it's not even funny. I'm sure she's a big girl and was able to take care of herself long before you were around and will manage just fine without you. It sounds like you want to "fix" her.

Like some guys just do this... like "Oh, there's something wrong with this girl, I actually feel superior to her now, I will act like a caregiver and "fix" her or "care" for her because I percieve girls who are "ok" to be above my reach"

 

Dude, again, she's a big girl and the absolute most horrible thing you could do is start acting or treating her differently now that you know this.

 

The person above me mentioned bipolar disorder. I dated a girl like this and she made me and my familes life hell. If it IS something like this, it MUST be kept in check, by HER, not you or your life will be a living hell! If she is taking care of herself though it will not effect her and everything will be fine but again, if you let it become your responsibility, you will regret it.

[kaylan]

While it's neither good nor bad to judge someone if they have some sort of condition then if it goes any further, you at least need to be honest about your feelings on it.

 

But your reaction is just so wrong it's not even funny. I'm sure she's a big girl and was able to take care of herself long before you were around and will manage just fine without you. It sounds like you want to "fix" her.

Like some guys just do this... like "Oh, there's something wrong with this girl, I actually feel superior to her now, I will act like a caregiver and "fix" her or "care" for her because I percieve girls who are "ok" to be above my reach"

???? You are super out of line and mistaken buddy.

 

1. If I could "fix" her I would. And by fix, I mean Id cure her and make her life more comfortable if I had the hands of god. I dont like anyone going through what she does, but she takes it in stride. Props to her for that.

 

2. I do not feel superior to her you jerk. I actually told her I feel shes a lot stronger than I and that I admire her.

 

3. I have gotten "ok" girls, and girls who were loads more than "ok". I could get those girls now. Im actually seeing this girl because we click and shes super cool. Chill with the lame internet armchair psychology.

Dude, again, she's a big girl and the absolute most horrible thing you could do is start acting or treating her differently now that you know this.

Um, she actually finds it cute that I wanna take care of her. Im not gonna treat her differently, but I am going to be attentive and caring. Nice assumptions though brah.

The person above me mentioned bipolar disorder. I dated a girl like this and she made me and my familes life hell. If it IS something like this, it MUST be kept in check, by HER, not you or your life will be a living hell! If she is taking care of herself though it will not effect her and everything will be fine but again, if you let it become your responsibility, you will regret it.

When I said medical condition, I didnt mean a mental condition. I would have said that. Im talking something thats physical. So yay, again with the assumptions

[miss_jaclynrae]

Kaylan, I think it is sweet.

[Dark Phoenix]

why do you post these threads?

 

when someone comes here and points out that you aren't "right" in the head, you lie to yourself, probably press the report button because you are so cool and right and can't be wrong

 

do you not see you have a 0% success rate. Everytime you have posted one of these new girl threads, someone comes and tells you its going to blow up in your face, you deflect, it eventually blows up in your face, and then you say you are better then them anyways... women do this crap

[Estate]

I totally agree with the post above.

 

Why would you need to post a thread or even make an issue of this if you REALLY thought it wasn't an issue.

 

Sure, it's nice to be a sweet guy and mind a girl if she has a cold but you are acting like this knight in shining armour coming in running to save the day and you want to be commended for it.

 

There are MAJOR red flags here and this isn't armchair stuff but real world experience.

 

Firstly, trying to be the shining armour guy is just not the way to go. She is her own person with her own life and you are acting like you are sympathising with her for something that was around before you and nobody can control. You should want to do all you say REGARDLY of any condition she has.

 

Secondly, if a girl LOOKS for that attention, then in my experience it is a major red flag. She shouldn't NEED a guy to come running to save the day and from experience as soon as anything goes wrong in the relationship, you will be made feel responsible for everything she has and how dare you leave her or not be there for her at her beck and call.

 

Sure, you won't listen to me, I know that. But there is some seriously bad signs in all your saying to us here.

[carhill]

How would some of you react to such news when dating someone pretty new?

 

'Let's make love and forget all about that'

 

In the past, there would be care, empathy, solicitations to 'talk about it', bla, bla, bla. After many such experiences, and a marriage, I'm cured of that.

