PrettyBoy88 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I need help; please post advice, etc. Good afternoon everyone! I'm new on here, my name is Kris and I'm not going to lie, I need your help, support, wisdom, honesty and advice. I am 24 years old and my ex is 19. We dated for about a year; we moved in together because of a financial situation that was messing me up within 2-3 months of dating; we lived together for approximately 6 months, and then she moved out. Upon moving out, we stayed together for about 2-3 more months on and off which is leading me to this point. We broke up last week, I believe February 18th, 2013. I'm not going to lie, she cheated and stuff, but I had since then took her back and I begged her to spend V-day with me. All the signs of an impending break up were there, they were and I knowingly didn't give a crap, I just wanted her being the selfish man I was. To give you some background information on our relationship in general, she knows me too well, she knows me more than anyone else in my life knows me, knows my flaws and accepted me for who i was. At one point, she really did love me. We spent v-day, that night we spent together as well as the 15th through the 18th. Everything was perfect, she had to go home...when I called her, we got into an argument. "When she's with me, everything is great, but when she's not, she does'nt pick up her phone or text me back anytime soon, it was really hard to communicate with her and I'm not going to lie for the past 3-4 months I became really clingy with her; but I didn't know what to do. So we've broken up many many times throughout our relationship in the past 3-4 months, but we ALWAYS made up. THIS TIME...it's different. We had a really really big fight in which led her to saying she was "having sex" with someone else while we were on the phone even though I knew she wasn't; and that led me to go ahead and post a status on FB saying I can't wait to spend the weekend with another female whom I tagged. We said some really mean things to each other that night ***both of us***. I also put it on FB that we're over and we're not getting back together. She then told me to take the FB post about us being over down and then she blocked me off FB. I begged and pleaded as I shouldn't have and she ended up putting a status and pics up in which a bunch of guys are giving her attention. The next day, I tried to call her 3x and had my friend try and call but she just told us to stop calling via text. I decided to wait 3 days and I texted her a mini apology and her only response was "Bye." Since then I've been NC and it hasn't been that hard going NC, but I DO want to talk to her, I do want to hit her up; I want her to think about me like whenever I went NC on her after a mini break up it always worked; but this time was the last straw for her. I know about all the do's and dont's blah blah blah, that NC is for the best. I know this. But I do want her back and I don't want her to enter a relationship before I say anything cause then I feel I"ll have lost my shot. Both men and women, I appreciate both perspectives. What is a young man like myself to do IF I DO WANT HER BACK? Sitting around and doing nothing has never really been my style. My goal is reconciliation. ***In the meantime, I'm talking to a bunch of woman just to keep myself occupied***
MushyPeas Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 It's understandable that you're feeling as though you want to contact her, despite the obvious that you loved her, it doesn't seem like it ended exactly the way you would have liked, relationships normally don't, at the very least for one of you. You need to concentrate on yourself for awhile, no matter how hard that is because I'm sure she's doing the same, which is healthy! If the way things ended bothers you so much, if she doesn't already know where you stand and that you'd want to make another go of it (it doesn't really matter of anyone elses opinion of whether you should get back together because it's your choice and you'll eventually do what you want to do anyway!) ..then do it with a bit of tact and pride, don't come away from the situation thinking "why did i make myself seem so needy" or "why did i say that" Hindsight is a douche bag, in this sort of situation you might realise where everything went wrong and the way you acted or she acted was the cause of the problem, and you may think that you can fix everything and get back to being with her, but sometimes you just need to take a step back, if she doesn't want to be with you then it doesn't matter if you think you can fix things, you have to respect her decision even though you may feel it's an unfair one, for what ever reasons. Try and keep away from posting on facebook though! I know it's tempting when you're angry but airing your dirty laundry just makes you look bad, which is especially unfair if you haven't actually done anything wrong, also anyone that needs to know your business will know so only through you. It seems as though you've both done this, trying to get one up on the other via facebook, which again, is what many people in this situation do! Like i said, if you really need to tell her how you feel, do it carefully, so if it all goes to hell and nothing comes from your attempts, you know you've tried and then hopefully you can start concentrating on you and making you happy , a hard thing to think about right now of course. Wishing you the best though!
richard9 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 my advice is that you are both in the dating game / scene it seems from your post that you are not in pain over her loss, and that you weren't in love with her you just have a want to be with her. even more so now that she has said "bye", this will make you want her more, she either 1. probably knows this 2. has moved on. my advice is that if you want her back then tell her why and if she doesn't reply then move onto one of the other "bunch of women".
Chi townD Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Okay, dude.... Sorry to say this. But, you need to let her go and find someone closer to your age. Trust me, the older girls get, the less games they play. I mean, she's 19. SHE'S A TEEN! A teenager. When you were a freshman in high school, she was probably still playing with Barbie's. She can't get into a bar, she can get into a club. Do you know why? Because she's a kid! She may not be a minor anymore, but she's not an adult either. Look, you're a mess over a girl that YOU KNOW cheated on you? Now, how serious do you think she really is about you? Don't you think you deserve better? And what IF she wasn't joking about having sex with some dude while she was on the phone with you? How do you know she actually didn't do that? I mean, you probably never thought cheat would cheat on you, but she did, didn't she.... So, I wouldn't put anything past her. Time to go dark, dude. Time to move on. I have a feeling she's not done playing games. So, just don't play them.
NoLeafClover Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I need help; please post advice, etc. Good afternoon everyone! I'm new on here, my name is Kris and I'm not going to lie, I need your help, support, wisdom, honesty and advice. I am 24 years old and my ex is 19. We dated for about a year; we moved in together because of a financial situation that was messing me up within 2-3 months of dating; we lived together for approximately 6 months, and then she moved out. Upon moving out, we stayed together for about 2-3 more months on and off which is leading me to this point. We broke up last week, I believe February 18th, 2013. I'm not going to lie, she cheated and stuff, but I had since then took her back and I begged her to spend V-day with me. All the signs of an impending break up were there, they were and I knowingly didn't give a crap, I just wanted her being the selfish man I was. To give you some background information on our relationship in general, she knows me too well, she knows me more than anyone else in my life knows me, knows my flaws and accepted me for who i was. At one point, she really did love me. We spent v-day, that night we spent together as well as the 15th through the 18th. Everything was perfect, she had to go home...when I called her, we got into an argument. "When she's with me, everything is great, but when she's not, she does'nt pick up her phone or text me back anytime soon, it was really hard to communicate with her and I'm not going to lie for the past 3-4 months I became really clingy with her; but I didn't know what to do. ..... "The next day, I tried to call her 3x and had my friend try and call but she just told us to stop calling via text. I decided to wait 3 days and I texted her a mini apology and her only response was "Bye." Since then I've been NC and it hasn't been that hard going NC, but I DO want to talk to her, I do want to hit her up; I want her to think about me like whenever I went NC on her after a mini break up it always worked; but this time was the last straw for her." She cheats on you, you take her back. She gets the worse out of you She acts different when she is with you in person, but is distant when shes away (possibility of another partner) So tel me, why do you like being a doormat? Please read the last paragraph, what the hell are you doing? Seriously, I am talking to you like an old friend. Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you allowing her get control of YOU.
Recommended Posts