Sarge Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 Help! My Fiancés' face looks like and old catchers mitt! I know…you’re thinking that is brutal. Fact is, it’s true! She has some deep scaring, pock-marks, pimples, and age spots. She is in her early 30’s. I just proposed to her 2 weeks ago…. Now before you all rip me a new one, let me tell you why….. This is the most wonderful woman. She treats me like a king. All of my friends love her, along with my family. She has a very sweet smile, and friendly eyes. Not to mention she has a very nice figure….She is extremely intelligent, warm, caring and classy. I DO love her dearly. The problem is, I am not sexually attracted to her. She knows this, but she can’t admit to herself that it is her face that is bothering me. It hurts ME to see her hurt when I can’t perform to a climax in bed. I proposed to her because I’m determined to overcome this issue because she is such a great person. Men are SO “physically” attracted. What can I do???
UCFKevin Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 Call off the wedding. You can't help that you aren't sexually attracted to her, don't feel bad about it, but DO feel bad about proposing to her in the hopes that you'll get over that. It's a noble thought but what if you DON'T get over it? Sex is a HUGE part of any relationship, especially marriage, and if you aren't attracted to her, then what the hell are you marrying her for?
shortbus74 Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 be nice get her a face lift............step up to the plate and shove out the money.........
moimeme Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 Can you find something about her that you do find sexy? Can you focus on what it is that you might find sexy?
NatoPMT Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 I am interested to know if she had dermabrasion whether you would find her sexy? you say she’s got a very nice figure which has got to be a start. You say she’s got a ‘sweet’ smile & ‘friendly’ eyes, not 'pretty'? My bf has got ‘friendly’ eyes, but they are also beautiful, I wouldn’t use ‘friendly’ as my first choice of adjective. He’s got a sweetness about him, but he’s incredibly sexy. Is it JUST the skin that’s putting you off? Has the skin issue gotten out of proportion to the extent its all you can see? Why did you get with her in the first place? Was it a friendship that was comfortable so you fell into it? You MUST have found her attractive once? Have you built a whole relationship aside from never being about to climax? Could you overlook the skin at first and now you are deeper into the relationship its become too glaringly obvious? What about if you get down to it in the dark – is it just visually she doesn’t do it for you?
billybadass36 Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 Ummmm, if it's her face that turns you off, how about any one of the several "rear entry" positions? Doggie style....her on top facing away from you...etc... Or maybe I don't know what I'm talking about...
Author Sarge Posted September 3, 2004 Author Posted September 3, 2004 Thanks gang! To answer some of your questions: Yes, her acne problem was there when I first met her, but she was always wearing makeup then. Now-a-days that has stopped. I can't expect her to wear makeup to bed. Yes, that is all I focus on now when we are making love. I hate to fantisize about other women because I feel like I'm cheating (I know that's a whole other subject). Yes, I DO find her body attractive. It's actually smokin'! Okay, now you know why I've hung in there....don't hate me. Yes, she IS willing to undergo some facial treatments, but those aren't free! Maybe it's time to break out the fresh credit card. Anyway....For what it is worth, most men find her VERY attractive. I guess I've just been spoiled in the past. Bottom line....I'm not giving up! Thanks for all of your advice. Sarge
YellowLioness Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 Maybe you should just put a bag over her head, and then make her wear that in public. I'm sure that would make her feel loved and attractive. I think you're pretty hard on her, don't you? I don't think its fair that she has to feel so bad about her face. I'm sure that its not exactly a point of pride with her. Well, good luck on her plastic surgery. (hears Aqua's Barbie Girl in the back ground)
Fayebelle Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 Originally posted by Sarge Anyway....For what it is worth, most men find her VERY attractive. I guess I've just been spoiled in the past. Bottom line....I'm not giving up! Good- leave her to a man who finds her attractive (blind soul that he must be ) Give up- you don't deserve her.
billybadass36 Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 Yep, that's it. Jump on this guy for asking for advice.
Fayebelle Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 Originally posted by billybadass36 Yep, that's it. Jump on this guy for asking for advice. Will do good buddy! Chemistry is part of attraction- Attraction is part of a relationship- He can't get over this one aspect and be attracted despite this one flaw- He doesn't deserve her.
Author Sarge Posted September 3, 2004 Author Posted September 3, 2004 Thanks Fayebelle, By the looks of your photo, you could stand a make over too.
Fayebelle Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 It's a damn shame I met my BF before a real charmer like you came along Anyway- you said something about your fiancee- the woman you say you love- that you had to follow up w/ "I know that sounds harsh" I would NEVER disrespect my BF like that! If I was not physically attracted to him - I'd say we were friends and call it a day.
Author Sarge Posted September 3, 2004 Author Posted September 3, 2004 So I guess LOOKS are all that matter to you. The truth comes out.
Fayebelle Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 Of course Sarge- that's just what I said. I've made my point- I'm just grateful my man is not as shallow as you. If you can't accept that everyone doesn't think "poor Sarge - he's a martyr for marrying such a homely soul" than too bad.
