Author na49 Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 just f*cking looked at her friend's facebook. he made a status about talking to her on the phone. and here I am thinking I was doing good... It's annoying to see she's friends with these idiots. I don't have any confidence as you guys know but the only thing this guy has going for him is he's got a lot of it. He looks like a goon but he's confident so people like him. and so does she.
cavalier99 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 (edited) Dude why are you looking at her friends facebook? Did you read anything i wrote. Don't even say you have no confidence even if you don't. It is self defeating. This is the number one thing you need to work on with the counselor. That is what is affecting your recovery. It has nothing to do with what she wanted with those texts. She lost her chance WITH YOU the second she opened her legs for another guy. Flip the script NA. You are better than this. No more defeatist attitude. Edited March 2, 2013 by cavalier99 2
Author na49 Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 I can have that attitude. I had it just yesterday. My problem is when I don't have that attitude I almost have to remind myself. So I do what I did earlier, it pisses me the f*ck off that she has friends and is doing her so I tell myself "Yeah screw her! it's her loss! have fun with these clowns, no one will put up with your sh*t as long as I did!" aaaaaand then the cycle starts over again.
Author na49 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 Can someone explain to me why even though I've been burned every time I learned new stuff about her, I STILL want to check on her and see what she's up to? Holy crap these thoughts are repetitive, I try to move on and I'm still not happy.
cavalier99 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Can someone explain to me why even though I've been burned every time I learned new stuff about her, I STILL want to check on her and see what she's up to? Holy crap these thoughts are repetitive, I try to move on and I'm still not happy. Addiction. Cold turkey time. Think 12 step program. I like the quote: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Lol
McDonald Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Because its a way of maintaining some type of contact with herrr. Thats why I would walk by her place and see if I could see her with her new BF.. I know, wouldnt that just drive me insane? yes it does lol, but I kept doing it because it was the last form of contact I had as I am not going to text her or look at her FB. However I decided to stop.. or at least I am trying too. I feel more empty now though, because the form of connection that I made up no longer exists. So now it is completely gone. Our exes our like drugs. We keep wanting to see them.. to see what they are up to, because we are chasing the first "high". Its like an addict. They get addicted because they want to experience how they felt the first time they used the drug... but that will never be possible. However they try and try and try and eventually become dependent on the drug. We are chasing the high our exes gave us while we were with them.. and when we do try to achieve that high, we end up getting more hurt, but we keep coming back for more... anyway I may have taking this way out of context lol.. Im just bored in the library and cant concentrate on my essay. 2
McDonald Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Spot on McDonald. now if only I could listen to my own advice haha.
Author na49 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 I don't think I could get myself to go through with looking at her profile. Or emailing her my feelings, or anything like that. It doesn't stop me from wanting to though. How much does seeing her with a new guy suck McDonald? Would it make me feel any better knowing she is happy with someone else?
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Be a pity wouldn't it? Self-destructing isn't a pretty thing... My, who'd a thunk it? A girl is such a beautiful thing; real gifts. Yet, a small, fragile, 90lb+ girl can bring down the biggest men in the world to ashes. What power...Same is in reverse. You looking at her FB, is depressing enough or her friends. Or any other form of contact. You are like, what's it's name, Icarus?? He flew too high; just, you are looking too far. He fell, so you fall too.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I don't think I could get myself to go through with looking at her profile. Or emailing her my feelings, or anything like that. It doesn't stop me from wanting to though. How much does seeing her with a new guy suck McDonald? Would it make me feel any better knowing she is happy with someone else? Haha!! It is...as though, you have not listened, yet these words are spoken, friend. NO! It is like willingly throwing yourself in Hell. Seeing her happiness, is the end of your happiness for a while. That is the reason..I quit looking at mine; I predicted that what I would one day see would destroy me. Unfortunately, I have yet to see anything. Sometimes I have no choice, since she has more facebook accounts then words I am typing now. Too buys focusing on her happiness, and not enough on your own. If you had a time machine, would you change her cheating? I mean, if you had that power?