[xxoo]

Early on, interest and empathy are appropriate, and sweet.

 

Driving her to dr appts would be a little much

 

I think it is totally normal to feel protective of someone you care about. The question is, did this revelation create the caring feelings? Or do you have these feelings of protection because you do care about her?

[veggirl]

Well, to be perfectly honest, the confession of a crappy medical issue early on would make me feel quite awkward. I wouldn't really know what to say and would likely hem and haw and say "...Im sorry..." and try to change the subject

[kaylan]

why do you post these threads?

 

when someone comes here and points out that you aren't "right" in the head, you lie to yourself, probably press the report button because you are so cool and right and can't be wrong

 

do you not see you have a 0% success rate. Everytime you have posted one of these new girl threads, someone comes and tells you its going to blow up in your face, you deflect, it eventually blows up in your face, and then you say you are better then them anyways... women do this crap

Everytime? What every time? Ive dated 2 women in the last 3 months and before that I rarely spoke about my love life on this forum.

 

Maybe get your memory checked. 0% success rate? Ive only wrote about 1 prior woman Ive actually dated in the last year.

 

And please tell me where you gather any indication about what this girl will or wont do? Because i havent said much about her aside from that shes cool and something regarding our sex life.

Edited February 26, 2013 by kaylan

[Dark Phoenix]

You have 5000+ posts in a year and a half

 

0% success rate...

 

It's very abundantly clear that you were raised by a man hating mother by the way you talk/post on the forum

 

I am not insulting you but most people that want to actually grow up and be successful in life have the ability to see what they are doing and its not working.

 

Your path ahead is nothing but misery and hell if you continue acting/behaving like you are. If you want to live the next 40-50 years miserable, not happy, no peace, and lying to yourself. Keep doing what you are doing. LS is making money off its advertising

 

If you actually want to be "normal" I'd suggest 2 things...

 

1) get some real man friends and shut up and listen to them

2) therapy

[kaylan]

Allow me to smack down some of these assumptions. Because you know what they say when you assume right?

I totally agree with the post above.

 

Why would you need to post a thread or even make an issue of this if you REALLY thought it wasn't an issue.

I never said it was an issue. I was asking other people how they would react in my situation. I wanted to see if other people felt similar to me. I didnt think my reaction was any issue at all. I was merely curious how others would think about this stuff.

Sure, it's nice to be a sweet guy and mind a girl if she has a cold but you are acting like this knight in shining armour coming in running to save the day and you want to be commended for it.

??? Night in shining armor because I dare feel empathy for a girl whos had a tough life? Grow up bro, seriously.

 

There are MAJOR red flags here and this isn't armchair stuff but real world experience.

 

Firstly, trying to be the shining armour guy is just not the way to go. She is her own person with her own life and you are acting like you are sympathising with her for something that was around before you and nobody can control. You should want to do all you say REGARDLY of any condition she has.

Lmao. First off, learn to spell. Regardly? Whats that?

 

Secondly, so wait...now people shouldnt empathize or sympathize for others unless their sympathize on situations that happened after they showed up? Obviously, I want to, and have been getting on well with this chick since we started talking...but the fact that you take issue for me having sympathy for her in some tough situations is really stupid.

 

Secondly, if a girl LOOKS for that attention, then in my experience it is a major red flag. She shouldn't NEED a guy to come running to save the day and from experience as soon as anything goes wrong in the relationship, you will be made feel responsible for everything she has and how dare you leave her or not be there for her at her beck and call.

Another stupid assumption. You want to know how the medical condition came up? Because I asked why she cant do any strenuous exercise. The regulars on this forum know how much I enjoy exercise and fitness...so when I asked why her regimen was what it is, she told me why. She wasnt fishing for attention...I asked and she answered. Thats it.

 

Shes very indepedent and has been single for quite some time now...so shes not looking for saving. But she does like having a guy around who actually shows some damn compassion. Im not gonna be running to her every beck and call, especially because things just started...but I will be a good fellow and be considerate as we move forward.