She's Come Undone Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 Look, the reality of it is that everyone deserves to be loved UNconditionally. You cannot give that to her, and you should not marry her personality. I had a relationship that developed personality-first, I was not physically attracted to him, but I thought, 'hey, this is the way to do it, love someone for their inside first.' I did develop a physical attraction, briefly. When his personality turned sour, there was nothing left to cling to. I guess I'm just someone who needs both good looks and good personality. Knowing this about yourself prevents things like this from happening. And stop trying to look at my *ss, sarge! LOL
CurlyIam Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 I must say I've come to understand you. My skin is very sensititive which is not such a bad thing in fact. I have the tendency to have pimples, but you know what I do? I take care of it. There are lots of cosmetic treatment and I know for a fact that there was a thread on this subject and many people came with lots of suggestions as to what products to use. Main point: if it bothers you, let her know ! As I said before, I did experience something like this and... my bf told me. Speak of bruised ego !!! I got over it and took care. I must say I am most happy with the change. There are lots of specialits and it is not as expensive or as complicated as it seems. Plus, if it helps your sex life, you'd be a fool not to try at least to solve it. There is no excuse for a woman not to take care of herself. Especially since we are talking about hygene. You know what the best part is? If her skin is also sensitive, it's not only on her face, if you understand what I mean .... Curly P.S. I promise to find you the thread with the names of the products by the end of the week.
YellowLioness Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 The only way to change pocked skin is surgery. She'd have to get a skin peel, depending on how deep the actually scars are. ProActiv will smooth out skin; but if her skin is really sensitive, then the abrasive cleanser may make her break out worse. Also, the "lotion" that they give has peroxide in it. Also not great for ultra sensitive skin. She's needs to go to a dermatologist or a plastic surgeon who can best decide what is best for her, IMHO.
Matilda Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 I agree with She's Come Undone, this woman deserves a man that loves all of her. I hate to tell you this, but things will only get worse over time. Wrinkles and gravity will be coming along soon, if they haven't already. Sex and intimacy is a huge part of marriage, and there are so many other problems that intefere with this in the course of a marriage, like kids and stress, that I really feel like you are going to be in big trouble if you get married feeling the way you do. If you really are sure that in every other way she's the one for you, then I think you're going to have to if she's willing to try and change what she can for you. Otherwise, I'm not sure what your options are. I definitely don't think you should marry her without resolving this problem first. I am kind of wondering, since you say how much every one else loves her, if you are being pressured into marrying her, even subconsciously due to other's positive remarks. Here's a couple of links to advice for questions like yours: http://magazines.ivillage.com/redbook/experts/sex/qas/0,,284455_555049,00.html http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1608/is_6_18/ai_86233333
YellowLioness Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 I was being sarcastic in my other post, just to clarify. I'm not that evil. I think that its so wrong to get married when there are already such large problems surfacing this early on. Here is my thing: not everyone is going to like the same type of person. Not everyone is going to think that everyone else is attractive. However, I'm a firm believer that you should be extremely attracted to your mate. It doesn't matter if everyone else thinks that they look gross, if you WANT them, that is what's important. However, if they're classically attractive, and everyone else tells you they're attractive, and you're basing how you feel about someone off whatever consensus there is, then you are cheating both yourself and your partner if you don't really want them for who they are. What I'm trying to say is that even though YOU may think she looks like an old base ball mitt (such a kind hearted man) then let her find someone else will think she is beautiful. Please, let her find someone who loves her face the way that it is, and who wouldn't want her to fix a hair on her head. Someone out there will think you're fiance is beautiful. YOu are not the best she can do, in that department. You do not even LIKE her the way that she is? How can you hope to stay married when the ravages of age take the luster from her skin and the tone from her muscles? That does happen, you know. If you are so focused on looks, then why are you with someone whom you don't find attractive? I'm not trying to say its BAD to be focused on looks, but at least admit that about yourself, and find someone whom you won't have to change to suit yourself. Sorry, I just got really heated.
Author Sarge Posted September 3, 2004 Author Posted September 3, 2004 Alright...simmer down ladies. I think you need to read my original letter again. Note all the nice things I've said about her. BTW - I treat HER like a queen. My headline IS harsh, but I just wanted to grab attention to the subject. My solution (after doing some research) is to spend some money on enhancing her beauty. Thanks for all the input (I think) Worthy Sarge
kellydontwanttasleep Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 break out the plastic and pay for some plastic surgery. your a good guy to try to work on this problem and not just give up. look deep inside yourself and make sure you really want to be with her
Author Sarge Posted September 3, 2004 Author Posted September 3, 2004 Thanks Kelly. That's what I'm going to do Have a nice weekend, and get some sleep!
honey2005 Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 Give up- you don't deserve her. I agree. How can you "love" her if you can't accept her as she is?
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