McDonald Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Be a pity wouldn't it? Self-destructing isn't a pretty thing... My, who'd a thunk it? A girl is such a beautiful thing; real gifts. Yet, a small, fragile, 90lb+ girl can bring down the biggest men in the world to ashes. What power...Same is in reverse. You looking at her FB, is depressing enough or her friends. Or any other form of contact. You are like, what's it's name, Icarus?? He flew too high; just, you are looking too far. He fell, so you fall too. You should write a book becuase they way you can relate real situations to mythical stories is pretty amazing. Na, how much does it suck? Everytime I see it, its like a slap in the face... THEN I smash my head into the wall..Especially the last time I saw them.. they were partying together.. something she told me she didnt want to do with me because she was over drinking etc, but this new guy comes and and woah she suddenly wants to party. I dont do it for pleasure.. I go into it knowing I will get hurt.. maybe im addicted to that feeling of getting hurt by her because it is at least a feeling from her.... wow that sounds crazy. But then I go on facebook and see her little name on my friends list because she was favorited as FB automatically puts the people you talk to the most in that category.. and i do not even have a urge to click on it. so, im not really sure what my little brain is doing. Heres a question though: How can you let someone ruin your life when they are not even a part of it? 2
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 You should write a book becuase they way you can relate real situations to mythical stories is pretty amazing. Na, how much does it suck? Everytime I see it, its like a slap in the face... THEN I smash my head into the wall..Especially the last time I saw them.. they were partying together.. something she told me she didnt want to do with me because she was over drinking etc, but this new guy comes and and woah she suddenly wants to party. I dont do it for pleasure.. I go into it knowing I will get hurt.. maybe im addicted to that feeling of getting hurt by her because it is at least a feeling from her.... wow that sounds crazy. But then I go on facebook and see her little name on my friends list because she was favorited as FB automatically puts the people you talk to the most in that category.. and i do not even have a urge to click on it. so, im not really sure what my little brain is doing. Heres a question though: How can you let someone ruin your life when they are not even a part of it? I like that question, what a fantastic question to raise. Do answer it, how lovely!
Author na49 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 You really need to block her McDonald. I know you want her to contact you so you keep her on your friend's list. but you're bound to slip one of these days and look at what she's doing. I feel like I'm going to find out she's dating someone new eventually, so should I wait until I find out or get the pain out of the way now? I probably won't check, I have these episodes a lot where I want to, just trying to make it pass as quickly as possible.
McDonald Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 If I were to answer.. (well I guess I am answering it haha) It would be about trying to get them back into our lives. Or not accepting that they are completely gone, therefore you feel like something is worth fighting for. Heres a analogy I like to use.. I made it up myself. I like to picture my lack of understanding when It comes to my emotions as this: There is this large, powerful fan blowing in from of you. It has the strength to sweep you off your feet and blow you away (in the bad way). As the days go on, the fan spins faster and faster. You dont get out of the way though and soon enough it starts to push you backwards. However, there is this ledge infront of you. So you grab onto the ledge. The fan keeps spinning. Faster and faster and faster. You legs go up in the air. You slowly lose your grasp on the ledge until all that is left it one or two little fingers gripping as tightly as they can. The fan is your ex. Every sign you get that the break up is over, from pictures, to texts, to blocking on facebook, the fan spins more and more. You realize that it is over.. but you see a ledge infront of you That ledge is the idea of the relationsip. So you grab onto it and hold on for dear life. AS the days go by though, you slowly lose your grip on the idea as well. For me, I am the one holding onto the ledge with only two fingers... thats it! Only two little fingers are making me hold onto the idea of the relatonship. Nothing else. It used to be two hands.. but now just two fingers. Wait!!! the fan has stopped spinning!!! That means your ex is completely gone. You hit the ground hard, bruised. You can finally let go of the ledge though. Wait, sh*t. You were gripping it so hard, that your fingers have dug into the ledge, or the idea of the relationship, and now you cant let go. It sucks, because its only two little fingers. Only a small idea of what she once was is stopping you from moving on! yet, you cant figure out what it is. what is stopping you from moving on! letting go. The fan has stopped spinning, you dont need to hold on anymore! but you do, we all do. 2
McDonald Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 You really need to block her McDonald. I know you want her to contact you so you keep her on your friend's list. but you're bound to slip one of these days and look at what she's doing. I feel like I'm going to find out she's dating someone new eventually, so should I wait until I find out or get the pain out of the way now? I probably won't check, I have these episodes a lot where I want to, just trying to make it pass as quickly as possible. I do have to block her.. I dont think she will message me honestly.. there is a little hope that i have, I will not lie. But as I run into her on campus she ignore me unless I say, then I she says hi back. But blocking her is a must. just, what will I get out of it? and I want to be able to upload pictures of me having fun.. so she can see that Im having fun. But that is the wrong reason... It should be for myself..
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I do not think I ever got an answer on that time machine...Ah, I got it! If you guys had the power to reverse your exes cheating, and reset things; make them good, would you do it?
McDonald Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Well... I think I would go further back and stop myself from becoming dependant on her. thats what I think screwed a lot of it up in the first place.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Oh, well said! I thought someone might say, they would. My answer: I wouldn't change a damn thing. Let the hellstorm come as it already had. If I could stop her cheating, and erase these events from everyone's mind. I would still know?...It would be living in something fake, despite knowing the truth.
McDonald Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Oh, well said! I thought someone might say, they would. My answer: I wouldn't change a damn thing. Let the hellstorm come as it already had. If I could stop her cheating, and erase these events from everyone's mind. I would still know?...It would be living in something fake, despite knowing the truth. Very true. I might fo far enough back to the point where I said alright, lets have a relationship and instead keep pushing... we are really good friends and I would like to keep it that way. 1
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