Sure, you won't listen to me, I know that. But there is some seriously bad signs in all your saying to us here.

Maybe if you showed some maturity and didnt make dumb assumptions, youd see theres nothing wrong with being empathetic towards folks...especially if youre dating them.

 

Tell me more about your super successful dating life, oh great guru know-it-all..

[kaylan]

Well, to be perfectly honest, the confession of a crappy medical issue early on would make me feel quite awkward. I wouldn't really know what to say and would likely hem and haw and say "...Im sorry..." and try to change the subject

It wasnt a confession. I asked about her workout routine and she answered my question. No reason for me to feel awkward.

Early on, interest and empathy are appropriate, and sweet.

 

Driving her to dr appts would be a little much

 

I think it is totally normal to feel protective of someone you care about. The question is, did this revelation create the caring feelings? Or do you have these feelings of protection because you do care about her?

Id say this revelation influenced existing feelings.

You have 5000+ posts in a year and a half

 

0% success rate...

This bullsh!!t again? Its called the internet and 12 posts a day can be easily done in a little less than 30 minutes of browsing time before I sleep at night. You know the internet is on my home pc, work pc, smartphone, and other devices right?

 

You realize Ive prolly dated and have had more sex than you in the last year right? Yet you think my post count is indicative of my success. Riiiiight. Learn a new comeback instead of the ole "you have no life because you are on the internet" garbage.

 

It's very abundantly clear that you were raised by a man hating mother by the way you talk/post on the forum

Lol this again too? You mad? You mad that I actually enjoy women and am not constantly whining about them? I must be a man hater since I dont constantly put them down right? Even though Im even handed of my praise and criticisms of both genders.

I am not insulting you but most people that want to actually grow up and be successful in life have the ability to see what they are doing and its not working.

Again...stop the arm chair psychology. You know what wasnt working? Trying to make women fit into my check list before I decided to date them. Well guess what, I met a chick who likes me and clicks with me...and we had a good personality connection before any of the physical stuff.

 

Thats me doing something different then what I have been doing for the last few years. So I stopped doing what wasnt working and am doing what does work. You clearly dont follow my posts enough to know that. But keep on with the assumptions.

 

Your path ahead is nothing but misery and hell if you continue acting/behaving like you are. If you want to live the next 40-50 years miserable, not happy, no peace, and lying to yourself. Keep doing what you are doing. LS is making money off its advertising

LOLOLOL

 

Oh gimme a break. Im enjoying life right now. Im not miserable at all. The guys who are miserable on LS are the women hating losers who barely even date, if at all. Trust me, I have options and Ill do fine. Im a catch and I know my value and I know what I want...so believe me when I say I know a great woman will snatch me up, if I let her, by the time Im 30.

If you actually want to be "normal" I'd suggest 2 things...

 

1) get some real man friends and shut up and listen to them

2) therapy

:lmao:

 

Get over yourself kid. Please.

Edited February 26, 2013 by kaylan

[johan]

Being there for her and helping out if she needs it is good. Trying to save her from all hardship and pain is not so good. That's an urge worth fighting. The best people want to be treated with respect and allowed to stand on their own. They don't really appreciate someone running around trying to fix things or showing a lot of pity and sorrow for what they are going through. While you might have the urge to step in and save her every day, you should be wary of a woman (or friend or relative, for that matter) who accepts that from you.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Being there for her and helping out if she needs it is good. Trying to save her from all hardship and pain is not so good. That's an urge worth fighting. The best people want to be treated with respect and allowed to stand on their own. They don't really appreciate someone running around trying to fix things or showing a lot of pity and sorrow for what they are going through. While you might have the urge to step in and save her every day, you should be wary of a woman (or friend or relative, for that matter) who accepts that from you.

 

I agree with this.

 

Having said that, kaylan I think your reaction is very sweet. I wish more men were like you. Most would run a mile.

 

As for haters in this thread, just f-off already

[Dark Phoenix]

 

Most would run a mile.

 

 

Duh... most of us retired our captain save a hoe uniforms in our early 20s...

 

We learned early on that the only person that gets hurt from this is the one helping.... no thanks... I'd rather run a marathon

 

Stop enabling and projecting on to him... everyone in this thread has said this behavior is wrong... you even say it, then encourage it...

Edited February 26, 2013 by Dark Phoenix

[Eternal Sunshine]

Duh... most of us retired our captain save a hoe uniforms in our early 20s...

 

We learned early on that the only person that gets hurt from this is the one helping.... no thanks... I'd rather run a marathon

 

Eh, each to their own. I would love it if a man treated me like that.

[Dark Phoenix]

Eh, each to their own. I would love it if a man treated me like that.

 

youve had them, then you painted them black and then you dumped them.... reread your old breakup posts

[johan]

youve had them, then you painted them black and then you dumped them.... reread your old breakup posts

 

You have the upper hand. You're on your way to a glorious victory. This could be the thread where everything finally changes for you.

[ThaWholigan]

I don't think he's wrong personally. Maybe a tad too involved emotionally. He should probably be more measured, as in Johan's post. It's OK to be there for her, but don't mug yourself off too quickly.

 

I know it's hard. I'm the same, I would instinctively react in a similar fashion if I had no control - you want to give her a hug and tell her it will be OK and sh*t like that , and help her. I get that, more than you know. But it's probably a good idea to be measured before anything.

[ThaWholigan]

You have the upper hand. You're on your way to a glorious victory. This could be the thread where everything finally changes for you.

[charlietheginger]

Watch out for your emotions. Often times women

Use your emotions to suck you into a relationship.

 

Women who read these books"how to catch a man"

"its not him it you " know a way to a mans heart

Is through his emotions.

 

Examples.

She is rude one day happy next, this is called hot cold

By shutting you out one day your happy she is talking to

You the next day. Your emotions are triggered.

 

Sad story about health kids family triggers your emotions

 

Plays hard to get cat mouse. Does she like me or not

Bingo triggered your emotions.

 

Kids father is not around . Guy thinks i can fix it i can

Be a dad.

 

during date exboyfriend text her, you think this women

Must be something special if he wants her back. Boom

Triggered your emotions now you feel happy she has guys

chasing her but is on a date with you.

 

Emotions overload guy begins to "feel things" like

that resemble what he thinks is love.

 

Being you wanted to make her o.k she triggered your

Emotions....

 

Becarefull some women are pros at this game

[Anela]

Being there for her and helping out if she needs it is good. Trying to save her from all hardship and pain is not so good. That's an urge worth fighting. The best people want to be treated with respect and allowed to stand on their own. They don't really appreciate someone running around trying to fix things or showing a lot of pity and sorrow for what they are going through. While you might have the urge to step in and save her every day, you should be wary of a woman (or friend or relative, for that matter) who accepts that from you.

 

This.

 

Empathy/support is great, but it's embarrassing to be pitied. Short-term "saving" can be helpful, but long-term, it isn't - I know from experience. I remember a time when I was really depressed, and dealing with extreme fatigue (amongst other things): my mother kept doing almost everything for me, and at one point I told her that she was making me feel as though she didn't think I could do it for myself - simple things like laundry.

 

 

Though its a bit soon for me to be thinking of any those things, one thing that definitely swept over me was a big "awwww" when she told me. I kinda just wanted to rub her back, make her tea, and just take care of her. It pisses me off though that some people get dealt not-so-good cards in life, but this girl really takes it all in stride. I really admire her...especially considering she didnt have a great home life growing up too.

 

But yeah...I just wanted to wrap her up in a big bear hug and make everything better.

 

 

I've also noticed that this is typical, as long as the other person shows a good amount of independence, as you've mentioned. I know someone who said that one mistake she made in her relationship with the man she considered the love of her life, was that he became her caregiver when she became very sick.

 

I agree with this.

 

Having said that, kaylan I think your reaction is very sweet. I wish more men were like you. Most would run a mile.

 

As for haters in this thread, just f-off already

 

Me, too.

[johan]

 

My posts would be so much better if I played that in the background while I typed. "Feeling strong nooooowwwwww!!!!"